Bellamy's Birth Story

Our daughter, Bellamy June Clark made her debut at 10:38am on April 28, 2014, weighing in at 7lbs. 2oz and 19 1/2 inches long.  The last few months we have been floating.

Truth be told, there are many uncomfortable (and downright painful) parts of labor, and after labor that tend to slip your mind after you make it out of that crazy first six weeks with a newborn.  You quickly remember them as you begin to go through them again but nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to, or can dull the joy that she has brought into my life over the past few months. 

This delivery was different from both of my previous experiences.  I was induced with Cash at 38 weeks exactly, because of high blood pressure. We went to the hospital the night before the induction on a Tuesday, and stayed through Friday. The labor itself was a great experience for a first timer.  I only pushed for 40 minutes, and he was there, all 7lbs. 8oz. of him. When I left, my hormones were so crazy from labor, breastfeeding, and the horrible anxiety I felt before the induction NOT TO MENTION all of the stress of being a new, first time parent.  I loved LOVED Cash, but I was weepy on and off, and extremely exhausted.  With Beckett, I went into labor at 39 weeks 4 days. I went to the hospital with regular braxton hicks. They sent me home saying that I hadn't progressed but I was back about 6 hours later. They admitted me, and I had another great birth experience.  He was 9lbs. 14.5 oz! I had no emotional issues with him afterwards, and life was back to normal pretty quickly. Even though he was bigger, I healed easier with him than I did with Cash. 

This time, I was being induced because of Bellamy's single umbilical artery.  I was 39 weeks 2 days for my induction.  It was scheduled for 3am! That Sunday (the day before) we went to church in the morning, and had a relaxing afternoon at home for most of the rest of the day. If I ever have to spend any kind of time anticipating a big event, I am usually so beside myself with anxiety I am nauseated for the duration of the wait. That had been the thing I had been praying about the most besides Bellamy and I's overall health. I can't stand feeling anxious or nauseated (especially nauseated).  I'm never surprised per se when my prayers are answered, but still always amazed.  I felt so good the days before the induction, compared to how I thought I was going to feel.  I was excited-anxious instead of fearful-anxious.  I wasn't throwing up (which is almost always a side effect of my extreme anxiety), and I wasn't even really nauseated.  Sunday evening, we took a drive as a family, and Colt and the boys got Chipotle for dinner down on Westshore. I had to eat light because of the induction, so I had some rice. We came home, put the boys to bed and I tried not to think about how that was the last time I would see them as only two siblings.  I made myself some pasta to try and fill my stomach up before my 12am cut off time for food.  After my 11:30pm snack I tried to lay down and rest for a while. It wasn't happening, so I got up and got in the shower.  By the time I finished packing my bag, put on some makeup, dried my hair and threw on some clothes, it was almost time to leave. I took some time by myself to pray and get my thoughts together, and proceeded out of the bedroom to help Colt pack the car up.  My mom, sister and father arrived around 2am.  Daddy stayed with the boys while they slept and was going to bring them up to the hospital the next morning. Emilee, my mom and Colt were my labor coaches.  We had a fun drive up to the hospital talking and joking around.  When we pulled down the street that led to the hospital, I got quiet.  It was “go time”.  When we arrived they had me fill out some paperwork and wait for a bed to open up. Apparently it was a big day for babies.  Finally we got called up. We were led up to the room by a very fast walking sign-in lady who introduced us to our nurse. I changed into my gown and got into the bed.  The nurse came in and made some small talk. She seemed excited to hear that it wasn’t my first rodeo.   She asked about the boys and my labor experiences with both of them.  She said she would be back to start my Pitocin. In the meantime, we scrolled through the “On Demand” movies that the hospital offered and chose “Just Go With It” with Adam Sandler.  I asked her how long the Pitocin would take to kick in and when I would start feeling painful contractions. I couldn’t remember from my experience with Cash because the Cervadil they had given me the night before had already caused me some cramping and contractions, which I wasn’t having at all with Bellamy.  This was a new hospital for us, and I had heard that other women had to wait for their epidural once they wanted it because the anesthesiologist was busy helping other patients.  I wanted to put my name down on whatever waiting list they had so that I didn’t have to sit in pain for who knows how long once I determined I wanted it! She said it would probably take about an hour for anything to happen with my contractions.  Well she was wrong. Haha! I don’t know if my body just responds really well to the Pitocin or what, but it seems like once they start me on it, it doesn’t take but a few hours until I start pushing.   Within what seems like 15 minutes to a half hour I was having painful contractions.  I remember watching the movie, trying to concentrate but being in real pain. I felt embarrassed after such a short amount of time to be asking for the epidural, but they were just as painful if not more than my natural (non-induced labor) labor contractions with Beckett.  I told her I wanted the epidural , expecting that I would have to wait at least 30 minutes. Thankfully the anestisiologist came in quickly and administered the good stuff. J   Whenever anyone asks me what the epidural feels like, I always say it feels like when your tooth is being numbed, but it’s your back. For me it is kind of a weird, achy feeling as they are administering it, but not painful.  Everyone has their own opinions and/or experiences with epidurals, but this was my third one, and I've always had great experiences. Love em'! :) After that, I was able to get some sleep on and off. I would be awakened by Mama, Emilee and Colt laughing throughout the next few hours on and off. Unlike University Community Hospital where I delivered Cash and Beckett, St. Joe’s only had ONE chair in the room. I think we asked for a second chair to accommodate my mother and sister, but poor Colt was out of luck. I remember him trying to make a pallet on the floor of the hospital room so he could lay down at one point, until my sister brought it to his attention that there have surely been many very disgusting things on that floor over time.  The nurse came in a little while after the epidural and I had progressed to about 3-4cm.  This wasn’t much progress, so in my mind, I was thinking it may be a long night/morning.  They broke my water, and then eventually I fell back asleep.  I slept on and off again, and when I woke up around 9:30-10am I started to feel sick. I was spitting up a little bit but then I had some gum and felt a little bit better. The nurse said when I started to feel pressure, to call her in and she would check me.  I told my mom I was feeling a lot of pressure, and could feel more and more water with each contraction.  I called the nurse in telling her I was feeling a lot of pressure, and even some pain through the contractions. I pressed the button to up my epidural and could feel the cold medicine administering itself into my epidural catheter in my back.  The nurse came in and I explained that I was feeling a great deal of pressure. I could tell she didn’t believe that I was much farther dilated because it hadn’t been that long since the last time she checked me. I knew my body though. She checked and said, “Oh yeah, you’re ready! Are you ready to push?” Of course I was. That is always my favorite part! It sounds weird but it is such an exciting few minutes when they start wheeling out the tray with the medical tools on it “just in case”, as well as the infant warmer, blanket and hat, and pull down the big spotlight directed straight on you. At that moment, no one else can push that baby out except me. Everyone is depending on my body to do its job, and everyone is waiting on me. I’m NOT someone that likes to be the center of attention. EVER. But at that moment, I love being the one in that bed. Maybe that’s weird.  All the necessary people were coming into the room. My mom, sister and Colt had been there the whole time. The nurse came in and introduced me to the doctor. She was a doctor in my practice, but at the other location. I hadn’t ever met her, but she was really nice. As I moved my legs into “ready position” Colt turned on the playlist he created for me to push to.  Tom Petty “Rebels” was the first song up.  I took a deep breath in and pushed once really hard. My mom moved my right leg back a tiny bit, and Bellamy’s head came out. The doctor said, “SHE’S HERE!” I was confused. I couldn’t tell if she was saying she was really close or what that meant.  She said, “One more half push.” I gave one more small, half push and they laid her on my chest. It was so surreal.  One and a half pushes. We didn’t even get to the end of the first song on that playlist. The doctor laughed because it was so quick. She was ready to see us. Nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING compares to that moment that they hand you your baby. I will never forget that feeling as long as I live. This little warm, wet, crying baby  is thrashing all over you and looking to you for comfort. This hospital does something called skin to skin, where the baby lays on your chest for a long time (maybe 30 minutes to an hour) after it is born. I cut Bellamy’s cord. Colt is squeamish about that kind of stuff, so Mama cut Cash’s cord, Sharon (Colt’s mother) cut Beckett’s cord, and I cut Bellamy’s cord. I don’t know exactly why, but it meant a lot to me that I was able to do that. Maybe some kind of sentimental thought that I cut the literal cord that linked her body to mine for 9 months. Maybe the idea that when she’s 16 and wants to be out with her friends all the time I can say, “I cut your cord, and I can tie it back up again.” J  After that my Daddy came up to see her. They moved me to mother/baby after about an hour and I got settled in my room. 

I wanted to see the boys as soon as they would let me.  One of the things that choked me up was how they came into the room. My in-laws, Buddy and Sharon were there, my parents, my sister, brother, grandmother (aka Pam Pam), and Aunt Penny were all there, but they let the boys walk in first and gave them space to meet their sister without everyone rushing in at once. The boys walked up to the bed with big smiles on their faces. Honestly I expected that they would be a little bit scared, or stand-offish but there was none of that. They both walked right over to me, and wanted to meet their sister. Beckett was really interested in looking at her. He kept smiling  at her, touching her face, and rubbing her arms and face. They both liked seeing all her brown hair underneath her hat. They thought her toes were so cute. Cash was a little bit more concerned with me being in the bed.  I could tell he was a little bit worried about me, although he was still smiling and excited. He kept touching my IV and asking what it was and why I couldn’t take it off. They both took turns holding her. It was so much more than I could have hoped for.

It has been almost 4 months since that special day now. I started writing this post immediately when I came home from the hospital, but with three babies hanging around, it, like many other things have been pushed to the back burner. I couldn’t imagine my life without all of the people I have in it. Colt is literally the answer to every prayer I prayed for the perfect husband for me. He is such a unique man and my match in every single, most minute way. My kids are funny. They’re sweet, and smart, and entertaining, and beautiful and charming, and sometimes naughty but ALWAYS and forever SO loved.  I’ve heard people say, “These are the best times of our lives and we don’t even know it”, almost as a cautionary statement to enjoy every season of life. I was thinking about that statement yesterday while I was nursing Bellamy, and I just thought, “I KNOW it”.  This is the best time of my life thus far. Not to say that the future will never be as great as this or the past was bad, but I just am really thankful for every part of my life right now. I don’t let a day go by that I express that to God because I know in the deepest part of my soul that everything has come from Him.

Thank you to all who read through this long, rambling post. Although these posts are mostly for my benefit of looking back and reading my thoughts on things as I was going through them, I love that you care enough to read as well. Love you all!

Twenty-Seven Weeks: Single Umblical Artery and other stuff

Slacking! Slacking, slacking, slacking! I know.

It seems like before I found out the gender of this little lady, writing a blog entry about the pregnancy or the baby helped occupy my time while I daydreamed about planning a nursery, looking at baby clothes, and all the other things you can't do when you don't know the gender.  When I found out it was a girl, all bets were off. Now when the boys go to bed (the time that I do all my blog posts), if I'm not busy cleaning something or editing photos, I was putting the nursery together (done thankfully), browsing baby girl clothes online, and basically just NOT blogging.

SO since the last baby related update, we went to our 20 week ultrasound. I had another ultrasound at my OB's office around 16 weeks because I wasn't sure if I had had some spotting earlier that week (week 16) and since I was there for my regular 16 week appointment anyway, they did a quick ultrasound and all was well.  We had just seen the baby at 16 weeks, so I wasn't expecting that much had changed at the 20 week ultrasound, but of course anytime you can see the baby is exciting, especially since this was the full anatomy exam and they give you all the details about all the body parts.  We brought Sharon, Colt's mom and Terri, my mom to the ultrasound with us to watch the show and help with the boys who were also in attendance.  They went through all of the measurements and she said everything was looking awesome. Then she got to the cord. She started zooming in, and backing out and zooming in again. Then she put on the blood flow setting to see how the blood was moving.  I asked if there was anything wrong because I thought it was strange that it was taking so long. She said that it appeared that the baby had single umbilical artery. I didn't know what that meant at the time, but she said that I would probably just get a few more ultrasounds out of it.  When I went to talk to the doctor after my ultrasound, I didn't know what questions to ask so I didn't have much to say.  She assured me that it was not a HUGE deal, but said that as the umbilical cord forms at the same time as the heart and kidneys, that sometimes they can also have problems also. There is also a small chance that she could have some chromosomal problems. I left the appointment feeling ok. I didn't cry. I didn't feel devastated. I felt a little nervous but I was more nervous to tell my family and Colt's family. I didn't want people to worry.

When I came home I started doing some research. Don't "google" anything to do with health issues. Just don't. Ever. I am a very logical person and I tend to analyze people and the reasons that they do what they do. I knew that logically, for the most part, the only people that are going to post something on a message board concerning a certain topic are people that had a really bad or really great experience with something. In the case of health issues, most of the people that are posting are people that have had worst case scenarios because if you came out with a good outcome, you would just go on with your life and not take the time to write about it in a message board.  I tried to keep that in mind as I read the posts, but it is difficult to keep a level head after reading post after post of complications people were dealing with as a result of single umbilical artery.  From what I understand, it is one of the most common umbilical cord problems, but still only occurs in around 1% of pregnancies.  It wasn't until recently when ultrasound technology became so advanced that they even diagnosed it in pregnancy. They used to see it after the baby was born if they inspected the umbilical cord. So LOGICALLY there could have been many more babies with this condition that they just didn't know about. As I said earlier, the most common complication associated with this condition is with the heart and kidneys. It is also associated with low birth weight, and in small percentages it can be associated with chromosomal problems (although the research on that is showing less and less of an association).  After talking to the doctor, they set me up with an appointment at the Perinatal doctor's office for a Level 2 ultrasound.  They said that this was going to determine whether or not there were any complications and to see what he recommended.

We had to wait 3 1/2 weeks for our appointment! It felt like forever. Our 20 week ultrasound at the regular OB's office was right before Christmas, so we had to get through the holidays and the new year before we got our appointment with the Perinatal doctor.  The night before that appointment I was very nervous. Colt brought me home some pink roses from the store. I kept two of the rose buds and put them in a shadow box with some pink shoes in her room. The morning of the appointment I was even more nervous. I still hadn't cried in the whole 3 or 4 weeks. I was just anxious to move on. I felt in my heart that she was ok and I just wanted the doctor to tell me that.  Our appointment was at 8:15am, which for anyone that knows us, might as well be the middle of the night. Still sleepy time. Haha! They led us back to the dark ultrasound room. I got on the table, prepared for whatever they were going to tell us. There was a radio playing somewhat loud in the room. The ultrasound tech wasn't very friendly. I kept asking questions, even though some of them were just me talking to myself out loud. She didn't seem to like that very much.  During a break when she left the room for a second, I asked Colt if he felt like she was aggravated with me, and he nicely told me that I was asking too many questions. I nicely told him that for what we were paying for that appointment, I would ask any and every question that popped into my little head (ie: "Is that her hand?" "Does that look ok?" "What kind of car do you drive?" "What is your home address?"---HAHA).  Turns out she was just hyper focused and warmed up slightly after the ultrasound was done. She said, "Act surprised, but she looks great!"  The doctor came in a few minutes later and reaffirmed what she had said. It appears that Bellamy has an isolated case of single umbilical artery. That means that for some reason, the second artery never developed but there was no "reason" behind it. They don't know why, but they do know that for some reason it seems to be more common in females.  I kept saying, "So it looks like everything is normal," and other variations of that same sentence over and over again. I just wanted to make sure there was nothing he was leaving out.  He said from now on, we will have an ultrasound every 4 weeks at my regular OB's office to check on her growth because with this condition, babies can tend to slow down in their growth the further into pregnancy that they get because the baby demands more food, and there is only one artery working. So far, at that point she was in the 50th percentile for growth and doing great! I go for my 28 week ultrasound next week. 

Looking back I suppose that was another reason I didn't do a lot of blogging over the last few weeks. I didn't want to send out a false alarm or panic. I also didn't want to make it seem perfectly rosy, and then there be a problem.  The doctor said that after that ultrasound, the chances of her having any problems is less than 2%.  I'm good with that. The good news is, I know that our family can get through anything because we have God and each other. No matter what the outcome is, we're ok!

Since then, we have started and finished the nursery. Beckett and Cash are sharing Cash's room (now "the boys' room"). We got them bunk beds. They started off with Cash on the top twin bunk, and Beckett sleeping on the bottom, full bunk.  About three nights in, Cash decided to sleep on the bottom with Beckett. They have been sleeping together everynight and napping together everyday. I think it has brought them even closer. Tonight they were up until AFTER MIDNIGHT talking and telling each other stories. I LOVE listening to them. Sometimes Colt and I will mute the TV and sit quietly just to listen to their stories and conversations. I can't remember if I have discussed this before or not, but we have decided on homeschooling. We have been working on learning the alphabet letters and letter sounds, and both of the boys are picking it up so quickly! Beckett knows so many of his letters already from the games I made up for the boys to learn them, and he's only 2 1/2! I'm so proud of them, and SO excited for this adventure.

There isn't a lot more to do in terms of preparation for Bellamy's arrival. I'm going to wash the car seat cover soon, and start to wash the baby gear (pack-n-play, rock-n-play sleeper, swing, etc.) I'm glad it has all survived this long! I have to narrow down the hospital outfits I want to bring. :)

This pregnancy continues to be different in many ways to both of my others, although I still don't think its a girl/boy thing necessarily since my pregnancies with the boys were different.  I have noticed in the last few days that my arm gets this feeling like I have a pinched nerve. It starts to feel like its going a little bit numb.  I called the doctor to ask about it and she said that circulation issues are common in pregnancy and not to worry unless it becomes painful. I haven't felt it in several days so I'm not worried about it.  I think I have gained somewhere between 15 and 17 lbs. by now. Lets call it 16 lbs. I'm hoping to keep it under 30 total. We'lllll see. Haha! She seems to be VERY low right now. I have been seeing my chiropractor for the pinched nerve in my lower back, and even he commented on how low she was. Maybe its a 3rd baby thing? Who knows. 

That's all I can think of for now. Anxiously awaiting her healthy arrival! Keep us in your prayers! Talk to you soon!

Happy New Year

Its New Year's Eve, and after the pizza, painting Bellamy's rocking chair, playtime, mini-dance party, and fake countdown, the boys are laying in Cash's bed with Colt watching funny videos on his phone. I just heard Colt singing, "Beautiful Boy(s)" by John Lennon to them. No better way to spend tonight.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Growing Pains

Sometimes growing up is hard. Tonight it was hard.

Cash still takes a pacifier at bedtime. Say what you wish about that, but it was only when he was sleeping, and it wasn't hurting anyone, so we let him have it.  Over the past two days, Colt has been working non-stop, and I just so happened to find my self pacifier-less at naptime yesterday. Its difficult to find a pacifier with a one man search and rescue team to scour the whole house and car, but Colt has so much time off with us that its hardly fair to complain. Beckett had his pacifier, but I couldn't find one for Cash anywhere. I told him it was time for his nap and he would have to go to sleep without it. I said, "You are a big boy, and you don't need a pacifier to go to sleep anymore."  Suprisingly, he went to sleep rather easily. He woke up about an hour to an hour and a half later, which is a litte bit earlier than he usually does. He was looking for his pacifier in his bed, and was obviously still tired because he wouldn't open his eyes. I saw him moving around on the monitor so I went in to calm him down so he'd finish his nap. That's when the water works started. I put him in bed with me, but he just cried and cried, a tired, sad little cry.  Eventually he got over it, and got up to play.  He went to bed that night without a pacifier and slept fine through the night.

Today naptime was easy! He went to sleep easily and slept the full, usual two hours. 

Tonight, bedtime was a different story.  I put Beckett to bed, who coincidentally, decided for the first time today that he wasn't going to take a nap. That has NEVER happened. He went the whole day without sleeping, so he conked out when I put him down.  Cash sat on the couch watching Toy Story 3, waiting patiently for me to come out of Beckett's room. He had a snack that I owed him for finishing his dinner, and we walked in his bedroom. We said prayers, talked for a while, and I let him play a game on my phone. Then it was MY time, for the first time all day. I told him I would be out in the living room (he can see me from the foot of his bed) and to go to sleep.  This is all normal, bedtime routine.  The only difference is, Colt isn't coming home tonight (Saturday night).  He is playing a wedding in Marco Island and is meeting us at church tomorrow morning.  Cash looks forward to cuddling, and watching funny YouTube videos with Colt everynight. He laid at the foot of his bed asking for Daddy. After 20 minutes or so, the asking, turned into crying...then begging for me to call him. I thought a phone call might help calm him down. He talked to Colt for a few minutes, and it seemed to be getting worse and worse.  "I want you to come home. You've been working a long day. I want you to stop working." ALL things a Daddy wants to hear while he's out of town and unable to do anything about it.  I wouldn't have subjected Colt to such a guilt trip if I had known that's what Cash was going to say. He usually just says he misses him and asks Colt to come in and check on him when he gets home. Anyway, after that phone call, there was nothing I could do to calm him down. He is learning to try and calm himself down, and lull himself to sleep without the pacifier. There is nothing I can do to help him with that.  He laid there crying, and then I, swimming in all of my pregnancy hormones started crying too. He said, "Why are you crying?" I said, "I'm crying because you're sad. I don't want you to be sad." He said, "I won't make you sad again, I promise." I said, "I love you so so much," as I showered him with kisses. He said, "I love you so much too." It was a pretty pitiful sight.  After we both calmed down some, he started giggling about this or that. He fell asleep about 20 minutes later, head in my neck and arm crossed through mine. Not a bad resolution for me. I love any and every excuse to cuddle and the smell his skin and hair so close to me. Although both my boys really love to cuddle at bedtime.

Its such a small scale compared to some of the things he's likely to face in life but its so sad to witness your child be so desperate for something, or so distraught in facing a new challenge, yet you know he has to figure it out for himself. Sometimes the only thing you can offer is a little extra cuddle time, a showering of kisses, and excessive "I love yous". That seemed to do the trick for this evening.  It may not always be that easy, so I'll take it for tonight.

It's a GIRL!

Well, at this point this post will be "old news" but that's because I have been busy floating around in a dream-like state for the last week.  IT'S-A-GIRL! Those are words I thought I may never say. It all started last Tuesday.

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling nauseated.  This isn't unusual for me during this pregnancy, in fact its usual. I took my trusty Zofran which now sits on my nightstand, beside my video baby monitor spying in on Beckett while he sleeps.  Usually, now that I'm in the second trimester and hopefully past the worst part of the nausea and all-day sickness, one Zofran works for most of the day. Occasionally I take two or three per day, but one is usually enough to cut it for a while. I took one...then two. Still felt sick.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that when I'm anxious or nervous about something, my body's first, natural reaction is almost debilitating nausea.  Its AWFUL.  I sucked it up, and tried to remember that there was nothing to be nervous about. My gender ultrasound appointment was going to be that evening at 6pm.  I had been counting down the days for this appointment. Literally. I kept a running tally of how many days I had left to wait in the excruciating agony of not being able to buy gender related baby items, either way.  Tuesday had arrived and I was WAY more anxious than I thought I'd be.

To be honest, I'm not sure what we did that day. The morning and afternoon activities were kind of a blur. I think we may have run some errands and stayed close to home.  We had to be back at the house by 3 to get the boys in bed for their nap time.  My mom was going to be over around 4:15 to stay with the boys so we could leave early. We were tucking the boys in bed, and I was telling Cash that when we got home that night, we would show him some pictures and a video of the baby, and we could tell him whether he was going to have another brother or a sister. He said, "I'm going to have a sister."  If I told you all of the little "psychic" things he's done since he was little I would have to make a whole other post.  He's weird like that. I'm weird like that and a few people in my family are weird like that.  He has said since I first found out I was pregnant that it was going to be a girl. I kissed him goodbye, and got ready to go.

Colt is good at calming me down. On our way down to the ultrasound place, we listening to our favorite radio show, talked, laughed and made our official "guesses" on the record.  We both thought it was going to be a girl. On our drive, I kept noticing little things, like a PSYCHO. There was a tree that had bloomed with big pink flowers even though everything else around it was almost dead. A few miles later, a big oleander bush with pink blossoms.  I know that it was purely coincidence, and I was over analyzing everything, but that's where my mind was at. We got down to Pinellas Park, where the place was located, about 30 minutes early, so we stopped at Starbucks for a drink. I figured it couldn't hurt for the baby to be awake and active during the scan.  I wanted him to start driving as soon as we got the drinks so we could be there on time, even though the place was about two blocks away and we still had 25 min to kill.  I felt better being in the parking lot. :) It was a good thing we did because we missed the turn and ended up being just slightly early.  We waited in the waiting room for our turn. On the front desk there was a keepsake display card for your ultrasound picture for sale. It said "IT'S A GIRL" at the top and had a picture of the "girl parts" inside the frame.  I told Colt, "If we see that, its a girl." We both chuckled nervously even though it wasn't really funny. We had never seen a girl ultrasound before. Then they called us back.

We walked into the dark room and I laid down on the table. As soon as the scan started, she was bouncing off the walls in there. The tech kept laughing at how active she was. I think the Starbucks Refresher I had beforehand must have helped spur her activity.  As soon as her little bottom came up on screen, I noticed that it looked very different from the boys' ultrasound pictures.  There was a little lump in between the legs, but nothing like the boys. My first thought was "ITS A GIRL," until we got another shot that looked a little bit different, and then I thought,  "This poor boy...I can never show him his ultrasound pictures because he'll compare it to his brothers." Haha! I asked the tech, "Its a boy, right? Does it look like a boy to you?" She said she wouldn't say anything until she was completely sure.  I thought to myself, "Ok...so you're going to wait ten more minutes and THEN tell me its a boy." She kept scanning between the legs and I noticed that when she would get a shot under the rear end, between the legs, there was nothing there. With the boys, that shot was the clearest of all that they were boys.  She said that at this stage in pregnancy, the girl parts can appear swollen, causing it to look like there is a bump between the legs, but it could also be a penis, or the umbilical cord, so she needed to do some further investigation. She kept looking at the shot from under the rear end.  From every angle under there, it looked like a girl.  Finally after about 10 minutes, she said she thought she was 100 % sure, but she was going to make sure her associate agreed with her.  They have a little paper or card of some sort next to the machine that they can see, but I can't. I'm assuming it says BOY/GIRL on it so they can point to it, and communicate with each other, coming to an agreement on the gender before actually announcing it to the parents. The other lady came in, she scanned me for about 5 minutes and got a very clear shot from under the rear end. There was no bump. For some reason it didn't completely connect with me what she was going to say. I remember thinking that it looked like a girl to me, but I couldn't discount that small bump we had seen earlier. I think I was about 60/40 thinking it was a girl. She paused the screen and put a small arrow pointing in between the legs where there were three little lines. She asked the other tech, "Is this what you were thinking," and pointed to the little card beside the machine. The other tech said, "Yep!" She said, "Yeah it doesn't get much clearer than that." Colt had both of our mothers (and the rest of my family), who were together, on the phone waiting with baited breath.  The technician typed "BG". For the millisecond that it was up on the screen, I thought to myself, "What does that mean?" Then "IT'S A GIRL" popped up on the screen. I could hardly believe it even thought "it" was literally starring me in the face.

My mother-in-law, Sharon, and my sister Emilee got some really good video footage of the moment. Colt said, "OOOOOHHHHHHHH, its a girl!" He was just as shocked as I was.  He handed me the phone, and I had teary eyes telling them how excited I was. If I didn't have that video I would have no idea what I was actually saying at that time, but I kept repeating, "This is so cool......This is SO cool." Both Colt and I were crying. The whole time that we were thinking it was a boy, even when I thought the technician was thinking it was a boy, she knew it was a girl. In all the shots with the "bump" we were actually looking at her swollen little girl parts, and the technician was double, triple, and quadruple checking to make sure she saw the three lines in detail of her lady business.

We left with a DVD of the whole ultrasound set to some sweet music that will completely make you cry in itself, and a CD of all the images. We got to share both with our family when we got home. Before we headed home, we made it a mini-date night by going to eat at Mitchell's Fish Market.

Now, over a week later it is just settling in that we're going to have a daughter. Her name will be Bellamy June Clark.  I have been busy collecting things for her room, and buying all things girl related that she'll need. I'm excited to use some of her brother's things with her too though. I think the boys will get a kick out of seeing her in a Captain America T-Shirt, and some DC shoes. :)

I'm 17 weeks tomorrow and starting to feel her move on a regular basis. I was laying on my side yesterday, and when I rolled back over, I saw a little lump on the side of my belly. When I touched it, she kicked really hard. I love this stage. I had my 16 week doctor appointment earlier this week, and they did another ultrasound to make sure everything looked good, since I hadn't had a diagnostic, measuring ultrasound yet. They confirmed she was a girl, and said she's measuring perfectly!

Well that's it for now I suppose. I'm waiting for the first coat of metallic paint to dry on the mirror I bought from Goodwill for her room. I think its time for a second coat! See ya!

"These Dreams"

So now we're at 14 weeks! Actually, 14 weeks, 4 days. 

Last week, on October 29th to be exact (because I'm a date/number freak), I felt this little miss/mister move for the first time. I had thought I may have felt him or her move a few times before that, but I wanted to make sure before I "called it".  We were driving under the on ramp to 75, in New Tampa heading to the new Cappy's for dinner.  It had been such a nice day. The four of us went to Busch Gardens during the day, came home and took a long nap, woke up, went to Cappy's for dinner and went to Twistee Treat for ice cream afterwards.  The boys were both in really good moods, and we laughed and joked with each other at Twistee Treat, "cheers-ing" our ice cream, and singing songs.  Feeling the fifth Clark kick me from inside my belly was the icing on the cake.

I still don't feel him or her super frequently, so its always exciting when I do. It seems to be really responsive to caffeine. I hate calling him or her, "it". Gross. I listened to the heartbeat again tonight, and it was around 157bpm.  It has stayed pretty steady at that point.

I have had several more dreams about having a girl since my last post about my crazy, pregnancy slumberland escapades.  Last night for instance, I had been going through my "Pregnant #3" photo album on my computer. I am one of those psychos that takes pictures of all the positive pregnancy tests that I get.  When we had been trying to get pregnant I was ordering cheap dip strip pregnancy tests off the internet in bulk. I think it was $15 for 15 tests or something like that.  Not a bad deal! Once we got a positive one, I had so many left, that I would still take one every morning just to watch the line get darker. Psychotic? Maybe. Fun? YES! Anyway, back to the dream. Before I went to bed, I was going through the photos I have taken of all things related to this pregnancy. A couple of the pictures were of the pregnancy tests with the increasingly darkening lines.  In my dream that night, I was taking pregnancy tests from Clearblue that not only told you if you were pregnant, but how far along, and what the gender was. If it was a boy, the test would turn blue and if it was a girl, well, obviously.  In this dream, I had taken five tests. All "PREGNANT", all pink! I don't want to read too much into any of this. In the previous pregnancies, I always said that once I had "the dream" hinting at the gender of the baby, I would think that's what I was having until I was told differently.  Both times, I dreamed that they were boys, and both times I was right. That being said, this time may be different.  I find myself wondering about the gender of this baby far more than with the others. Not necessarily because I would be disappointed one way or the other, but because of the unknown. I know what it is to be the mother of boys. I haven't a clue what its like raising a daughter. I don't know if the dynamic is different, or if she'll bond with me like my boys have. After talking to my friends with all same gender children, they all share the same feelings. You just don't know until you get there. All of this deep thought concerning boy or girl, could be contributing to my weird dreams.  Believe me, I have been using every psychological tool in my tool belt, from that BA in Psychology that is sitting on the shelf, to analyze these dreams.  ------  Great now I have lost my train of thought and am singing the lyrics to "These Dreams" by Heart in my head. But I digress.

We find out for sure next Tuesday, November 12th at 6pm. Hopefully he/she will cooperate and uncross his or her legs for us!

Talk to you soon!!!

14 weeks

The Grand Reveal

Well we went public! So glad that I don't have to watch what I say anymore. I never really care who knows, but I'm always worried that someone will find out from someone else I told and be upset that I didn't tell them first.  We had planned on a cuter annoucement including pictures of the boys, but I came down with a bad cold this week and didn't feel like taking the pictures, editing them etc. I'll post a picture of the "announcement" that we posted on Facebook below.

I was thinking today about some of the symptoms I've had during this pregnancy that seem to be different than my other two. Also, things that are are the same as my other pregnancies, but I had forgotten about.  I seem to be very sensitive to smells during this pregnancy, and I don't remember that with either of the boys.  With some scents, even lotions and things that I bought for myself before I got pregnant (scents I like), I can't stand now. I bought a fetal monitor when I was pregnant with Beckett, and I have enjoyed using it to hear the baby's heartbeat with this pregnancy too BUT I always feel a little bit queasy afterwards because I have to use lotion on my belly so the monitor moves smoothly. The lotion almost always makes me a little sick, even when I try different lotions.  Sometimes I enjoy a scent for a few minutes, but soon, it will make me sick too unfortunatly. I have also developed a little rash on my shoulders, top of my arms, chest and back. It feels like little bumps. I had it when I was pregnant with Cash too, and it lasted until I delivered.  I seem to be having less heartburn with this pregnancy then I did with my other two, so that's nice!

I have probably already covered these things in my previous posts, but I can't remember and I'm too lazy to go check.  PREGNANCY BRAIN! Never had it with the other two, and I have it A LOT with this baby. 

Thanks for checking in!

Here is the announcement!

Bedtime Boys

I thought I would take a break from the pregnancy posts to talk about our nightly bedtime routine with the boys.

Usually dinner preceedes clean up time, including cleaning the kitchen, wiping off the table and vaccumming.  Next comes gathering pajamas, and preparing a little station with diapers laying on top of pajamas on the changing table so I can dress them quickly after bathtime.  The bath water is running at this point.  Next I wrangle the boys, usually having to stop them from taking out toys that I just finished putting away. I make sure a new episode of Team Umizoomi is either on TV and paused for their "after bathtime calm down" or one is queued up OnDemand for them.  Both boys get undressed, and I sing a little song I made up called "booty boy" as they dance in a circle around the living room.  Immediatly following the song, they run to the bath.  After bathing them, we get them dressed, and let them lay next to each other on the couch to watch the Team Umizoomi I "prepared" for them. As soon as the end credits roll, Beckett jumps up and says, "Oooook!!!! Lets go!" He loves his time alone with either Colt or me.

I have never really had a hard time getting Beckett to go to sleep. We recently moved a chair that didn't fit in our living room anymore, into his room as a "storage" of sorts until we sell it or move it elsewhere.  That has become the chair that we talk in everynight. I turn off the lights except the light on his sound machine that gives off a blue glow and his table lamp which dimly lights the room.  I say a prayer, and then he says his prayer which usually consists of praying for family members and a big, "AMEN!" Then he says, "Let's talk." The subject matter can change on any given night, but he usually likes to talk about Burt and Ernie, the Smurfs, or the Chipmunks.  The whole time, I kiss his little face, or rub his hands or arms and give him "the shivers" as I called it when I was a little girl. He used to fall asleep to me kissing his face when he was a little baby. The close proximity to his face would make him close his eyes, and then he'd realize that it felt good to close his eyes. We talk about whatever he chooses and I tell him a little story about the characters, and then he says, "I go get in bed."  I kiss his little face a few more times as I lay him down in his bed. I always tell him he is my "heart and soul boy", and he says, "Love you sign (sign language for I Love You),  CHECK (thumbs up), live long and prosper (from Star Trek) and hang loose!" Then I quietly close the door and walk out.  I usually don't hear from him again for another 13 hours!  I LOVE this time that I get to spend with him.  Cash had me all to himself for 19 months, but Beckett has never had that.  I love that he looks forward to that time everynight.

After putting Beckett down, I come out and depending on where he is in the Umizoomi episode, he can either finish it, or we get in bed and save the rest for the next day.  When we get in his bed, we say our prayers, mine first and then his.  He always prays for his family, and recently he has been praying for Christmas, Santa, his toys, etc. I think he has Christmas presents on the brain! He always says, "thank you for Jesus who died on the cross to save our souls, in Jesus name and give thanks, AMEN!" He likes to word things like we do.  Then HE says, "Let's talk." Again, the subject matter changes practically nightly. So far this week, we've talked about trucks, Christmas time, Santa, police officers, etc. He twirls my hair everytime he is sitting next to me, but particularly when he's tired, or I'm laying down with him.  He twirls it so tight that almost everyday I have a chunk I have to pull out because its beyond repair.  I love that he does it though. If my hair is in a pony tail, he says, "Can you take your hair down? I want to play with your hair."  He likes for me to tell him stories, but its also a time that I can listen to all the things he's thinking about or wants to say.  Cash loves to cuddle with me.  He puts his arms around my neck and pulls me in so we're nose to nose. That's how he used to sleep with me when he was a baby.  Tonight, I had just started to fall asleep and he brushed his hand over my face and said, "Mama, you're so beautiful." This woke me up, as I was so caught off guard. I thanked him and told him I loved him very much. He said, "I love YOU very much, Mama."  We laid there a while longer and then I told him it was time for me to go out of his room. I said, "I love you so much baby boy. You're my heart." He said, "I'm your heart and soul boy?" :) This made me smile. I have always called both the boys that since they were born. 

I wanted to write this post because I know that nights like these, where there is nothing particularly interesting going on, are going to be the ones I will miss the most. The simple act of rocking my son to sleep, or laying down with him until he's close to sleep. There are nights where I'm so tired, or try to rush it because I want some "me time" but then there are nights like tonight when I'm caught off guard by their sweetness.

I just love being their mother.

Now, my bedtime! I'll leave you with a conversation I had with Cash at bedtime a few nights ago...

October 13, 2013

 Cash: (turns over and throws his arm around my neck so we're nose to nose) "I wanna keep ya."

Me: I wanna keep you too. I love you so much. You're such a sweet boy.

Cash: ....Let's talk about girls.

Me: What girls?
...
Cash: Hermione and Ginny. (from Harry Potter)

Me: Oh, ok. Ginny is a very nice girl. She is very smart, and very brave and she plays Quidditch.

Cash: YES! Let's talk about Hermione.

Me: Hermione is very smart and very strong.

Cash: Does Hermione smooch Ron?

Me: What do you think?

Cash: Does she?

Me: Probably, because when people love each other, sometimes they smooch. Like me and Daddy.

Cash: (very seriously) Daddy doesn't love you, only I love you.

Me: Daddy loves me. Its nice when Mamas and Daddys love each other.

Cash: Only I love you. Daddy can't smooch you, only I can smooch you.

Me: What about Beckett?

Cash: Ok, him too.

Negatives and POSITIVES

SO its been a few weeks since my last weekly update. I am now 11 1/2 weeks!

Nausea has been a problem in both of my other pregnancies during the first trimester and this one was no different.  My weeks change on Saturday, and Beckett's 2nd birthday party (small family party) was on Saturday, September 14th. That was the first day I felt really sick.  It was kind of funny, because I was beginning to think I was home free from the nausea this time, and then BAM!

With Cash, I was sick from 6 weeks until 12 weeks. I didn't take any medication with him because I didn't know much about it. I was throwing up anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day. It was AWFUL!

With Beckett, like this pregnancy, I didn't start getting sick until around 7, 7 1/2 weeks and I thought maybe I wouldn't be sick with him. Of course, the nausea came, and I was very sick until around 9 weeks. I took some medication to help me be able to eat, and keep down what I ate. If I remember correctly, I was only taking one, sometimes two pills a day (way under the maximum amount). That helped, but I was still very nauseated without it. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that it would go away because I couldn't handle the constant throwing up with a toddler running around. Thankfully around 9 weeks it subsided. I told myself that if the nausea went away, I wouldn't question why, but of course I was a little bit worried. At 10 weeks exactly I heard Beckett's sweet little heartbeat on a fetal monitor I bought.

This pregnancy has been difficult to compare to the others. Like I said, around 7 weeks I started getting really sick on a constant basis. I called my doctor as soon as I found out I was pregnant and told them I needed a prescription for Ondansetron, my nausea medicine. I started taking one pill in the morning. I quickly figured out that wasn't going to cut it.  By 8 1/2 weeks I was taking almost the maximum amount allowed in the instructions on the bottle, although I found out later that I could have taken more. It helped significantly BUT I was still sick, and throwing up.  The food aversions were pretty bad also.  Almost nothing sounded good. Things that may have sounded good one day, would be something that made me gag the next day.  Again, I prayed and prayed and PRAYED  that it would go away and I could feel normal again. Around 9 1/2 weeks it started to subside.  I am 11 1/2 weeks now, and I still feel nauseated sometimes, but its leaps and bounds better than constant nausea.

Everyone always says that after you give birth, every negative experience during that time is a distant, foggy memory afterwards because all you can remember is the happiness of holding your baby for the first time. I feel the same way about pregnancy.  Of course, I remember the hard parts of each of my pregnancies, but sometimes its hard to remember the hard parts in terms of how hard they actually were.  If I can remember correctly, I am experiencing some symptoms in this pregnancy that I didn't have  a lot of in my others.  I have been having headaches almost everyday that don't seem to want to go away. I have been having some stomach aches too, which I don't remember having with the other two.  My skin has been pretty dry, and I am getting a little bit of a rash on my shoulders and chest. I got the same rash with Cash, and I had it throughout my entire pregnancy. 

NOW for the postives! Haha! I just re-read this and realized that it sounds so whiny and negative.  Yes, there have definitely been some rough patches, but don't think there is a day that goes by where I don't thank God for this baby multiple times. We talk about the baby all the time with the boys. They both refer to it as "her".  I don't know why, because we never refer to a gender when we talk about the baby.  I am definitly showing a lot faster this time. I started really showing with Cash around 16 weeks. With Beckett it was around 13-14.  This time...11 weeks. I've heard that after your first pregnancy, your body just knows what to do, and how to move to accomodate the baby.  Not to mention my uterus expanded to hold an almost 10 pound baby about 2 years ago, so I expected the early show this time.  I know some of it is bloat, but I can definitely feel a little bump.

The MOST exciting thing that has happened today, is I finally found the baby's heartbeat with the fetal monitor this afternoon! Like I mentioned previously, we found Beckett's heartbeat at 10 weeks.  I have been using the monitor almost daily for a few minutes at a time to see if we could find it.  I started worrying that I wouldn't know that it was his/her heartbeat when I heard it, and confuse it with mine.  Today, I laid on my bed, and put the monitor on my belly. Within the first few minutes, I found it! It was much faster than mine, and very strong.  I'm going to try recording it later tonight!  I just so happen to look at the clock the minute I found the heartbeat and it was at 5:01pm. THEREFORE my prediction is that this baby will be born on May 1st (two days before the due date).  :)  Its weird how hearing the heartbeat makes you look at the baby as a real part of the family. There are 5 of us now, even if we can't see him/her.

On a side note, we got Cash and Beckett's halloween costumes today! They are both going to be policemen.  We let them pick out their own costumes and Cash was deciding between Harry Potter and a policeman.  Beckett was deciding between the Hulk, Batman and Superman.  He originally chose Batman, but had an absolute meltdown when he tried it on. We think he didn't like being constricted in the costume because it was a full body suit.  After that he was in no mood to try on anything else, so we got two policeman costumes. He plays policeman all the time so I think it'll be a winner. We had a lovely day going to Acropolis for lunch and getting their costumes. I love having Colt home during the day with us!

I have my second OB appointment on Tuesday, and we'll get to hear the heartbeat on their fetal monitor! Exciting! Talk to you soon, and thanks for reading!!!

A cute, strawberry blonde-ish gal

In my other two pregnancies, I have had what I call a "gender prediction dream".  I don't know whether its a woman's intuition or just one of those strange things that happen sometimes in life, but both times they have come to fruition. 

When I was pregnant with Cash, I dreamed that I gave birth to a little boy, average size with brown hair.  Cash was 7lbs. 8oz. (born at 38 weeks exactly) and had a moderate amount of brown hair covering his little head.

When I was pregnant with Beckett, I dreamed that I gave birth to another boy, but he was significantly bigger than Cash, and with much more hair.  Beckett was 9lbs. 14.5oz (born at 39 wks, 4 days), and had the most hair I have ever seen on a baby.

Last night I had my first "gender prediction dream" of this pregnancy. Of course, I know not to put too much thought into it, but it will be fun to see if I'm right.  Mind you, we were discussing names for this particular gender before going to bed. As I joked with my sister, "this may have influenced my thoughts before bed, and I need to wait for a completely uninfluenced, subconcious dream before I officially 'make the call'."  :)  According to my dream, its a girl! I dreamed that I had an easy delivery, and very easy recovery (was released from the hospital later that day in my dream).  She had strawberry dark blondeish hair and a very sweet face.  She looked a lot like I did when I was a baby! She was about Cash's size and may have been born a little bit earlier than her due date because I seemed surprised that she was coming so soon in my dream.  We named her Claire and something that started with an A for a middle name although I can't remember what it was. Neither are names that we are considering. For some reason, in my dream, I remembered the name that Colt and I are considering as our "front runner" and we named her that.

It was a lovely dream, and I can't wait to see if it comes true! Of course, pink or blue we would be thrilled. There are many benefits to both. November 12th we'll find out for sure!

Party of 5!

Well I suppose its time for an update! Our family of 4 is about to be a party of 5! I'M PREGNANT! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

On August 22nd, a Thursday night, I took a pregnancy test at 10 days past ovulation and laid it on my bathroom counter. I had a few things to do around the house, and two hours later I realized I had completely forgotten about it. I went back in the bathroom and looked at the test. I thought I saw a very faint second line, but you aren't supposed to even look at a test after 10 minutes because the results can be wrong because it has sat out for too long. I disgarded it thinking it was negative. 

When I woke up the next morning, I was nervous to take another test because I REALLY wanted it to be positive, but I was worried that it wouldn't be and it would be a huge let down.  I walked to the bathroom, took the test and stared at it for the next minute or two. I thought I saw a second line forming but again, it was so faint I couldn't tell. I had one of those "Pregnant/Not Pregnant" tests in my bathroom. I figured that would take out the guess work. It was my "lucky test" and I promised myself that I wouldn't use it unless I was pretty sure it was positive.  The test had a little hourglass that blinked on the digital screen. Blink, blink, blink, blink.  I have taken these before, and the longer they blink the more likely it is that they are negative. Blink, blink, blink. I looked away for a second to see if the line had become any darker on the cheap, internet purchased, dip strip test I used. It had. When I turned my head to look at the digital test, it had completed. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T.  The test was looking back at me, seemingly smiling.  I cried. I prayed to God in thanks, and I tried to keep my cool and think of a cool way to tell Colt.

 I had hoped to think of a really cute way to tell Colt I was pregnant this time, but every idea I found on the internet was just not my style.  It was weird timing because he had to go to work all day. I had to decide whether I was going to wait until he got home, exhausted, or BEFORE his longest work day started to tell him.  Cash had gotten into bed with us a few hours before, and woke up when I tried to get out of the bed to take the test. He was playing a game on my phone when I walked out of the bathroom with the positive test.  I tapped him and whispered, "Tell Daddy that Mama has a baby in her tummy." He tapped Colt and said, "Mama has a baby."  Colt didn't hear him and rolled over.  I told him to do it again. This time he slapped Colt on the back and said, "MAMA WANTS A BABY!" Not quite what I was going for, but Colt got the picture. He popped his head up and said, "YEAH?!" I said yes, and showed him the test. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

This time, the road to baby was longer for us.  We got pregnant with Cash the first month trying, and with Beckett we had just began to think of trying, and we were pregnant! This time it took 9 months. I went to the doctor last month to ask if there were any red flags in my blood work or anything that could give us an answer as to why it wasn't happening for us. She said everything looked better than normal, and sometimes it just takes longer. Apparently, even someone in their early 20s (peak fertility age), with no medical problems only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. Who knew?!?

The fact that it took longer, only made me more ecstatic when we finally got the good news. It also made me thankful that everything happened in God's timing. Every time I prayed over the last 9 months concerning another child, I always asked that His will be done because He knows what is best for me and my family.  I know that having 3 children is going to be different and probably considerably harder than having 2. Maybe if I had become pregnant that first month, it would have been too much for me to handle.  It was kind of ironic, that this was the first month that when I prayed I said to God, "Your will be done because You know better than I do....but I feel like I can handle it on my end with Your help." :)  My dad joked and said, "God's will will always be done, but maybe He's open to suggestions." Haha! I like that.


So hear I am, 5 weeks and 4 days. So far, I just have the normal early pregnancy symtoms.  No morning sickness yet, except for one bout on Sunday morning. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep, I feel nauseated, just like I did in my other two pregnancies.  The only time I don't get enough sleep is on Sunday mornings. :) I have my nausea medication ready and waiting.  My first doctor appointment is on September 23rd. I already scheduled my gender ultrasound at Pregnancy Treasures on November 12th. I.CAN'T.WAIT.

The boys are excited about having another sibling.  I know they don't quite get it yet because I don't look any different. Cash always says its going to be a girl. Beckett thinks its a boy. :) We'll seeeeee!

Well I guess that's it for now! I will update more as the weeks progress. Thanks for reading!!!

Sue me

I just got done laying down with Cash for a few minutes. He has frequent nightmares and a little snuggling/playing with my hair always lulls him back to sleep.  It doesn't seem like so long ago that I was a little girl, laying in my big girl bed, having nightmares just like his. I can remember being terrified to take naps because I was afraid the "bad dream man" would come. I'm sure my sister can remember hearing stories about the bad dream man when we shared bunk beds. I made her be quiet as I gave him a stern talking to in my mind, trying to persuade him not to send bad dreams. Sad when you think about it. Especially when I see Cash going through the same thing. I hate that he has bad dreams, but I LOVE being the nurturing comfort he calls for to lay with him a while.

Almost everytime I lay with or hold one of my boys as they sleep for any length of time, I begin to get teary. Whether I'm thinking of how much they've grown, or how much growing they have yet to do. I have been thinking more and more about Cash going to school in a few years, and am always very depressed at the thought. I become very anxious and sick to my stomach thinking about the separation.  I can remember the first day of school as a kid, and how exciting the experience was to go to a new classroom, meet your teacher and classmates, find your desk and finally use the new school supplies that I was always so anxious to put to work. To this day a blank piece of college ruled paper entralls me. I can remember coming home from that first day thinking, "That was fun," and then the inevitable drop in your stomach when you realize..."I have to go back tomorrow...and the next day...and the next."  Even as a child, I HATED not having my freedom. I think that's why I hate the thought of Cash going to school. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is scared? What if he gets there, likes it for a few minutes and wants to come home? What if he misses me? What if he's crying and no one will let him call me to come get him? I realize most of these worries are premature, as he just turned 3 and has a few more years before I really have to worry about these things. The problem is, time isn't slowing down. In fact, it feels like its speeding up.  I look at the pictures covering Cash's bulletin board of when he was a little baby. When he just started crawling, and at his 1st birthday party when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Beckett.  I look at Beckett and see him run across the front yard. I see him being more independent, and wanting to do things that Cash does. I see Cash pick up his plate after dinner, walk it to the trash can, clear it, and put it in the sink. I hear him ask me for a "big boy cup with no lid, please" instead of his sippy cup. I see Beckett wanting to run out the front door and race Cash to the tree in the front yard that they always insist on touching before we go to run errands.  Time is flying, and I know it will only get faster. 

It is not lost on me that these days are fleeting. I don't take any of it for granted.  I was sitting here, in my bed last night thinking, "This is what I've waited for." Every hope and dream and ambition for the future that I had growing up has culminated into this moment right now. Wife. Mother. That's what I have always wanted. I know that's not popular to say this day in age, but its true. I also know that these days won't be around forever, and that one day my role as "mother" will be vastly different from what it is today. There will be a lot less daily need from me, and I'll take on the role of safety net, and advisor.  And that's ok. But with every baby step into their independence, I have a strange blend of happiness and pride for their achievement, and sadness for just another thing that they don't need me for. 

Its funny to me now when I watch a movie, with some underlying plot of a teenager needing to spread his or her wings. You almost always hear someone say, "Mom, you need to learn to let go a little bit."  Now as a parent, I think to myself, "Pshh, what an IDIOT!" I'm sure I will hear that same line spoken to me by one of my children someday, and I'm sure I'll be thinking that same response in my head. Don't they remember the days when I changed their diapers, and cleaned up after them, and took them fun places, and worried about what they ate and how I consciously tried to make every moment they needed to be held and nurtured the most calming and "unscary" place they could ever imagine, and how I put a lot of thought into how I can shape them into decent, Christian young men.  I don't think its possible to realize, until you have children, how much of their soul that your parents pour into you.  I feel like everything I have, mind, body and soul is wrapped around my three (Colt, included) boys.  Thankfully, Colt I can hold on to until one of us dies, but one day I'm going to have to let go of the other two. And tonight, that thought makes me a little teary eyed, and queasy. Sue me.

An Interview with Cash at 2 1/2 years old

What is your favorite color?
-  "Green, Blue and Red"

What is your favorite movie?
-  "Hop and The Muppets"

What is your favorite song?
-  "Pokerface" by Lady GaGa or "Settle Down" by No Doubt

Where is your favorite place to play?
-  "Monkey Bizness"

Who do you love to play with?
-  "Sydney, Ashlyn, Aunt Tara and Uncle Chase"

What is your favorite thing to do?
-  "Play in a band"

What is your favorite thing to wear?
-  "My tie"

What is your favorite drink?
-  "An icee and a cookie...I like that"(what he gets when he is good at the mall)

Can you tell me a story?
-  "Once umma time, there's a girl name Michelle and she walks to Mammy's house. She gets her jammas on."

"Sparkly Eyes"

Just thought I'd share a little story about something that happened today that made me smile. I tear up every time I think about it. It might be one of those things that only a mother would boo hoo over, but I love it.

Cash, Beckett and I were going into the playroom tonight before bed. Cash was watching Beckett as he crawled into the room. He stopped what he was doing and said, "Mama, I like Baby Bear's eyes. They are sparkly."  I just thought it was so sweet that he noticed that, because Beckett does have very big, sparkly eyes...

As evidenced in his "first birthday pictures". I won't post these on Facebook until it gets closer to his birthday, but I thought I'd give a preview to all my faithful blog followers...both of you. :)

What a sweetieface!

My best days

Some days, even with all the stresses and the plans that fell through, and the chores that didn't get done, and the unproductive time that was wasted are still too good, that even the thought of life changing in the smallest measure makes you sick to your stomach in a weird way.

There are so many days that I look around my house and think about all the things that need to get done.  I wonder, besides sheer exhaustion some of the time, what prevents me from doing them? Maybe if my husband wasn't so fun to be around, even doing nothing with, I would want to do more chores.  Not a bad reason to have a messy house. That's love. That's lucky.

Sometimes even folding laundry, like I did tonight can make me choke up as I look at all the clothes that my boys have grown out of.  Some things which they may have only worn once or twice, and now are too small. 

Sometimes I feel like I pour my soul into these boys every minute of everyday, and that there would be no way I could muster even one more ounce of love for them out of my body.

I become increasingly obsessed with photographing or videotaping everyday events, so as not to forget Beckett's "angry face" or the way he looks at his brother when Cash is singing his heart out on top of the toy storage in the playroom, or Cash's sense of humor and toddler speech impediment. I don't want to forget anything. 

As does everything, life changes and my boys will not always be little. Colt and I will not always be young. I know we will go on to find new richness in life at different stages. Right now, I am so thankful for right now. These days are my best days yet.

Moe Clark 7/03'-7/12'

We didn't really want to post anything about this originally, but since people ask so often about our sweet dog Moe, we thought we would get it out in the open so we don't have to relive the conversation over and over again.  Our dog, Moe, who just turned 9 years old passed away this morning. He was very sick the last few weeks, and we had him on several different medications (administering mediciation 5 times a day) but nothing was helping, and Colt and I realized we needed to do something before he began to suffer.
Everyone thinks that their dog is exceptional, but Moe really was. Colt was a bachelor living by himself in a condo when he got Moe as a puppy. Colt was lonely living in the condo by himself, and Moe was the companion that his life was missing. Two years later Colt and I met.  Moe immediately took to me, and when I would come over to Colt's house when we were dating, Moe would jump up in my lap like he was a little lap dog. He accompanied Colt to Orlando when Colt would come to visit me at UCF, and to Clearwater when I would come home. After we were married, Moe moved from the chair that he used to sleep in on Colt's side of the bed, to sleep at my feet everynight. It became a joke between Colt and I that everytime Colt even "play hit me" or gave me a bear hug, Moe would jump on him and bark. When I was prengnat with Cash, he used to lay his head on my belly and let Cash kick him. When Cash was born, he was no longer my dog, or Colt's dog. He was all about Cash.  He followed him around the house all day long. He would follow him in the backyard when Cash had just started crawling and playing in the grass. Cash shared his lunch with Moe everyday (no matter how many times we told him not to!).  For every bite he took, he gave Moe one.  When Beckett was born, he would sit in the playroom with both boys and watch them while they played. He was in the room when Cash crawled for the first time, and when Beckett pulled himself up standing for the first time. He was a huge part of our family.
 
At every stage of his life, and ours, he was exactly what we needed him to be. To Colt, a friend and companion when he was alone. To me, my first "baby" and the first life I felt responsible for. For Cash and Beckett, a playmate, and protector.  We will miss him terribly but are so thankful for all that he was to our family.

Catching Up

Alright, so there is no way that I'm ever going to catch up at this point.

 Beckett is now 10 months old.  He has been crawling like a mad man since about 8 months, and has been pulling himself up on everything for a while now.  He says, "Mamamama", "Dadadada", "WHOA", "WOW" and "Baba" (aka Bye Bye).  He loves to wave bye bye to people, give high fives and clap.  He really loves music just like Cash.  They dance in the backseat all the time.  His current fav is "Call Me Maybe" by some forgettable pop star.  He digs almost anything with a good beat.  He isn't the best eater, as he loves to hoard chewed up table food in his cheeks until he feels its time to spit it out making a big noise, and an even bigger mess. Cash LOVES when he does this.  Beckett loves Cash and always wants to be wherever he is.  Its very cool to see them play with each other, and laugh at each other.  We just moved Beckett out of our room and into his crib a few nights ago.  I have kept him in his crib most of the night, but let him come sleep with me when he wakes up in the early morning hours (5am+).  He has one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen and the most beautiful eyes.  He has a fiery temper and is already throwing temper tantrums, which is naughty, but I kind of love.  No one can ever say that my boys don't have "spirit".  :) We call him a variety of different nicknames ranging from Baby Bear (what we call him most often), Beckett J, Beckett Boy, etc.  He HATES the car with a passion and that is where most of his temper tantrums occur.  Besides that, he is really a very sweet boy, and loves to be close to Colt and I. 

Cashman is a fireball.  He is 2 1/2 now (30 months to be exact) and is all over the place all day long.  He speaks very well now, almost a little too well. :) He still LOVES music. The other day I asked him what his favorite music was and he said, "I love The Stones, Tom Petty, Pokerface Lady Gaga, Superbass..."Yep, he likes Nicki Minaj (the edited version of course).  He also loves girls. Today we were sitting in Panera Bread eating lunch, and a pretty young college student walked in. He stopped what he was doing to watch her walk across the room, and then looked at me and said, "Pretty lady!" He loves to point out the "pretty girls" and "pretty ladies".  Should make for a fun time when he's a teenager. Ugh!  There are literally countless stories I could tell about how funny he is.  He is truly hysterical.  For instance, a few weeks ago when we were visiting Emilee's boyfriend, Nick's church and he had to go to their bible class. I sat in there with he and Beckett to make sure they didn't freak out being in a new environment.  Half way through one of the teacher's songs where she asked what did the "B-I-B-L-E" spell, Cash turns to me and says, "I don't like this church...This church scary!" Yep. That was a fun one to explain.  He is so full of energy, and loves to do anything outside, go to the rec center for open gym, swim etc. etc. etc.  He is still really into Sesame Street and Elmo, but also loves Toy Story (aka Buzz and Woody), Despicable Me (aka Funny Nose), Shrek, Rio and Tangled.  He was watching Rapunzel brush her hair on Tangled the other day and he said, "Like, Mama's hair." Sweet boy!

Well I suppose that catches you up on them for now.

Colt had an amazing opportunity tonight.  He played at the Don Cesar earlier this week, and The Dave Matthews Band and crew just so happened to be staying there.  A lot of the crew, and sound guys came out to sit by the pool where Colt plays, and he entertained them for several hours.  After his show, one of the crew guys that had been with the band for 11 years asked Colt if he had tickets to the show. He said he didn't, and the guy offered to take him backstage to sit with him.  Colt was over the moon obviously.  He said that he could bring me if he wanted, but we moved the boys into different rooms/beds at the beginning of the week, and I didn't want to throw off our progress by being gone from 5pm until around midnight. Plus I am still nursing Beckett so that wouldn't have worked anyway.  Colt got to go backstage, hang out with the crew, and meet Dave and the band.  The sax player had heard Colt out on the patio of the Don, and said that he had a beautiful voice and really enjoyed his music.  Colt left them with a few CDs, and the crew member that brought him in said he would pass them along and get them in the right hands.  Only time will tell, but it was a great opportunity either way!

I am still doing my photography business, and getting ready to branch out in some new and exciting ways.  Stay tuned on that.  I have a lot of things in the works.  Mostly, I am enjoying being home with Colt and the boys everyday.  They keep me busier than two full time jobs would. Haha!

So that's it for now.  Sorry this post wasn't witty, or organized.  I literally typed my words as they popped into my head.  When you time manage, and organize in your head all day long, the last thing you want to do when your kids go to sleep is more of the same.  Talk to you soon!

Oh, hi there!

I KNOW, I KNOW! Its been a while. I've been busy! :) This is going to be a quick update post just filling everyone in on the boys and their latest milestones/fun facts. This post is likely to have many spelling errors and will probably not be grammatically correct.

As for Mama and Daddy, we are doing great. It took a few weeks to get into our groove with two kiddies, but we have it down now. We still don't have strict schedules for either one of them. Everything depends on what we have to do that day as to when they nap. They are both happy, growing boys! The transition from 0-1 baby was A LOT harder than it was from 1-2. I don't know why exactly, but the delivery, hospital experience, and bringing him home all went so smoothly. I know it was all those prayers!

Thank you to everyone for reading our blog, and forgiving me for not posting for about a half a year now! Haha! Hopefully I'll be able to post more often. I'm hoping to shoot Cash's 2 year pictures, and Beckett's 6 month pictures this week! Thanks for reading!!!

**Special thanks to Jess Chamblee for motivating me to write again!**

Cash at 26 months
- Talks all the time and is able to have conversations. Sometimes its hard for others to understand him, but Colt and I can almost always understand what he's saying. If you listen closely, you'll get it.
- Loves Elmo and all the Sesame Street characters
- His favorite things to do are to go to the park, the mall for a "cookie and icee" and play in the "play place", go to Busch Gardens, or visit family
- He loves playing with other kids, especially the kids in his family.
- He loves anything to do with stairs, especially jumping off of them.
- He has proven to be a real "dare devil" and wants to try anything that looks like it could be exciting
- His favorite movies are Shrek, and Rio but he also loves any Sesame Street or Elmo movie
- He weighs around 28-29 lbs.
- He is SO strong willed, and needs a lot of discipline at times, but I love his personality and his "fire". He reminds me a lot of myself. Heaven help me. Haha!
- He loves Oatmeal and Pop Tarts for breakfast (although he isn't supposed to have Pop Tarts, Daddy feeds them to him sometimes), he is really picky about lunch but he'll always eat whole grain pasta with butter and a little bit of garlic salt, and he'll eat almost anything for dinner (spaghetti, chicken, rice, steak, green beans, etc.).
- His favorite restaurants are Tres Amigos for tacos and rice, or Outback for grilled chicken, green beans and a ton of bread! He is also crazy about the Bloomin' Onion. :)
- He is coming out of his milk allergy and is able to have a lot of different kinds of food now, including ice cream! He still drinks Almond Milk though.
- He is a size 7 shoe and 24 months or 2T clothes
- He LOVES LOVES LOVES to sing, and pretend that he's leading singing in church. He says, "Hello. Number 10. Blue book." Then he starts singing at the top of his lungs.
- He also loves to pray, and pretend he is giving out the Lord's Supper.
- He has a real passion for music just like his dad. He can't listen to music without dancing. Almost every night before bed, Cash and Colt will get out their guitars and play together. They also play the harmonica. Cash likes to take an old Nintendo controller, and unroll the cord so it looks like a microphone. He holds it up to his mouth and says, "1,2,3,4!" Colt will start playing and Cash sings so loudly. At the end of their song, Cash yells, "THANK YOU, MUCH!!!"
- Cash can count to 14, and may be able to count higher, but last time he counted, he got distracted and stopped at 14.
- He knows a lot of his alphabet and a few signs for different animals.
- He loves animals (especially alligators) and dinosaurs
- He has two fish, Gil and Debbie
- He has a CRAZY memory and can remember things that I don't even remember until he reminds me.
- He has been saying, "OHHH MYYYYY!" a lot lately, and "IT'S COMING," before something exciting to him happens.
- He is SO sweet with Beckett and asks to hold him all the time

Beckett at 6 months
- He is rolling over and moving all over the place now.
- He has mastered holding his pacifier
- We call him Baby Bear, Bear, or Beckett Boy most of the time
- He has had two hair cuts already
- He has been sleeping through the night since about 8 weeks, but has recently been having very restless sleep. I think we are coming out of it though.
- He started off as a very lazy nurser. Cash would nurse very concentrated for 10 minutes on each side at each feeding. Beckett would nurse very slowly for about 3-4 minutes on each side, and fall asleep. It was a struggle at first to get him to concentrate and stay awake. Now, at 6 months, he is more efficient, but still doesn't nurse for very long.
- I'm not sure how much he weighs or how tall he is. I will find out at his next doctors appointment- He wears 6-9 month or 12 month clothes
- He is an extremely happy and content baby, and only cries when he is hungry or has been in his car seat for a really long time.
- He loves to snuggle before bed just like Cash did. He grabs my face or hair and rolls over so his little shoulders are square with mine on our sides, and he snuggles up close to my face so our noses are touching.
- Cash slept in our bed until he was around 9 months old, and Beckett is still sleeping in the pack-n-play in our bedroom now at 6 months.
- He LOVES Cash and laughs out loud at many of the things he does. He kicks his little limbs all over the place in excitement when Cash comes near him.
- He is still predominately breastfeeding but we've added solids and he eats those twice a day now along with the breastfeeding.
- He loves his jumparoo and walker, although he can't walk in it yet.
- He smiles almost all the time and has been enjoying his new trick, spitting!

Beckett's Arrival!

Well, we did it! So happy to announce that we have another sweet little boy to love on.

Beckett made his arrival just short of the big 4-0. Let me fill you in...

Saturday, the 10th was going to be a big day for our family. For starters, I was embarassingly excited to be getting new carpet installed in the office and guest bedroom (Cash's big boy room). We had a leisurly morning, and then the carpet guy arrived around 2pm. When my mom got off of work, Cash and I met her at their house, which just so happens to be eight houses down from ours. We ran up to Ross for some aisle perusing before dinner. My dad and sister met us back at our house to decide where to go for dinner. We decided to go to CDB's for some pizza. On our way to dinner I noticed that I was starting to have some braxton hicks. This didn't really concern me as I had been having them almost nightly for the last week or two. While sitting at the dinner table, I started to have some anxiety. No reason imparticular, but I felt like labor was approaching. The day before I noticed that my lips were very chapped and dry. I mentioned to my sister that I thought it was indicitive of a hormonal change and that I thought I would go into labor within the next few days. Turns out I was right. As I was sitting at the restaurant, eating my pizza, I started thinking about all the different concerns I had about labor. Not only the concerns, but the outright fears, and also the excitement and anticipation. I could hardly eat my pizza at that point. I was a big ball of nerves, and at that point, I still had no reason to believe I was in early labor. As we left the restaurant and were walking to our cars, I looked up in the sky and saw what looked like a pretty full moon. That's when I knew I would be having a baby very soon.

My parents followed us back to our house so my mom and I could complete a photo project that we had been working on. As we sat on the couch, I started noticing that the braxton hicks were coming on a little bit stronger, and a little bit more regular. I decided to start timing them. They were coming regularly, between 3 and 7 minutes apart, but still not painful. I decided to call the doctor's office after an hour of steady braxton hicks. At my last OB appointment I was 4cm dilated (2cm at 36 wks, 3 cm at 37wks, 3.5 at 38 wks, 4cm at 39 wks) and if I was in labor, I didn't want to miss my window of opportunity to get an epidural if I decided that I wanted one. I called my doctor's offices' answering service, and left a message for the OB nurse to call me. When she did, I explained the situation and she instructed me to go to the hospital and get checked out, to see if the braxton hicks were changing my cervix at all. Everything felt like it was starting to happen. I had had my bags packed and sitting on the dining room table next to the carseat and the diaper bag. Colt had most of his stuff packed but was still collecting a few last minute things, as I was packing up the laptop and other miscellaneous items that couldn't be packed until the last minute. At this point I was still surprisingly calm. By surprisingly calm, I mean I had only thrown up twice. Haha! The night before my induction with Cash, I threw up like I had a stomach flu because of nerves. This time was better. My parents had gone home so that my mom and sister could get ready to go to the hospital with us, and so my dad could pack a few things to spend the night at our house with Cash. I had put Cash to bed about 30 minutes before all of the drama started to happen, so he was already sound asleep. Around 11:30, my dad arrived at our house. I was still wondering around our house looking for things that I needed to pack, but mostly trying not to cry at the thought of leaving Cash for the first time. He had never spent the night away from me. He had never spent more than a few hours away from me. Ever. Finally the time came for Colt and I to leave. I went into Cash's room to check on him and make sure he was comfortable before I left. Upon closing his door behind me, I lost it. I didn't want to leave him. I knew that giving him a sibling would be one of the greatest gifts that I could ever give him, but the thought of leaving him there, without me made me so very sad. I felt a little bit better knowing how obsessed he is with my dad. I knew he would probably be excited to see him if he woke up in the middle of the night fussing, and certainly the next morning. Finally I dried my tears and Colt and I made our way to the hospital, stopping only to say a prayer at the end of our street for a healthy baby and Mama, and a safe and happy Cashman.

When I arrived at the hospital, they sent me up to labor and delivery where I filled out the necessary paperwork, and was lead to Triage where I got into a gown and they hooked me up to the monitors. The nurse had already given me some indications that she didn't think I would be staying to have the baby that night. "Unless your contractions are making you writhe in pain, you probably aren't in labor yet." I explained that I didn't want to miss my window of opportunity for an epidural, being that I was so far dilated at that point and asked if they would jumpstart me on a little bit of Pitocin to get the contractions going a little bit stronger if I wasn't yet in active labor. "We don't induce at night," she said. After being monitored for a while, in the same small section of the Triage room that we were monitored in with Cash at 36 weeks, she came in and said that I was definitely having regular contractions but since they weren't painful they probably weren't changing my cervix. She checked me and said, "Who told you that you were 4 centimenters dilated?" "My doctor..." "Well everyone measures differently, but I Wouldn't even call you 4cm." NOT something you want to say to a very uncomfortable pregnant woman in early labor. At that point I was so aggravated with her attitude I said, "Well...does it shrink back?" She explained that because everyone has different sized hands, and fingers that someone might guess that I'm 4 cm, and someone else might check me right after and estimate a different number. She said she'd come back in an hour and check me again, but if there was no change, they'd be discharging me. Apparently the doctor doesn't want to come to the hospital in the middle of the night if I'm not close to delivering, and she certainly doesn't want to get out of bed to induce me, no matter how far dilated I am. Of course, an hour later, there was no change in my cervix although my contractions were getting stronger. I was sent home. I was so frusterated on the ride home that we had to go through all of that drama, and the emotional roller coaster of leaving my son at home in the middle of the night, knowing that I would have to do all of that again in a few days. I had been hoping that I would go into labor on my own, since I never experienced that with Cash (induced at 38 wks) but at that point I told Colt, "I hope they induce me now, because at least I'll know if they send me to the hospital for the induction, I'll be staying!" We got home around 2am, and found Grandaddy (my dad) and Cash snuggled up on the couch together. Apparently Cash woke up about an hour after we left and was a little confused as to why Grandaddy was there but we weren't. I put him back to bed, where he slept until 6am when he started fussing and we put him in bed with us. That's when I noticed that the contractions were becoming painful. Yep, 4 hours after coming home from the hospital, I knew I was going back at some point later that day.

Sunday morning, September 11th, 2011, I laid there snuggled close to Cash and Colt, having semi-painful contractions from about 6am until 8:30. By that point, they were painful enough to know that I had better get in the shower and get ready to leave for the hospital. I started having painful contractions in the shower, and they continued to get stronger throughout the rest of the "getting ready process". I called my mom when I got out of the shower and told her to get ready to go to the hospital AGAIN. I woke Colt up and told him to get ready to go too. By 10:30am, my mom and sister were at my house and Colt and I were packed and ready to go. I was having a hard time talking through the contractions at that point. Of course, on the ride to the hospital, Cash was in the backseat saying, "Mama...Mama...Aubee......AUBEE!" I remember looking at all of the flags on the side of the road that FC had planted in memory of everyone who died on September 11th, 2001. Cash talked almost the whole way to the hospital, which actually kind of calmed my nerves at hearing some of the cute thing's he'd say. As we passed McDonalds, he said, "MAMA! Ies (fries)!!" I could only laugh. I was still nervous on the way to the hospital that I was in that much pain, but for some reason there would still be no change in my cervix and we'd be sent home again. I prayed so hard that we'd be admitted and that I'd be bringing home a baby. When I arrived at the hospital, they sent me up to labor and delivery again, but instead of taking me to Triage, they sent me to delivery room 2. Right down the hall from delivery room 4, where God gave me one of the greatest blessings in my life. The nurse was the same nurse I had for Cash on the night of my induction. I LOVED her. She checked me, and I was at 5 1/2 centimeters. PROGRESS! She picked up her cordless phone and informed the front desk that I'd be staying. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I had spent the morning feeling pretty nauseated, so after my nurse insterted the IV, she gave me a little bit of Zofran. LOVE love Zofran. The nausea went away for the most part. I was still waiting on my epidural, as they couldn't get ahold of my doctor who was at another hospital, delivering 3 babies over there. Even after they got ahold of her and got her approval, I was second in line with the anestisiologist (spelling?). Finally, I got the epidural at 6cm. That was enough of a taste of "REAL" labor for me! About an hour after my epidural, my water broke on its own as I laid in the hospital bed. Everyone, myself included was excited that my water had broken without intervention. Everyone except Colt, who was concerned that his pillow which I had been laying next to was being ruined. Haha! Don't worry, no pillows were harmed in the laboring process. When the nurse checked to see if it was indeed my water that had broken, she said I was at 7cm. The nurse told me that the doctor wanted to start me on a little bit of Pitocin to really get my contractions going, so she could deliver when she arrived. Shortly after the water breaking, I started to notice that my epidural seemed to be wearing off on my left side. I could feel painful contractions again. They had me lay on my side, as epidurals are affected by gravity. It didn't seem to help, because I felt more pain on my left side throughout the remainder of labor. The anestisiologist even came in to up my dosage of the epidural, but again, it didn't seem to help. The doctor finally arrived at the hospital around 3-3:30ish. She looked kind of frazzled. When I asked her if it had been a busy morning, she said that she had already delivered 5 babies over the course of the last 12 hours! Apparently September 10-11th was a big day for babies. Must've been the full moon. :) She checked me upon her arrival, and low and behold, I was at 10!!! Time to push! I had gone from 7-10cm in less than an hour.

When I turned from my side to lay on my back to begin pushing, I felt one of the worst pains I've felt in my life. At that point, I felt like I had never had an epidural. All I could do was breathe through the contractions. I told the doctor that I could feel everything and she said, "Ok well lets push this baby out!" I was READY! I pushed as hard as I could for three contractions. I remembered that when Cash's head came out, it was only one more push and his body came out very easily. When they told me that Beckett's head was out, I breathed a sign of relief thinking that the hard part was over. I pushed again, thinking it was going to be my last but his body was not coming out. I didn't see it happen, but I'm told that the doctor started to freak out a little bit, checking his neck to make sure the cord wasn't wrapped around it. Then she started pulling on his head and neck pretty hard to help him come out. My sister Emilee started getting worried and said she wanted to yell, "He isn't Gumby!" Throughout all this drama, I was trying to hold the push, and re-pushing with no break. I was determined to get that kid out! Finally I felt his body leave mine, and I heard the doctor say, "OHHHH MY GOODNESS! He is HUUUUGE!"

It was so amazing to feel Beckett's soft, warm body laying on top of me. He had so much hair, and the fattest cheeks I had ever seen. I could hear the nurses and doctor in the background talking about how big he was. At that point, we still didn't know how much he weighed. Sharon, Colt's mom, cut the cord, as Colt gets totally freaked out at the thought of it. It was so special to me that I got to have Colt, my mom, my sister and Sharon in the room to experience everything with me. My mom cut Cash's cord, and Sharon cut Beckett's cord. I just LOVE that. Colt was amazing throughout everything. With Cash, he was so nervous, and faint feeling as I pushed. This time, he stood up next to my hospital bed, rubbing my head telling me how proud he was of me. I could tell right away that Beckett looked a lot like Colt.

They took him over to the warming bed, and cleaned him off to weigh him. "He's got to be at least 9lbs if not 10," I heard the doctor say to one of the nurses. I thought she was crazy. They laid him on the scale and EVERYONE was shocked to see that that fat boy weighed 9lbs. 14.5oz!!! I didn't have gestational diabetes or anything that would make him super large. Just lucky I guess. Haha!

After he was cleaned up, and I got myself together, our relatives that weren't in the delivery room were allowed to come up to see Beckett. We loved showing him off. The sense of pride you have after delivering a baby is like nothing else. I felt on top of the world. Even now, about a week after having him, I still haven't lost that feeling.

The hospital stay was much different this time around. I didn't hate it so much this time. I think because I'm used to a different bedtime now (2am as opposed to 6am before we had Cash), it was easier to fall asleep in the hospital. My mom stayed with me so Colt could keep Cash on his normal schedule at home. My mom was such a big help. The first night, Beckett didn't like sleeping in his little clear, plastic hospital bed, so my mom held him almost the whole night between nursing every two hours or so. One thing that didn't change is we still got no sleep. Just when you fall asleep, you have a nurse coming in to check your blood pressure and temperature, then a little while later another one comes in to check the baby, then after they leave, its time for your pain meds, then you have to go to the bathroom (which is very difficult as your body is so sore after labor), then the baby is awake and needs to nurse again (every 2 hours). The first night I think I slept on and off for about two to two and a half hours. The second night, maybe about an hour and a half. Thankfully my family, and Colt's family rallied together and helped us so much when we got home. They watched Cash for us, and took him to do fun things so we didn't feel guilty about pawning him off to get some sleep.

So there it is! The whole birthin' journey! We are so happy to have him. Colt, Cash and I went to Target tonight for a few things, leaving Beckett with my parents so he wasn't exposed to all the germs. It was the first time I've been away from him since his birth. Its only been a little over a week and it felt so strange not to have him riding in the backseat with Cash. Cash asked to hold him today and loves to give him kisses. We are so blessed. Hopefully I can crank out another post about the first week home. I'm pacing myself. :) Thanks for reading!