"I Just Thought You Should Know": Marriage

I'm in one of those really happy, mushy, and blissfully emotional moods right now, so please excuse me if this post is gag worthy. Life is good. I've been inspired by the title of Kate Gosselin's new book I Just Thought You Should Know. Although I don't endorse Kate Gosselin or her books, I thought this was an inspiring title. As a new mother, there is so much I want Cash to know about myself, Colt and our life in general. Perhaps that's why my posts are so long and detailed and I take about a million pictures of him per day. I don't want to forget anything, and I want to be able to show him how happy we are to have him. This post will be my version of I Just Thought You Should Know on the topic of "Marriage", combined with a few of my hopes for the man Cash will turn out to be. I plan on making a series of posts on I Just Thought You Should Know, on different topics. They may be long, and they may be detailed, but I make no apologies. These posts, more than any of the others, are for Cash. So, my love, this one is for you!

"Marriage"

Everyone says that having a baby changes your marriage. In my limited experience, I don't know that I would agree that it CHANGES your marriage, but it has definitely made our bond more significant.

To begin, I'll try to keep it light. You always hear about those girls who get married, and then their husbands start to complain that they don't dress up anymore, or they stop wearing makeup, etc. I did NOT want to be one of those girls. I made a point to try and look cute, even if we were just going to a movie or out to dinner. Of course there were days that I looked a mess, but you understand what I'm saying. An effort was made on most days. When you're pregnant, especially towards the end, and you're big and fat, and your feet start to swell, and your nose starts to spread across your face, its almost impossible to look OR feel beautiful. I thought that was bad...until I was in labor. There is no "looking cute" in labor. I showered that morning before they started my Pitocin, but was already contracting pretty hard, as my Cervidil was started the night before. I was hoping to look at least presentable because I knew there would be photos of Colt and I with the baby. I was an atrocious mess. I continued to look like an atrocious mess until well after I arrived home. My pre-pregnancy, cute pajamas turned into old baggy t-shirts that I could nurse in. I was still trying to figure out how to get ready with a baby in the mix. I would get a shower, and then the baby would start to cry, so putting on makeup and drying my hair wasn't my first priority at that minute. You want to look cute after having a baby. After all, you've been steadily gaining weight for nine months. I really did enjoy my pregnancy, although I had been looking forward to feeling like my normal self again. What I learned through all of the turmoil of those first two weeks post-labor, was that Colt couldn't care less about those things. Of course, I'm sure he doesn't want me walking around looking like a nomadic gypsy at this point, but I could see that this was one way our bond had become more significant. During pregnancy, and labor husbands see some pretty disgusting stuff and all modesty is thrown out the window. During labor, and for a time after labor, you ain't lookin' so hott (or at least I wasn't). The whole process reaffirms the promise that Colt loved me for me, and loved me for giving him a baby. Experiences like that, when your partner sees you at your worst, always bring the two of you closer together, and it really strengthens your relationship.

Colt and I have always had a really good relationship. We were never one of those couples that breaks up and gets back together a million times. It has been pretty smooth sailing since we met. We've both always said, even if we both had never been romantically interested in each other, we would have been best friends. Before you go throw up, let me redeem myself by saying this doesn't mean that we never bicker. Of course, like every married couple, we do have our moments!

One of the best compliments I can give Colt is that he always takes the time to understand where I'm coming from. He has the ability to put himself in my shoes to really understand what I'm trying to tell him. This quality is invaluable for me in a partner because I'm a big "communicator". If there is something that is bothering me, I have to talk about it and I won't feel better until I do. He is the same way. In my opinion, even when you're not the type of person that needs to talk about things, you should force yourself to communicate, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable you are. Its not healthy to bottle things up! Repression leads to resentment! Hey...I'm a stay at home mom, I have to get SOME use out of my psych degree. :)

Part of the reason I think Colt and I work so well together is because we are opposites in many ways, and the same where it counts. I knew I wanted to marry someone that shared the same values and beliefs that I did. This was of the utmost importance to me. I knew Chase through Tara before I met Colt, so I already knew what kind of family he had come from. He had a family like mine. They went to church three times a week, and had parents that were very active members in their congregation. He had a good example of marriage at home, with traditional gender roles. There was a lot of love in their family, and if you've ever seen Colt with his mom, you would just know he was going to be a good husband. That's what I was looking for. I knew within the first few times I talked to him that I was going to marry him. "I knew the way you know about a good melon."

I won't go into all of the "magic" and the wooing and the song writing ;) although there was plenty of all of that, I think I'll save some things just for Cash's ears. I want him to know what a good father he has, but not only that. I want him to know what a good husband I have. I'm so thankful that this is the type of marriage I have, that will be an example to our children.

As I said earlier, our marriage has become more significant since Cash's arrival. More significant in that, its not just about us anymore. Our children will be watching everything we do as a married couple. Colt and I were riding in the car the other day, and I told him, I can remember being a kid, sitting in the backseat during road trips, "thinking". There were so many times when Emilee or Brian Jr. would want to play road trip games, and I'd always be looking out the window, telling them, "Not now, I'm thinking." I can remember driving at night on one of our many trips to Florida from Tennessee, when the car was dark and quiet, listening to the radio, and watching my father lean over and grab my mother's hand to hold. That is still my idea of real romance. When your minivan is full of kids, making a 12 hour trip out of state, you still find time to see the beauty in your relationship, and share a seemingly private moment with your spouse. That is where it starts for kids.

My father's example as a husband cemented my preferences for what my husband would be like one day, and I'm so thankful for that. As many of you know, my biological father, Cole Venable, passed away when I was 2 years old. Things could have turned out very differently for me. If my mother had never remarried, or married a different kind of man, I could have been a very different person. God really blessed our family the day that my father (Brian) and mother met. Mama has had the privilege of being married to two great men in her life.

I want Cash to always be aware of his actions, not only in his marriage, but life in general. I want him to be aware of how his actions will affect other people. One reason (among many others) that I know Colt will always be faithful to me is because he is aware of how his actions will affect other people. He realizes that infidelity would destroy our marriage, our children, and our families. I want Cash to treat his wife not only how he would want to be treated, but better! I realize that one of my jobs as his mother, is to prepare him for his future role as a husband by showing him how to treat a girl. I know Colt will show him a good example, but I can offer a female perspective that he doesn't have. I hope Cash feels that he can always come to me with any question.

I'm finding it difficult to end this post. I feel like there is so much more I want to say on this topic. I realize (almost) three years of my marital experience is just a drop in the bucket to many couples I know, and I may look back on this post several years from now and laugh about how juvenile, and ambitious it sounds. I don't care. It's how I feel now, which is what I'm trying to express. When I look back on these last few years that we've been married, the one word I can think of to describe them is simply, happy. Its such a plain jane word, but its the truth. I wake up everyday to a husband I truly love, and truly love being around. He makes my life exciting and full of laughter. I wish that for Cash. Colt and I will be so happy if we are able to watch him enjoy the same type of relationship one day.

This post is obviously my take on marriage. I welcome any comments or advice that my married readers would like to give Cash that I may have not included. I love hearing about happy marriages!

I hope this wasn't too "gag-worthy", but I think that honoring one's spouse, and marriage every once in a while is healthy. In the wise words of Martha Stewart, "It's a good thing." Thanks to everyone for reading. Look for more "I Just Thought You Should Know" posts coming soon!

14 Weeks: "Sweetieface the Cuddlebug"

I'm going to try to make these updates more of a progress report instead of a novella. I'll save my lengthy posts for when I really have something important to say...so stay tuned, I've got a few in the works. All that to say, I don't want to neglect or belittle my milestone documentation duties. My documenting/blogging/picture taking has almost reached obsessive proportions, as I don't want to forget ANYTHING. I know I'll be thankful for these updates one day. My mom recently read my monthly milestones to me. It was interesting to see where Cash is at compared to where I was at. At three months, I was around 13 lbs., my sister was around 13 lbs., and my brother...well he was 17 lbs. at TWO MONTHS! He was so fat, but you'd never know it if you saw him now! Anyway, I'll try to keep this short and sweet!

Physical: I'm not sure how much he weighs, but I weighed myself, and then weighed him and there was a 15.5 lb. difference. Colt did the same, and there was a 14.5 lb. difference, so we'll say he's somewhere between 14 and 16 lbs. at 14 weeks. I'll be more specific as soon as I can find out for sure. He still has a clogged tear duct. His hair is thinner, but I can't tell if he's still losing it because I couldn't tell he was losing it to begin with until I saw the difference in pictures.

Sleeping Habits: He's sleeping a lot more lately although not 7 or 8 hours at night like he had been. We've been getting about 4 to 5 hour stretches. He still prefers to sleep with me, which he usually does at some point in the night. I start him out in the cradle, but Colt and I both love having him in the bed with us, and he likes it, so he usually ends up there. The other night, he was having some "tummy troubles", and the only way he would sleep was if he had one hand on each side of my face, and we slept nose to nose...literally. My lips were holding his pacifier in. Of course we didn't sleep that way the whole night, as I wouldn't want to expose him to my carbon dioxide (or morning breath).

Eating Habits: He's still predominantly nursing although he takes a bottle occasionally, when its convenient. We've tried some more "solid" foods, and he seems to like everything, with the exception of carrots, although we may still give those another try. He likes pears, bananas, peas and green beans. Coincidentally, he's tried them in that order (with carrots fitting between the bananas and peas). For about a week and a half it seemed that he didn't want to nurse as long. He used to do 10 minutes on each side, but started wanting only about 5 on each. He's back to about 8-10 on each again.

Milestones: I would say the solid foods are a milestone. He is still trying to grasp toys and sometimes he does pretty well with it. He's REALLY good about holding his head up. He can almost support it completely by himself.

His Favorites: His favorite toys are his Lion, "Lionel", which has a rattle on his feet and different fun noise makers on each appendage, his soft book, and "Clara" the musical fish. He loves giving us kisses and when we give him "zurburts" on his neck. He also loves any game of anticipation, and he squeals with excitement.

Personality: The boy LOVES TO CUDDLE! This is one of my favorite things about him. He can't get enough cuddle time. He is very sweet natured, and smiles easily. He hasn't laughed yet, but he does a grunting noise sometimes, which I think will turn into his laugh a little bit later. He is a very content baby. He loves sitting in our laps, and looking around at the world. He loves riding in his stroller with the top pushed back so he can see everything. He is such a people watcher. I love his curiosity. Cash is almost always good when we go out to dinner (has only mildly fussed twice). If he does start to get fussy, he is easy to calm, and just sits on my lap and listens to the conversation. He also loves to "talk" and babbles all the time. His favorite phrase is still "A-GOO", although many of you may have seen him say "Hi" on one of my videos. Cash is also a fan of constant motion. He loves the feeling of riding in the car or his stroller which is such a blessing for us!

Humor: My mother, who has always been a big proponent of spanking a child if need be, has suddenly had a change of heart. Not really of course, but she says it is definitely different when its your grandbaby who is the "spankee". I told her that he is getting to the point where he is screaming, not crying, but screaming out of annoyance or anger. Now before I get hate mail, NO I haven't spanked him. We call them "pops". I told my mom, the other day, I had to give him a pop on his diaper because he screamed in anger. Of course he felt no pain because it was no harder than how I hit him on the back when I'm burping him, but he did feel a physical response to his audible stimulus. :) Does that count as using my psych degree? HA! When I told my mom about his first "pop" she responded with these exact words..."Don't you touch my sweetieface." I love that story!

New to this week: We've been taking walks everyday, and he loves "working out" with Mama and Daddy. Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but one of the cool features on our swing is that you can replace the seat that came with the swing with his carrier/carseat. Its more convenient when you're coming in from the car with a sleeping baby, to stick his carrier on the swing base, and let him swing than it is to transfer him from the carrier to the swing seat. Anyway, we had been using the carrier as the sole seat because the seat that came with it, although extremely fashionable and a good match with our living room (the seat is giraffe print), it was still a little bit too big for Cash. All that to say, we started using the bigger seat this week. We also took the head positioner out of his carseat.

Colt and I were just saying we can't believe we have a 3 1/2 month old! Don't ask me where the time went. INSANE! LoveLoveLoveCan'tGetEnough of him. :)

12 Weeks: My Baby Can Read...Sort of

Starting to look a little more like Mama this week? What do you think?

Cashman is 12 weeks! Its not quite 3 months exactly because he was born on the 13th, but we're almost there. He is growing like crazy, and he's had so many new milestones recently. I think of new post ideas to start almost daily, and I don't have the time to write them all. So where should I begin?

Physical: I don't think I've ever mentioned this before, but I wasn't sure of what it was until now (and I'm still not really sure). I think he may have a little birth mark over his right eye. Its a little light red patch that he's had since he was born. Its one of my favorite things about him. He also has a few little red dot type birth marks on the back of his neck. I love them because I had the same red dots when I was born. Another fun physical fact is that his fingernails seem to grow about three times faster than they should. I have to file them down at least once a week, if not more. Maybe this is normal? He is in size 2 diapers, 3-6 month jeans, and 3 month shirts/onesies.

Milestones: As previously mentioned, there are many this week. I kept hearing that Cash's hands would "open up" to be able to grab objects around this time, and for the past few weeks I've been waiting, and waiting...and waiting for that to happen. He has been grabbing handfuls of my hair for several weeks now, but he hasn't shown and interest in grabbing at his toys until this week. My mom bought him a little cloth Elmo book with squeaky toys built into the pages, and little pieces of fabric that make different noises, or are attached with string. Cash LOVES it! We started to use his high chair this week (which is related to another milestone to be discussed next) to assist in playtime among other things. We would sit him down in it, and put several of his toys on the tray. He grabbed the book immediately and proceeded to look at the pages like he was reading it. I have a video of it that I posted on our family YouTube channel, but I'll post it here also. Another milestone this week was the introduction of "solid" foods. We gave him pears on Sunday night and he LOVED them! We have a video of this also. Cash seems to be very flexible with everything in general, but especially with eating. He mainly nurses, but he also takes a breast milk bottle, formula, and now solid foods! Its been such a blessing because sometimes there's no place to nurse when you're out in public and its easier to give him a bottle. At dinner on Wednesday night, Cash was getting antsy at the table, and instead of me having to go to the bathroom to nurse him, I popped my little container of bananas out of my diaper bag and fed him in his carrier. SO easy! We bought some vegetables, and other fruits as well. Cash will be trying some new cuisine over the next few weeks, so I'll keep you updated on his likes and dislikes. So far he likes both bananas and pears and is kind of indifferent about carrots! I don't know if the next milestone I'm going to discuss is directly related to the solid foods, or he's just turned over a new leaf, but this is by far my favorite milestone...his new sleeping schedule (discussed in the next section). We've also started trying to mentally stimulate him during playtime. We lay all of his toys out on his mat, and show him how to play with them. We've also started the "Your Baby Can Read" program! I wasn't sure how much he'd like it, since the first step in the program is to show him words with no pictures. The directions say you should show the word, and repeat it several times while running your finger under the word from left to right, to show the direction in which you read. He LOVES it! I couple of times, Colt and I have thought we heard him try to mimic our speech. His favorite words are, "wave" and "arms up". They are the two words (or phrases) he seems to mimic most often. Of course, he isn't "saying" the words, but he makes noises that sound like our tone of voice when we read them to him.

Sleeping Habits: He's been sleeping for longer periods of time. He's slept 6 hours straight 2 nights this week, and about 4 to 5 hours straight the rest of the nights. This is a far cry from the 2 1/2 to 3 hour stretches I was getting. Now I suppose I should explain his normal sleeping "schedule". He's on the "no schedule, schedule". :) We don't put him down at a certain time, he sleeps when he wants to. He sleeps on and off throughout the 24 hours in a day. The only time I'm certain he'll be sleeping is between the hours of 6 and noon (because that's when I usually sleep). It might sound crazy, but that's the schedule we've been on since before Cash was born. I think I mentioned in a previous post that Colt and I haven't gone to bed before 2am since we've been married (alright, maybe once or twice). So far, its been working out. I know it won't last forever, but it works for now. He's not sleeping all the time, contrary to popular belief. We have plenty of playtime, and outside time everyday. He is still sleeping in bed with me most nights. I don't know who is going to have the harder time when he goes in his crib, me or him. I love sleeping with him. I always start him off in his cradle, but after about 15 minutes, he's starts making noises, which eventually leads to a scream. Not a crying scream, just a scream. I'll give him his pass (pacifier), and he'll calm down for a second, before he drops the pass deliberately and then screams again. After a few minutes of this, I bring him up in the bed with me. Colt and I were both laughing the other night when we were going through this routine. I picked him up to lay him in bed with me, and he started smiling and babbling in excitement. What a booger! He sleeps on a pillow, snuggled up next to me. Most nights we fall asleep with his forehead to my chin. I think the feeling of my breath on the top of his head calms him down because he falls right to sleep. I will miss that so much when he gets older.

Favorites: Currently, his favorite song is "Happy Together" by the Turtles. Colt had to learn it for a wedding he was playing. He started practicing it on his guitar in the guest room while I was nursing on the couch. After the first few chords, Cash, who was half asleep at the time, started to chuckle. At first I thought it was just a fluke, but then he woke up completely and started to do this grunt type laugh that he does. I called Colt to come in the living room where we were, and he started playing it again. Cash started smiling and chuckling again. We don't know why he likes it so much, but he does. His favorite toy this week would have to be his Elmo soft book. He also really likes a book I bought him about trucks. He seems to like books in general.

Nicknames: If I'm not careful Cash is going to think his name is "my sweet love" because I call him that more than anything. Its either that, or "my love", "my boy", "my baby", or "Cashy". Colt has recently taken to calling him "Goose" because the back of his hair looks, and feels like goose feathers. I think its a sweet nickname, but always makes me think of Top Gun. We both call him "Cashman" or "Loveman". I've heard my dad call him "Scooter", and my mom calls him "Cashy" but it sounds like "Cassie", which drives my sister and Colt crazy. I like it though. :)

The second month of Cash's life is ending just as great as it started. His personality is developing more and more everyday. We feel so priviledged to be his parents and watch him grow.

YouTube Channel Link: http://www.youtube.com/user/CACFamily?feature=mhw5