"I Just Thought You Should Know": Marriage

I'm in one of those really happy, mushy, and blissfully emotional moods right now, so please excuse me if this post is gag worthy. Life is good. I've been inspired by the title of Kate Gosselin's new book I Just Thought You Should Know. Although I don't endorse Kate Gosselin or her books, I thought this was an inspiring title. As a new mother, there is so much I want Cash to know about myself, Colt and our life in general. Perhaps that's why my posts are so long and detailed and I take about a million pictures of him per day. I don't want to forget anything, and I want to be able to show him how happy we are to have him. This post will be my version of I Just Thought You Should Know on the topic of "Marriage", combined with a few of my hopes for the man Cash will turn out to be. I plan on making a series of posts on I Just Thought You Should Know, on different topics. They may be long, and they may be detailed, but I make no apologies. These posts, more than any of the others, are for Cash. So, my love, this one is for you!

"Marriage"

Everyone says that having a baby changes your marriage. In my limited experience, I don't know that I would agree that it CHANGES your marriage, but it has definitely made our bond more significant.

To begin, I'll try to keep it light. You always hear about those girls who get married, and then their husbands start to complain that they don't dress up anymore, or they stop wearing makeup, etc. I did NOT want to be one of those girls. I made a point to try and look cute, even if we were just going to a movie or out to dinner. Of course there were days that I looked a mess, but you understand what I'm saying. An effort was made on most days. When you're pregnant, especially towards the end, and you're big and fat, and your feet start to swell, and your nose starts to spread across your face, its almost impossible to look OR feel beautiful. I thought that was bad...until I was in labor. There is no "looking cute" in labor. I showered that morning before they started my Pitocin, but was already contracting pretty hard, as my Cervidil was started the night before. I was hoping to look at least presentable because I knew there would be photos of Colt and I with the baby. I was an atrocious mess. I continued to look like an atrocious mess until well after I arrived home. My pre-pregnancy, cute pajamas turned into old baggy t-shirts that I could nurse in. I was still trying to figure out how to get ready with a baby in the mix. I would get a shower, and then the baby would start to cry, so putting on makeup and drying my hair wasn't my first priority at that minute. You want to look cute after having a baby. After all, you've been steadily gaining weight for nine months. I really did enjoy my pregnancy, although I had been looking forward to feeling like my normal self again. What I learned through all of the turmoil of those first two weeks post-labor, was that Colt couldn't care less about those things. Of course, I'm sure he doesn't want me walking around looking like a nomadic gypsy at this point, but I could see that this was one way our bond had become more significant. During pregnancy, and labor husbands see some pretty disgusting stuff and all modesty is thrown out the window. During labor, and for a time after labor, you ain't lookin' so hott (or at least I wasn't). The whole process reaffirms the promise that Colt loved me for me, and loved me for giving him a baby. Experiences like that, when your partner sees you at your worst, always bring the two of you closer together, and it really strengthens your relationship.

Colt and I have always had a really good relationship. We were never one of those couples that breaks up and gets back together a million times. It has been pretty smooth sailing since we met. We've both always said, even if we both had never been romantically interested in each other, we would have been best friends. Before you go throw up, let me redeem myself by saying this doesn't mean that we never bicker. Of course, like every married couple, we do have our moments!

One of the best compliments I can give Colt is that he always takes the time to understand where I'm coming from. He has the ability to put himself in my shoes to really understand what I'm trying to tell him. This quality is invaluable for me in a partner because I'm a big "communicator". If there is something that is bothering me, I have to talk about it and I won't feel better until I do. He is the same way. In my opinion, even when you're not the type of person that needs to talk about things, you should force yourself to communicate, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable you are. Its not healthy to bottle things up! Repression leads to resentment! Hey...I'm a stay at home mom, I have to get SOME use out of my psych degree. :)

Part of the reason I think Colt and I work so well together is because we are opposites in many ways, and the same where it counts. I knew I wanted to marry someone that shared the same values and beliefs that I did. This was of the utmost importance to me. I knew Chase through Tara before I met Colt, so I already knew what kind of family he had come from. He had a family like mine. They went to church three times a week, and had parents that were very active members in their congregation. He had a good example of marriage at home, with traditional gender roles. There was a lot of love in their family, and if you've ever seen Colt with his mom, you would just know he was going to be a good husband. That's what I was looking for. I knew within the first few times I talked to him that I was going to marry him. "I knew the way you know about a good melon."

I won't go into all of the "magic" and the wooing and the song writing ;) although there was plenty of all of that, I think I'll save some things just for Cash's ears. I want him to know what a good father he has, but not only that. I want him to know what a good husband I have. I'm so thankful that this is the type of marriage I have, that will be an example to our children.

As I said earlier, our marriage has become more significant since Cash's arrival. More significant in that, its not just about us anymore. Our children will be watching everything we do as a married couple. Colt and I were riding in the car the other day, and I told him, I can remember being a kid, sitting in the backseat during road trips, "thinking". There were so many times when Emilee or Brian Jr. would want to play road trip games, and I'd always be looking out the window, telling them, "Not now, I'm thinking." I can remember driving at night on one of our many trips to Florida from Tennessee, when the car was dark and quiet, listening to the radio, and watching my father lean over and grab my mother's hand to hold. That is still my idea of real romance. When your minivan is full of kids, making a 12 hour trip out of state, you still find time to see the beauty in your relationship, and share a seemingly private moment with your spouse. That is where it starts for kids.

My father's example as a husband cemented my preferences for what my husband would be like one day, and I'm so thankful for that. As many of you know, my biological father, Cole Venable, passed away when I was 2 years old. Things could have turned out very differently for me. If my mother had never remarried, or married a different kind of man, I could have been a very different person. God really blessed our family the day that my father (Brian) and mother met. Mama has had the privilege of being married to two great men in her life.

I want Cash to always be aware of his actions, not only in his marriage, but life in general. I want him to be aware of how his actions will affect other people. One reason (among many others) that I know Colt will always be faithful to me is because he is aware of how his actions will affect other people. He realizes that infidelity would destroy our marriage, our children, and our families. I want Cash to treat his wife not only how he would want to be treated, but better! I realize that one of my jobs as his mother, is to prepare him for his future role as a husband by showing him how to treat a girl. I know Colt will show him a good example, but I can offer a female perspective that he doesn't have. I hope Cash feels that he can always come to me with any question.

I'm finding it difficult to end this post. I feel like there is so much more I want to say on this topic. I realize (almost) three years of my marital experience is just a drop in the bucket to many couples I know, and I may look back on this post several years from now and laugh about how juvenile, and ambitious it sounds. I don't care. It's how I feel now, which is what I'm trying to express. When I look back on these last few years that we've been married, the one word I can think of to describe them is simply, happy. Its such a plain jane word, but its the truth. I wake up everyday to a husband I truly love, and truly love being around. He makes my life exciting and full of laughter. I wish that for Cash. Colt and I will be so happy if we are able to watch him enjoy the same type of relationship one day.

This post is obviously my take on marriage. I welcome any comments or advice that my married readers would like to give Cash that I may have not included. I love hearing about happy marriages!

I hope this wasn't too "gag-worthy", but I think that honoring one's spouse, and marriage every once in a while is healthy. In the wise words of Martha Stewart, "It's a good thing." Thanks to everyone for reading. Look for more "I Just Thought You Should Know" posts coming soon!