Its New Year's Eve, and after the pizza, painting Bellamy's rocking chair, playtime, mini-dance party, and fake countdown, the boys are laying in Cash's bed with Colt watching funny videos on his phone. I just heard Colt singing, "Beautiful Boy(s)" by John Lennon to them. No better way to spend tonight.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Growing Pains
Sometimes growing up is hard. Tonight it was hard.
Cash still takes a pacifier at bedtime. Say what you wish about that, but it was only when he was sleeping, and it wasn't hurting anyone, so we let him have it. Over the past two days, Colt has been working non-stop, and I just so happened to find my self pacifier-less at naptime yesterday. Its difficult to find a pacifier with a one man search and rescue team to scour the whole house and car, but Colt has so much time off with us that its hardly fair to complain. Beckett had his pacifier, but I couldn't find one for Cash anywhere. I told him it was time for his nap and he would have to go to sleep without it. I said, "You are a big boy, and you don't need a pacifier to go to sleep anymore." Suprisingly, he went to sleep rather easily. He woke up about an hour to an hour and a half later, which is a litte bit earlier than he usually does. He was looking for his pacifier in his bed, and was obviously still tired because he wouldn't open his eyes. I saw him moving around on the monitor so I went in to calm him down so he'd finish his nap. That's when the water works started. I put him in bed with me, but he just cried and cried, a tired, sad little cry. Eventually he got over it, and got up to play. He went to bed that night without a pacifier and slept fine through the night.
Today naptime was easy! He went to sleep easily and slept the full, usual two hours.
Tonight, bedtime was a different story. I put Beckett to bed, who coincidentally, decided for the first time today that he wasn't going to take a nap. That has NEVER happened. He went the whole day without sleeping, so he conked out when I put him down. Cash sat on the couch watching Toy Story 3, waiting patiently for me to come out of Beckett's room. He had a snack that I owed him for finishing his dinner, and we walked in his bedroom. We said prayers, talked for a while, and I let him play a game on my phone. Then it was MY time, for the first time all day. I told him I would be out in the living room (he can see me from the foot of his bed) and to go to sleep. This is all normal, bedtime routine. The only difference is, Colt isn't coming home tonight (Saturday night). He is playing a wedding in Marco Island and is meeting us at church tomorrow morning. Cash looks forward to cuddling, and watching funny YouTube videos with Colt everynight. He laid at the foot of his bed asking for Daddy. After 20 minutes or so, the asking, turned into crying...then begging for me to call him. I thought a phone call might help calm him down. He talked to Colt for a few minutes, and it seemed to be getting worse and worse. "I want you to come home. You've been working a long day. I want you to stop working." ALL things a Daddy wants to hear while he's out of town and unable to do anything about it. I wouldn't have subjected Colt to such a guilt trip if I had known that's what Cash was going to say. He usually just says he misses him and asks Colt to come in and check on him when he gets home. Anyway, after that phone call, there was nothing I could do to calm him down. He is learning to try and calm himself down, and lull himself to sleep without the pacifier. There is nothing I can do to help him with that. He laid there crying, and then I, swimming in all of my pregnancy hormones started crying too. He said, "Why are you crying?" I said, "I'm crying because you're sad. I don't want you to be sad." He said, "I won't make you sad again, I promise." I said, "I love you so so much," as I showered him with kisses. He said, "I love you so much too." It was a pretty pitiful sight. After we both calmed down some, he started giggling about this or that. He fell asleep about 20 minutes later, head in my neck and arm crossed through mine. Not a bad resolution for me. I love any and every excuse to cuddle and the smell his skin and hair so close to me. Although both my boys really love to cuddle at bedtime.
Its such a small scale compared to some of the things he's likely to face in life but its so sad to witness your child be so desperate for something, or so distraught in facing a new challenge, yet you know he has to figure it out for himself. Sometimes the only thing you can offer is a little extra cuddle time, a showering of kisses, and excessive "I love yous". That seemed to do the trick for this evening. It may not always be that easy, so I'll take it for tonight.
Cash still takes a pacifier at bedtime. Say what you wish about that, but it was only when he was sleeping, and it wasn't hurting anyone, so we let him have it. Over the past two days, Colt has been working non-stop, and I just so happened to find my self pacifier-less at naptime yesterday. Its difficult to find a pacifier with a one man search and rescue team to scour the whole house and car, but Colt has so much time off with us that its hardly fair to complain. Beckett had his pacifier, but I couldn't find one for Cash anywhere. I told him it was time for his nap and he would have to go to sleep without it. I said, "You are a big boy, and you don't need a pacifier to go to sleep anymore." Suprisingly, he went to sleep rather easily. He woke up about an hour to an hour and a half later, which is a litte bit earlier than he usually does. He was looking for his pacifier in his bed, and was obviously still tired because he wouldn't open his eyes. I saw him moving around on the monitor so I went in to calm him down so he'd finish his nap. That's when the water works started. I put him in bed with me, but he just cried and cried, a tired, sad little cry. Eventually he got over it, and got up to play. He went to bed that night without a pacifier and slept fine through the night.
Today naptime was easy! He went to sleep easily and slept the full, usual two hours.
Tonight, bedtime was a different story. I put Beckett to bed, who coincidentally, decided for the first time today that he wasn't going to take a nap. That has NEVER happened. He went the whole day without sleeping, so he conked out when I put him down. Cash sat on the couch watching Toy Story 3, waiting patiently for me to come out of Beckett's room. He had a snack that I owed him for finishing his dinner, and we walked in his bedroom. We said prayers, talked for a while, and I let him play a game on my phone. Then it was MY time, for the first time all day. I told him I would be out in the living room (he can see me from the foot of his bed) and to go to sleep. This is all normal, bedtime routine. The only difference is, Colt isn't coming home tonight (Saturday night). He is playing a wedding in Marco Island and is meeting us at church tomorrow morning. Cash looks forward to cuddling, and watching funny YouTube videos with Colt everynight. He laid at the foot of his bed asking for Daddy. After 20 minutes or so, the asking, turned into crying...then begging for me to call him. I thought a phone call might help calm him down. He talked to Colt for a few minutes, and it seemed to be getting worse and worse. "I want you to come home. You've been working a long day. I want you to stop working." ALL things a Daddy wants to hear while he's out of town and unable to do anything about it. I wouldn't have subjected Colt to such a guilt trip if I had known that's what Cash was going to say. He usually just says he misses him and asks Colt to come in and check on him when he gets home. Anyway, after that phone call, there was nothing I could do to calm him down. He is learning to try and calm himself down, and lull himself to sleep without the pacifier. There is nothing I can do to help him with that. He laid there crying, and then I, swimming in all of my pregnancy hormones started crying too. He said, "Why are you crying?" I said, "I'm crying because you're sad. I don't want you to be sad." He said, "I won't make you sad again, I promise." I said, "I love you so so much," as I showered him with kisses. He said, "I love you so much too." It was a pretty pitiful sight. After we both calmed down some, he started giggling about this or that. He fell asleep about 20 minutes later, head in my neck and arm crossed through mine. Not a bad resolution for me. I love any and every excuse to cuddle and the smell his skin and hair so close to me. Although both my boys really love to cuddle at bedtime.
Its such a small scale compared to some of the things he's likely to face in life but its so sad to witness your child be so desperate for something, or so distraught in facing a new challenge, yet you know he has to figure it out for himself. Sometimes the only thing you can offer is a little extra cuddle time, a showering of kisses, and excessive "I love yous". That seemed to do the trick for this evening. It may not always be that easy, so I'll take it for tonight.
Friday, November 22, 2013
It's a GIRL!
Well, at this point this post will be "old news" but that's because I have been busy floating around in a dream-like state for the last week. IT'S-A-GIRL! Those are words I thought I may never say. It all started last Tuesday.
Tuesday morning I woke up feeling nauseated. This isn't unusual for me during this pregnancy, in fact its usual. I took my trusty Zofran which now sits on my nightstand, beside my video baby monitor spying in on Beckett while he sleeps. Usually, now that I'm in the second trimester and hopefully past the worst part of the nausea and all-day sickness, one Zofran works for most of the day. Occasionally I take two or three per day, but one is usually enough to cut it for a while. I took one...then two. Still felt sick. Sometimes I have to remind myself that when I'm anxious or nervous about something, my body's first, natural reaction is almost debilitating nausea. Its AWFUL. I sucked it up, and tried to remember that there was nothing to be nervous about. My gender ultrasound appointment was going to be that evening at 6pm. I had been counting down the days for this appointment. Literally. I kept a running tally of how many days I had left to wait in the excruciating agony of not being able to buy gender related baby items, either way. Tuesday had arrived and I was WAY more anxious than I thought I'd be.
To be honest, I'm not sure what we did that day. The morning and afternoon activities were kind of a blur. I think we may have run some errands and stayed close to home. We had to be back at the house by 3 to get the boys in bed for their nap time. My mom was going to be over around 4:15 to stay with the boys so we could leave early. We were tucking the boys in bed, and I was telling Cash that when we got home that night, we would show him some pictures and a video of the baby, and we could tell him whether he was going to have another brother or a sister. He said, "I'm going to have a sister." If I told you all of the little "psychic" things he's done since he was little I would have to make a whole other post. He's weird like that. I'm weird like that and a few people in my family are weird like that. He has said since I first found out I was pregnant that it was going to be a girl. I kissed him goodbye, and got ready to go.
Colt is good at calming me down. On our way down to the ultrasound place, we listening to our favorite radio show, talked, laughed and made our official "guesses" on the record. We both thought it was going to be a girl. On our drive, I kept noticing little things, like a PSYCHO. There was a tree that had bloomed with big pink flowers even though everything else around it was almost dead. A few miles later, a big oleander bush with pink blossoms. I know that it was purely coincidence, and I was over analyzing everything, but that's where my mind was at. We got down to Pinellas Park, where the place was located, about 30 minutes early, so we stopped at Starbucks for a drink. I figured it couldn't hurt for the baby to be awake and active during the scan. I wanted him to start driving as soon as we got the drinks so we could be there on time, even though the place was about two blocks away and we still had 25 min to kill. I felt better being in the parking lot. :) It was a good thing we did because we missed the turn and ended up being just slightly early. We waited in the waiting room for our turn. On the front desk there was a keepsake display card for your ultrasound picture for sale. It said "IT'S A GIRL" at the top and had a picture of the "girl parts" inside the frame. I told Colt, "If we see that, its a girl." We both chuckled nervously even though it wasn't really funny. We had never seen a girl ultrasound before. Then they called us back.
We walked into the dark room and I laid down on the table. As soon as the scan started, she was bouncing off the walls in there. The tech kept laughing at how active she was. I think the Starbucks Refresher I had beforehand must have helped spur her activity. As soon as her little bottom came up on screen, I noticed that it looked very different from the boys' ultrasound pictures. There was a little lump in between the legs, but nothing like the boys. My first thought was "ITS A GIRL," until we got another shot that looked a little bit different, and then I thought, "This poor boy...I can never show him his ultrasound pictures because he'll compare it to his brothers." Haha! I asked the tech, "Its a boy, right? Does it look like a boy to you?" She said she wouldn't say anything until she was completely sure. I thought to myself, "Ok...so you're going to wait ten more minutes and THEN tell me its a boy." She kept scanning between the legs and I noticed that when she would get a shot under the rear end, between the legs, there was nothing there. With the boys, that shot was the clearest of all that they were boys. She said that at this stage in pregnancy, the girl parts can appear swollen, causing it to look like there is a bump between the legs, but it could also be a penis, or the umbilical cord, so she needed to do some further investigation. She kept looking at the shot from under the rear end. From every angle under there, it looked like a girl. Finally after about 10 minutes, she said she thought she was 100 % sure, but she was going to make sure her associate agreed with her. They have a little paper or card of some sort next to the machine that they can see, but I can't. I'm assuming it says BOY/GIRL on it so they can point to it, and communicate with each other, coming to an agreement on the gender before actually announcing it to the parents. The other lady came in, she scanned me for about 5 minutes and got a very clear shot from under the rear end. There was no bump. For some reason it didn't completely connect with me what she was going to say. I remember thinking that it looked like a girl to me, but I couldn't discount that small bump we had seen earlier. I think I was about 60/40 thinking it was a girl. She paused the screen and put a small arrow pointing in between the legs where there were three little lines. She asked the other tech, "Is this what you were thinking," and pointed to the little card beside the machine. The other tech said, "Yep!" She said, "Yeah it doesn't get much clearer than that." Colt had both of our mothers (and the rest of my family), who were together, on the phone waiting with baited breath. The technician typed "BG". For the millisecond that it was up on the screen, I thought to myself, "What does that mean?" Then "IT'S A GIRL" popped up on the screen. I could hardly believe it even thought "it" was literally starring me in the face.
My mother-in-law, Sharon, and my sister Emilee got some really good video footage of the moment. Colt said, "OOOOOHHHHHHHH, its a girl!" He was just as shocked as I was. He handed me the phone, and I had teary eyes telling them how excited I was. If I didn't have that video I would have no idea what I was actually saying at that time, but I kept repeating, "This is so cool......This is SO cool." Both Colt and I were crying. The whole time that we were thinking it was a boy, even when I thought the technician was thinking it was a boy, she knew it was a girl. In all the shots with the "bump" we were actually looking at her swollen little girl parts, and the technician was double, triple, and quadruple checking to make sure she saw the three lines in detail of her lady business.
We left with a DVD of the whole ultrasound set to some sweet music that will completely make you cry in itself, and a CD of all the images. We got to share both with our family when we got home. Before we headed home, we made it a mini-date night by going to eat at Mitchell's Fish Market.
Now, over a week later it is just settling in that we're going to have a daughter. Her name will be Bellamy June Clark. I have been busy collecting things for her room, and buying all things girl related that she'll need. I'm excited to use some of her brother's things with her too though. I think the boys will get a kick out of seeing her in a Captain America T-Shirt, and some DC shoes. :)
I'm 17 weeks tomorrow and starting to feel her move on a regular basis. I was laying on my side yesterday, and when I rolled back over, I saw a little lump on the side of my belly. When I touched it, she kicked really hard. I love this stage. I had my 16 week doctor appointment earlier this week, and they did another ultrasound to make sure everything looked good, since I hadn't had a diagnostic, measuring ultrasound yet. They confirmed she was a girl, and said she's measuring perfectly!
Well that's it for now I suppose. I'm waiting for the first coat of metallic paint to dry on the mirror I bought from Goodwill for her room. I think its time for a second coat! See ya!
Tuesday morning I woke up feeling nauseated. This isn't unusual for me during this pregnancy, in fact its usual. I took my trusty Zofran which now sits on my nightstand, beside my video baby monitor spying in on Beckett while he sleeps. Usually, now that I'm in the second trimester and hopefully past the worst part of the nausea and all-day sickness, one Zofran works for most of the day. Occasionally I take two or three per day, but one is usually enough to cut it for a while. I took one...then two. Still felt sick. Sometimes I have to remind myself that when I'm anxious or nervous about something, my body's first, natural reaction is almost debilitating nausea. Its AWFUL. I sucked it up, and tried to remember that there was nothing to be nervous about. My gender ultrasound appointment was going to be that evening at 6pm. I had been counting down the days for this appointment. Literally. I kept a running tally of how many days I had left to wait in the excruciating agony of not being able to buy gender related baby items, either way. Tuesday had arrived and I was WAY more anxious than I thought I'd be.
To be honest, I'm not sure what we did that day. The morning and afternoon activities were kind of a blur. I think we may have run some errands and stayed close to home. We had to be back at the house by 3 to get the boys in bed for their nap time. My mom was going to be over around 4:15 to stay with the boys so we could leave early. We were tucking the boys in bed, and I was telling Cash that when we got home that night, we would show him some pictures and a video of the baby, and we could tell him whether he was going to have another brother or a sister. He said, "I'm going to have a sister." If I told you all of the little "psychic" things he's done since he was little I would have to make a whole other post. He's weird like that. I'm weird like that and a few people in my family are weird like that. He has said since I first found out I was pregnant that it was going to be a girl. I kissed him goodbye, and got ready to go.
Colt is good at calming me down. On our way down to the ultrasound place, we listening to our favorite radio show, talked, laughed and made our official "guesses" on the record. We both thought it was going to be a girl. On our drive, I kept noticing little things, like a PSYCHO. There was a tree that had bloomed with big pink flowers even though everything else around it was almost dead. A few miles later, a big oleander bush with pink blossoms. I know that it was purely coincidence, and I was over analyzing everything, but that's where my mind was at. We got down to Pinellas Park, where the place was located, about 30 minutes early, so we stopped at Starbucks for a drink. I figured it couldn't hurt for the baby to be awake and active during the scan. I wanted him to start driving as soon as we got the drinks so we could be there on time, even though the place was about two blocks away and we still had 25 min to kill. I felt better being in the parking lot. :) It was a good thing we did because we missed the turn and ended up being just slightly early. We waited in the waiting room for our turn. On the front desk there was a keepsake display card for your ultrasound picture for sale. It said "IT'S A GIRL" at the top and had a picture of the "girl parts" inside the frame. I told Colt, "If we see that, its a girl." We both chuckled nervously even though it wasn't really funny. We had never seen a girl ultrasound before. Then they called us back.
We walked into the dark room and I laid down on the table. As soon as the scan started, she was bouncing off the walls in there. The tech kept laughing at how active she was. I think the Starbucks Refresher I had beforehand must have helped spur her activity. As soon as her little bottom came up on screen, I noticed that it looked very different from the boys' ultrasound pictures. There was a little lump in between the legs, but nothing like the boys. My first thought was "ITS A GIRL," until we got another shot that looked a little bit different, and then I thought, "This poor boy...I can never show him his ultrasound pictures because he'll compare it to his brothers." Haha! I asked the tech, "Its a boy, right? Does it look like a boy to you?" She said she wouldn't say anything until she was completely sure. I thought to myself, "Ok...so you're going to wait ten more minutes and THEN tell me its a boy." She kept scanning between the legs and I noticed that when she would get a shot under the rear end, between the legs, there was nothing there. With the boys, that shot was the clearest of all that they were boys. She said that at this stage in pregnancy, the girl parts can appear swollen, causing it to look like there is a bump between the legs, but it could also be a penis, or the umbilical cord, so she needed to do some further investigation. She kept looking at the shot from under the rear end. From every angle under there, it looked like a girl. Finally after about 10 minutes, she said she thought she was 100 % sure, but she was going to make sure her associate agreed with her. They have a little paper or card of some sort next to the machine that they can see, but I can't. I'm assuming it says BOY/GIRL on it so they can point to it, and communicate with each other, coming to an agreement on the gender before actually announcing it to the parents. The other lady came in, she scanned me for about 5 minutes and got a very clear shot from under the rear end. There was no bump. For some reason it didn't completely connect with me what she was going to say. I remember thinking that it looked like a girl to me, but I couldn't discount that small bump we had seen earlier. I think I was about 60/40 thinking it was a girl. She paused the screen and put a small arrow pointing in between the legs where there were three little lines. She asked the other tech, "Is this what you were thinking," and pointed to the little card beside the machine. The other tech said, "Yep!" She said, "Yeah it doesn't get much clearer than that." Colt had both of our mothers (and the rest of my family), who were together, on the phone waiting with baited breath. The technician typed "BG". For the millisecond that it was up on the screen, I thought to myself, "What does that mean?" Then "IT'S A GIRL" popped up on the screen. I could hardly believe it even thought "it" was literally starring me in the face.
My mother-in-law, Sharon, and my sister Emilee got some really good video footage of the moment. Colt said, "OOOOOHHHHHHHH, its a girl!" He was just as shocked as I was. He handed me the phone, and I had teary eyes telling them how excited I was. If I didn't have that video I would have no idea what I was actually saying at that time, but I kept repeating, "This is so cool......This is SO cool." Both Colt and I were crying. The whole time that we were thinking it was a boy, even when I thought the technician was thinking it was a boy, she knew it was a girl. In all the shots with the "bump" we were actually looking at her swollen little girl parts, and the technician was double, triple, and quadruple checking to make sure she saw the three lines in detail of her lady business.
We left with a DVD of the whole ultrasound set to some sweet music that will completely make you cry in itself, and a CD of all the images. We got to share both with our family when we got home. Before we headed home, we made it a mini-date night by going to eat at Mitchell's Fish Market.
Now, over a week later it is just settling in that we're going to have a daughter. Her name will be Bellamy June Clark. I have been busy collecting things for her room, and buying all things girl related that she'll need. I'm excited to use some of her brother's things with her too though. I think the boys will get a kick out of seeing her in a Captain America T-Shirt, and some DC shoes. :)
I'm 17 weeks tomorrow and starting to feel her move on a regular basis. I was laying on my side yesterday, and when I rolled back over, I saw a little lump on the side of my belly. When I touched it, she kicked really hard. I love this stage. I had my 16 week doctor appointment earlier this week, and they did another ultrasound to make sure everything looked good, since I hadn't had a diagnostic, measuring ultrasound yet. They confirmed she was a girl, and said she's measuring perfectly!
Well that's it for now I suppose. I'm waiting for the first coat of metallic paint to dry on the mirror I bought from Goodwill for her room. I think its time for a second coat! See ya!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
"These Dreams"
So now we're at 14 weeks! Actually, 14 weeks, 4 days.
Last week, on October 29th to be exact (because I'm a date/number freak), I felt this little miss/mister move for the first time. I had thought I may have felt him or her move a few times before that, but I wanted to make sure before I "called it". We were driving under the on ramp to 75, in New Tampa heading to the new Cappy's for dinner. It had been such a nice day. The four of us went to Busch Gardens during the day, came home and took a long nap, woke up, went to Cappy's for dinner and went to Twistee Treat for ice cream afterwards. The boys were both in really good moods, and we laughed and joked with each other at Twistee Treat, "cheers-ing" our ice cream, and singing songs. Feeling the fifth Clark kick me from inside my belly was the icing on the cake.
I still don't feel him or her super frequently, so its always exciting when I do. It seems to be really responsive to caffeine. I hate calling him or her, "it". Gross. I listened to the heartbeat again tonight, and it was around 157bpm. It has stayed pretty steady at that point.
I have had several more dreams about having a girl since my last post about my crazy, pregnancy slumberland escapades. Last night for instance, I had been going through my "Pregnant #3" photo album on my computer. I am one of those psychos that takes pictures of all the positive pregnancy tests that I get. When we had been trying to get pregnant I was ordering cheap dip strip pregnancy tests off the internet in bulk. I think it was $15 for 15 tests or something like that. Not a bad deal! Once we got a positive one, I had so many left, that I would still take one every morning just to watch the line get darker. Psychotic? Maybe. Fun? YES! Anyway, back to the dream. Before I went to bed, I was going through the photos I have taken of all things related to this pregnancy. A couple of the pictures were of the pregnancy tests with the increasingly darkening lines. In my dream that night, I was taking pregnancy tests from Clearblue that not only told you if you were pregnant, but how far along, and what the gender was. If it was a boy, the test would turn blue and if it was a girl, well, obviously. In this dream, I had taken five tests. All "PREGNANT", all pink! I don't want to read too much into any of this. In the previous pregnancies, I always said that once I had "the dream" hinting at the gender of the baby, I would think that's what I was having until I was told differently. Both times, I dreamed that they were boys, and both times I was right. That being said, this time may be different. I find myself wondering about the gender of this baby far more than with the others. Not necessarily because I would be disappointed one way or the other, but because of the unknown. I know what it is to be the mother of boys. I haven't a clue what its like raising a daughter. I don't know if the dynamic is different, or if she'll bond with me like my boys have. After talking to my friends with all same gender children, they all share the same feelings. You just don't know until you get there. All of this deep thought concerning boy or girl, could be contributing to my weird dreams. Believe me, I have been using every psychological tool in my tool belt, from that BA in Psychology that is sitting on the shelf, to analyze these dreams. ------ Great now I have lost my train of thought and am singing the lyrics to "These Dreams" by Heart in my head. But I digress.
We find out for sure next Tuesday, November 12th at 6pm. Hopefully he/she will cooperate and uncross his or her legs for us!
Talk to you soon!!!
Last week, on October 29th to be exact (because I'm a date/number freak), I felt this little miss/mister move for the first time. I had thought I may have felt him or her move a few times before that, but I wanted to make sure before I "called it". We were driving under the on ramp to 75, in New Tampa heading to the new Cappy's for dinner. It had been such a nice day. The four of us went to Busch Gardens during the day, came home and took a long nap, woke up, went to Cappy's for dinner and went to Twistee Treat for ice cream afterwards. The boys were both in really good moods, and we laughed and joked with each other at Twistee Treat, "cheers-ing" our ice cream, and singing songs. Feeling the fifth Clark kick me from inside my belly was the icing on the cake.
I still don't feel him or her super frequently, so its always exciting when I do. It seems to be really responsive to caffeine. I hate calling him or her, "it". Gross. I listened to the heartbeat again tonight, and it was around 157bpm. It has stayed pretty steady at that point.
I have had several more dreams about having a girl since my last post about my crazy, pregnancy slumberland escapades. Last night for instance, I had been going through my "Pregnant #3" photo album on my computer. I am one of those psychos that takes pictures of all the positive pregnancy tests that I get. When we had been trying to get pregnant I was ordering cheap dip strip pregnancy tests off the internet in bulk. I think it was $15 for 15 tests or something like that. Not a bad deal! Once we got a positive one, I had so many left, that I would still take one every morning just to watch the line get darker. Psychotic? Maybe. Fun? YES! Anyway, back to the dream. Before I went to bed, I was going through the photos I have taken of all things related to this pregnancy. A couple of the pictures were of the pregnancy tests with the increasingly darkening lines. In my dream that night, I was taking pregnancy tests from Clearblue that not only told you if you were pregnant, but how far along, and what the gender was. If it was a boy, the test would turn blue and if it was a girl, well, obviously. In this dream, I had taken five tests. All "PREGNANT", all pink! I don't want to read too much into any of this. In the previous pregnancies, I always said that once I had "the dream" hinting at the gender of the baby, I would think that's what I was having until I was told differently. Both times, I dreamed that they were boys, and both times I was right. That being said, this time may be different. I find myself wondering about the gender of this baby far more than with the others. Not necessarily because I would be disappointed one way or the other, but because of the unknown. I know what it is to be the mother of boys. I haven't a clue what its like raising a daughter. I don't know if the dynamic is different, or if she'll bond with me like my boys have. After talking to my friends with all same gender children, they all share the same feelings. You just don't know until you get there. All of this deep thought concerning boy or girl, could be contributing to my weird dreams. Believe me, I have been using every psychological tool in my tool belt, from that BA in Psychology that is sitting on the shelf, to analyze these dreams. ------ Great now I have lost my train of thought and am singing the lyrics to "These Dreams" by Heart in my head. But I digress.
We find out for sure next Tuesday, November 12th at 6pm. Hopefully he/she will cooperate and uncross his or her legs for us!
Talk to you soon!!!
14 weeks
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
The Grand Reveal
Well we went public! So glad that I don't have to watch what I say anymore. I never really care who knows, but I'm always worried that someone will find out from someone else I told and be upset that I didn't tell them first. We had planned on a cuter annoucement including pictures of the boys, but I came down with a bad cold this week and didn't feel like taking the pictures, editing them etc. I'll post a picture of the "announcement" that we posted on Facebook below.
I was thinking today about some of the symptoms I've had during this pregnancy that seem to be different than my other two. Also, things that are are the same as my other pregnancies, but I had forgotten about. I seem to be very sensitive to smells during this pregnancy, and I don't remember that with either of the boys. With some scents, even lotions and things that I bought for myself before I got pregnant (scents I like), I can't stand now. I bought a fetal monitor when I was pregnant with Beckett, and I have enjoyed using it to hear the baby's heartbeat with this pregnancy too BUT I always feel a little bit queasy afterwards because I have to use lotion on my belly so the monitor moves smoothly. The lotion almost always makes me a little sick, even when I try different lotions. Sometimes I enjoy a scent for a few minutes, but soon, it will make me sick too unfortunatly. I have also developed a little rash on my shoulders, top of my arms, chest and back. It feels like little bumps. I had it when I was pregnant with Cash too, and it lasted until I delivered. I seem to be having less heartburn with this pregnancy then I did with my other two, so that's nice!
I have probably already covered these things in my previous posts, but I can't remember and I'm too lazy to go check. PREGNANCY BRAIN! Never had it with the other two, and I have it A LOT with this baby.
Thanks for checking in!
Here is the announcement!
I was thinking today about some of the symptoms I've had during this pregnancy that seem to be different than my other two. Also, things that are are the same as my other pregnancies, but I had forgotten about. I seem to be very sensitive to smells during this pregnancy, and I don't remember that with either of the boys. With some scents, even lotions and things that I bought for myself before I got pregnant (scents I like), I can't stand now. I bought a fetal monitor when I was pregnant with Beckett, and I have enjoyed using it to hear the baby's heartbeat with this pregnancy too BUT I always feel a little bit queasy afterwards because I have to use lotion on my belly so the monitor moves smoothly. The lotion almost always makes me a little sick, even when I try different lotions. Sometimes I enjoy a scent for a few minutes, but soon, it will make me sick too unfortunatly. I have also developed a little rash on my shoulders, top of my arms, chest and back. It feels like little bumps. I had it when I was pregnant with Cash too, and it lasted until I delivered. I seem to be having less heartburn with this pregnancy then I did with my other two, so that's nice!
I have probably already covered these things in my previous posts, but I can't remember and I'm too lazy to go check. PREGNANCY BRAIN! Never had it with the other two, and I have it A LOT with this baby.
Thanks for checking in!
Here is the announcement!
Bedtime Boys
I thought I would take a break from the pregnancy posts to talk about our nightly bedtime routine with the boys.
Usually dinner preceedes clean up time, including cleaning the kitchen, wiping off the table and vaccumming. Next comes gathering pajamas, and preparing a little station with diapers laying on top of pajamas on the changing table so I can dress them quickly after bathtime. The bath water is running at this point. Next I wrangle the boys, usually having to stop them from taking out toys that I just finished putting away. I make sure a new episode of Team Umizoomi is either on TV and paused for their "after bathtime calm down" or one is queued up OnDemand for them. Both boys get undressed, and I sing a little song I made up called "booty boy" as they dance in a circle around the living room. Immediatly following the song, they run to the bath. After bathing them, we get them dressed, and let them lay next to each other on the couch to watch the Team Umizoomi I "prepared" for them. As soon as the end credits roll, Beckett jumps up and says, "Oooook!!!! Lets go!" He loves his time alone with either Colt or me.
I have never really had a hard time getting Beckett to go to sleep. We recently moved a chair that didn't fit in our living room anymore, into his room as a "storage" of sorts until we sell it or move it elsewhere. That has become the chair that we talk in everynight. I turn off the lights except the light on his sound machine that gives off a blue glow and his table lamp which dimly lights the room. I say a prayer, and then he says his prayer which usually consists of praying for family members and a big, "AMEN!" Then he says, "Let's talk." The subject matter can change on any given night, but he usually likes to talk about Burt and Ernie, the Smurfs, or the Chipmunks. The whole time, I kiss his little face, or rub his hands or arms and give him "the shivers" as I called it when I was a little girl. He used to fall asleep to me kissing his face when he was a little baby. The close proximity to his face would make him close his eyes, and then he'd realize that it felt good to close his eyes. We talk about whatever he chooses and I tell him a little story about the characters, and then he says, "I go get in bed." I kiss his little face a few more times as I lay him down in his bed. I always tell him he is my "heart and soul boy", and he says, "Love you sign (sign language for I Love You), CHECK (thumbs up), live long and prosper (from Star Trek) and hang loose!" Then I quietly close the door and walk out. I usually don't hear from him again for another 13 hours! I LOVE this time that I get to spend with him. Cash had me all to himself for 19 months, but Beckett has never had that. I love that he looks forward to that time everynight.
After putting Beckett down, I come out and depending on where he is in the Umizoomi episode, he can either finish it, or we get in bed and save the rest for the next day. When we get in his bed, we say our prayers, mine first and then his. He always prays for his family, and recently he has been praying for Christmas, Santa, his toys, etc. I think he has Christmas presents on the brain! He always says, "thank you for Jesus who died on the cross to save our souls, in Jesus name and give thanks, AMEN!" He likes to word things like we do. Then HE says, "Let's talk." Again, the subject matter changes practically nightly. So far this week, we've talked about trucks, Christmas time, Santa, police officers, etc. He twirls my hair everytime he is sitting next to me, but particularly when he's tired, or I'm laying down with him. He twirls it so tight that almost everyday I have a chunk I have to pull out because its beyond repair. I love that he does it though. If my hair is in a pony tail, he says, "Can you take your hair down? I want to play with your hair." He likes for me to tell him stories, but its also a time that I can listen to all the things he's thinking about or wants to say. Cash loves to cuddle with me. He puts his arms around my neck and pulls me in so we're nose to nose. That's how he used to sleep with me when he was a baby. Tonight, I had just started to fall asleep and he brushed his hand over my face and said, "Mama, you're so beautiful." This woke me up, as I was so caught off guard. I thanked him and told him I loved him very much. He said, "I love YOU very much, Mama." We laid there a while longer and then I told him it was time for me to go out of his room. I said, "I love you so much baby boy. You're my heart." He said, "I'm your heart and soul boy?" :) This made me smile. I have always called both the boys that since they were born.
I wanted to write this post because I know that nights like these, where there is nothing particularly interesting going on, are going to be the ones I will miss the most. The simple act of rocking my son to sleep, or laying down with him until he's close to sleep. There are nights where I'm so tired, or try to rush it because I want some "me time" but then there are nights like tonight when I'm caught off guard by their sweetness.
I just love being their mother.
Now, my bedtime! I'll leave you with a conversation I had with Cash at bedtime a few nights ago...
Usually dinner preceedes clean up time, including cleaning the kitchen, wiping off the table and vaccumming. Next comes gathering pajamas, and preparing a little station with diapers laying on top of pajamas on the changing table so I can dress them quickly after bathtime. The bath water is running at this point. Next I wrangle the boys, usually having to stop them from taking out toys that I just finished putting away. I make sure a new episode of Team Umizoomi is either on TV and paused for their "after bathtime calm down" or one is queued up OnDemand for them. Both boys get undressed, and I sing a little song I made up called "booty boy" as they dance in a circle around the living room. Immediatly following the song, they run to the bath. After bathing them, we get them dressed, and let them lay next to each other on the couch to watch the Team Umizoomi I "prepared" for them. As soon as the end credits roll, Beckett jumps up and says, "Oooook!!!! Lets go!" He loves his time alone with either Colt or me.
I have never really had a hard time getting Beckett to go to sleep. We recently moved a chair that didn't fit in our living room anymore, into his room as a "storage" of sorts until we sell it or move it elsewhere. That has become the chair that we talk in everynight. I turn off the lights except the light on his sound machine that gives off a blue glow and his table lamp which dimly lights the room. I say a prayer, and then he says his prayer which usually consists of praying for family members and a big, "AMEN!" Then he says, "Let's talk." The subject matter can change on any given night, but he usually likes to talk about Burt and Ernie, the Smurfs, or the Chipmunks. The whole time, I kiss his little face, or rub his hands or arms and give him "the shivers" as I called it when I was a little girl. He used to fall asleep to me kissing his face when he was a little baby. The close proximity to his face would make him close his eyes, and then he'd realize that it felt good to close his eyes. We talk about whatever he chooses and I tell him a little story about the characters, and then he says, "I go get in bed." I kiss his little face a few more times as I lay him down in his bed. I always tell him he is my "heart and soul boy", and he says, "Love you sign (sign language for I Love You), CHECK (thumbs up), live long and prosper (from Star Trek) and hang loose!" Then I quietly close the door and walk out. I usually don't hear from him again for another 13 hours! I LOVE this time that I get to spend with him. Cash had me all to himself for 19 months, but Beckett has never had that. I love that he looks forward to that time everynight.
After putting Beckett down, I come out and depending on where he is in the Umizoomi episode, he can either finish it, or we get in bed and save the rest for the next day. When we get in his bed, we say our prayers, mine first and then his. He always prays for his family, and recently he has been praying for Christmas, Santa, his toys, etc. I think he has Christmas presents on the brain! He always says, "thank you for Jesus who died on the cross to save our souls, in Jesus name and give thanks, AMEN!" He likes to word things like we do. Then HE says, "Let's talk." Again, the subject matter changes practically nightly. So far this week, we've talked about trucks, Christmas time, Santa, police officers, etc. He twirls my hair everytime he is sitting next to me, but particularly when he's tired, or I'm laying down with him. He twirls it so tight that almost everyday I have a chunk I have to pull out because its beyond repair. I love that he does it though. If my hair is in a pony tail, he says, "Can you take your hair down? I want to play with your hair." He likes for me to tell him stories, but its also a time that I can listen to all the things he's thinking about or wants to say. Cash loves to cuddle with me. He puts his arms around my neck and pulls me in so we're nose to nose. That's how he used to sleep with me when he was a baby. Tonight, I had just started to fall asleep and he brushed his hand over my face and said, "Mama, you're so beautiful." This woke me up, as I was so caught off guard. I thanked him and told him I loved him very much. He said, "I love YOU very much, Mama." We laid there a while longer and then I told him it was time for me to go out of his room. I said, "I love you so much baby boy. You're my heart." He said, "I'm your heart and soul boy?" :) This made me smile. I have always called both the boys that since they were born.
I wanted to write this post because I know that nights like these, where there is nothing particularly interesting going on, are going to be the ones I will miss the most. The simple act of rocking my son to sleep, or laying down with him until he's close to sleep. There are nights where I'm so tired, or try to rush it because I want some "me time" but then there are nights like tonight when I'm caught off guard by their sweetness.
I just love being their mother.
Now, my bedtime! I'll leave you with a conversation I had with Cash at bedtime a few nights ago...
October 13, 2013
Cash: (turns over and throws his arm around my neck so we're nose to nose) "I wanna keep ya."
Me: I wanna keep you too. I love you so much. You're such a sweet boy.
Cash: ....Let's talk about girls.
Me: What girls?
...
Cash: Hermione and Ginny. (from Harry Potter)
Me: Oh, ok. Ginny is a very nice girl. She is very smart, and very brave and she plays Quidditch.
Cash: YES! Let's talk about Hermione.
Me: Hermione is very smart and very strong.
Cash: Does Hermione smooch Ron?
Me: What do you think?
Cash: Does she?
Me: Probably, because when people love each other, sometimes they smooch. Like me and Daddy.
Cash: (very seriously) Daddy doesn't love you, only I love you.
Me: Daddy loves me. Its nice when Mamas and Daddys love each other.
Cash: Only I love you. Daddy can't smooch you, only I can smooch you.
Me: What about Beckett?
Cash: Ok, him too.
Cash: (turns over and throws his arm around my neck so we're nose to nose) "I wanna keep ya."
Me: I wanna keep you too. I love you so much. You're such a sweet boy.
Cash: ....Let's talk about girls.
Me: What girls?
...
Cash: Hermione and Ginny. (from Harry Potter)
Me: Oh, ok. Ginny is a very nice girl. She is very smart, and very brave and she plays Quidditch.
Cash: YES! Let's talk about Hermione.
Me: Hermione is very smart and very strong.
Cash: Does Hermione smooch Ron?
Me: What do you think?
Cash: Does she?
Me: Probably, because when people love each other, sometimes they smooch. Like me and Daddy.
Cash: (very seriously) Daddy doesn't love you, only I love you.
Me: Daddy loves me. Its nice when Mamas and Daddys love each other.
Cash: Only I love you. Daddy can't smooch you, only I can smooch you.
Me: What about Beckett?
Cash: Ok, him too.
Negatives and POSITIVES
SO its been a few weeks since my last weekly update. I am now 11 1/2 weeks!
Nausea has been a problem in both of my other pregnancies during the first trimester and this one was no different. My weeks change on Saturday, and Beckett's 2nd birthday party (small family party) was on Saturday, September 14th. That was the first day I felt really sick. It was kind of funny, because I was beginning to think I was home free from the nausea this time, and then BAM!
With Cash, I was sick from 6 weeks until 12 weeks. I didn't take any medication with him because I didn't know much about it. I was throwing up anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day. It was AWFUL!
With Beckett, like this pregnancy, I didn't start getting sick until around 7, 7 1/2 weeks and I thought maybe I wouldn't be sick with him. Of course, the nausea came, and I was very sick until around 9 weeks. I took some medication to help me be able to eat, and keep down what I ate. If I remember correctly, I was only taking one, sometimes two pills a day (way under the maximum amount). That helped, but I was still very nauseated without it. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that it would go away because I couldn't handle the constant throwing up with a toddler running around. Thankfully around 9 weeks it subsided. I told myself that if the nausea went away, I wouldn't question why, but of course I was a little bit worried. At 10 weeks exactly I heard Beckett's sweet little heartbeat on a fetal monitor I bought.
This pregnancy has been difficult to compare to the others. Like I said, around 7 weeks I started getting really sick on a constant basis. I called my doctor as soon as I found out I was pregnant and told them I needed a prescription for Ondansetron, my nausea medicine. I started taking one pill in the morning. I quickly figured out that wasn't going to cut it. By 8 1/2 weeks I was taking almost the maximum amount allowed in the instructions on the bottle, although I found out later that I could have taken more. It helped significantly BUT I was still sick, and throwing up. The food aversions were pretty bad also. Almost nothing sounded good. Things that may have sounded good one day, would be something that made me gag the next day. Again, I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that it would go away and I could feel normal again. Around 9 1/2 weeks it started to subside. I am 11 1/2 weeks now, and I still feel nauseated sometimes, but its leaps and bounds better than constant nausea.
Everyone always says that after you give birth, every negative experience during that time is a distant, foggy memory afterwards because all you can remember is the happiness of holding your baby for the first time. I feel the same way about pregnancy. Of course, I remember the hard parts of each of my pregnancies, but sometimes its hard to remember the hard parts in terms of how hard they actually were. If I can remember correctly, I am experiencing some symptoms in this pregnancy that I didn't have a lot of in my others. I have been having headaches almost everyday that don't seem to want to go away. I have been having some stomach aches too, which I don't remember having with the other two. My skin has been pretty dry, and I am getting a little bit of a rash on my shoulders and chest. I got the same rash with Cash, and I had it throughout my entire pregnancy.
NOW for the postives! Haha! I just re-read this and realized that it sounds so whiny and negative. Yes, there have definitely been some rough patches, but don't think there is a day that goes by where I don't thank God for this baby multiple times. We talk about the baby all the time with the boys. They both refer to it as "her". I don't know why, because we never refer to a gender when we talk about the baby. I am definitly showing a lot faster this time. I started really showing with Cash around 16 weeks. With Beckett it was around 13-14. This time...11 weeks. I've heard that after your first pregnancy, your body just knows what to do, and how to move to accomodate the baby. Not to mention my uterus expanded to hold an almost 10 pound baby about 2 years ago, so I expected the early show this time. I know some of it is bloat, but I can definitely feel a little bump.
The MOST exciting thing that has happened today, is I finally found the baby's heartbeat with the fetal monitor this afternoon! Like I mentioned previously, we found Beckett's heartbeat at 10 weeks. I have been using the monitor almost daily for a few minutes at a time to see if we could find it. I started worrying that I wouldn't know that it was his/her heartbeat when I heard it, and confuse it with mine. Today, I laid on my bed, and put the monitor on my belly. Within the first few minutes, I found it! It was much faster than mine, and very strong. I'm going to try recording it later tonight! I just so happen to look at the clock the minute I found the heartbeat and it was at 5:01pm. THEREFORE my prediction is that this baby will be born on May 1st (two days before the due date). :) Its weird how hearing the heartbeat makes you look at the baby as a real part of the family. There are 5 of us now, even if we can't see him/her.
On a side note, we got Cash and Beckett's halloween costumes today! They are both going to be policemen. We let them pick out their own costumes and Cash was deciding between Harry Potter and a policeman. Beckett was deciding between the Hulk, Batman and Superman. He originally chose Batman, but had an absolute meltdown when he tried it on. We think he didn't like being constricted in the costume because it was a full body suit. After that he was in no mood to try on anything else, so we got two policeman costumes. He plays policeman all the time so I think it'll be a winner. We had a lovely day going to Acropolis for lunch and getting their costumes. I love having Colt home during the day with us!
I have my second OB appointment on Tuesday, and we'll get to hear the heartbeat on their fetal monitor! Exciting! Talk to you soon, and thanks for reading!!!
Nausea has been a problem in both of my other pregnancies during the first trimester and this one was no different. My weeks change on Saturday, and Beckett's 2nd birthday party (small family party) was on Saturday, September 14th. That was the first day I felt really sick. It was kind of funny, because I was beginning to think I was home free from the nausea this time, and then BAM!
With Cash, I was sick from 6 weeks until 12 weeks. I didn't take any medication with him because I didn't know much about it. I was throwing up anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day. It was AWFUL!
With Beckett, like this pregnancy, I didn't start getting sick until around 7, 7 1/2 weeks and I thought maybe I wouldn't be sick with him. Of course, the nausea came, and I was very sick until around 9 weeks. I took some medication to help me be able to eat, and keep down what I ate. If I remember correctly, I was only taking one, sometimes two pills a day (way under the maximum amount). That helped, but I was still very nauseated without it. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that it would go away because I couldn't handle the constant throwing up with a toddler running around. Thankfully around 9 weeks it subsided. I told myself that if the nausea went away, I wouldn't question why, but of course I was a little bit worried. At 10 weeks exactly I heard Beckett's sweet little heartbeat on a fetal monitor I bought.
This pregnancy has been difficult to compare to the others. Like I said, around 7 weeks I started getting really sick on a constant basis. I called my doctor as soon as I found out I was pregnant and told them I needed a prescription for Ondansetron, my nausea medicine. I started taking one pill in the morning. I quickly figured out that wasn't going to cut it. By 8 1/2 weeks I was taking almost the maximum amount allowed in the instructions on the bottle, although I found out later that I could have taken more. It helped significantly BUT I was still sick, and throwing up. The food aversions were pretty bad also. Almost nothing sounded good. Things that may have sounded good one day, would be something that made me gag the next day. Again, I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that it would go away and I could feel normal again. Around 9 1/2 weeks it started to subside. I am 11 1/2 weeks now, and I still feel nauseated sometimes, but its leaps and bounds better than constant nausea.
Everyone always says that after you give birth, every negative experience during that time is a distant, foggy memory afterwards because all you can remember is the happiness of holding your baby for the first time. I feel the same way about pregnancy. Of course, I remember the hard parts of each of my pregnancies, but sometimes its hard to remember the hard parts in terms of how hard they actually were. If I can remember correctly, I am experiencing some symptoms in this pregnancy that I didn't have a lot of in my others. I have been having headaches almost everyday that don't seem to want to go away. I have been having some stomach aches too, which I don't remember having with the other two. My skin has been pretty dry, and I am getting a little bit of a rash on my shoulders and chest. I got the same rash with Cash, and I had it throughout my entire pregnancy.
NOW for the postives! Haha! I just re-read this and realized that it sounds so whiny and negative. Yes, there have definitely been some rough patches, but don't think there is a day that goes by where I don't thank God for this baby multiple times. We talk about the baby all the time with the boys. They both refer to it as "her". I don't know why, because we never refer to a gender when we talk about the baby. I am definitly showing a lot faster this time. I started really showing with Cash around 16 weeks. With Beckett it was around 13-14. This time...11 weeks. I've heard that after your first pregnancy, your body just knows what to do, and how to move to accomodate the baby. Not to mention my uterus expanded to hold an almost 10 pound baby about 2 years ago, so I expected the early show this time. I know some of it is bloat, but I can definitely feel a little bump.
The MOST exciting thing that has happened today, is I finally found the baby's heartbeat with the fetal monitor this afternoon! Like I mentioned previously, we found Beckett's heartbeat at 10 weeks. I have been using the monitor almost daily for a few minutes at a time to see if we could find it. I started worrying that I wouldn't know that it was his/her heartbeat when I heard it, and confuse it with mine. Today, I laid on my bed, and put the monitor on my belly. Within the first few minutes, I found it! It was much faster than mine, and very strong. I'm going to try recording it later tonight! I just so happen to look at the clock the minute I found the heartbeat and it was at 5:01pm. THEREFORE my prediction is that this baby will be born on May 1st (two days before the due date). :) Its weird how hearing the heartbeat makes you look at the baby as a real part of the family. There are 5 of us now, even if we can't see him/her.
On a side note, we got Cash and Beckett's halloween costumes today! They are both going to be policemen. We let them pick out their own costumes and Cash was deciding between Harry Potter and a policeman. Beckett was deciding between the Hulk, Batman and Superman. He originally chose Batman, but had an absolute meltdown when he tried it on. We think he didn't like being constricted in the costume because it was a full body suit. After that he was in no mood to try on anything else, so we got two policeman costumes. He plays policeman all the time so I think it'll be a winner. We had a lovely day going to Acropolis for lunch and getting their costumes. I love having Colt home during the day with us!
I have my second OB appointment on Tuesday, and we'll get to hear the heartbeat on their fetal monitor! Exciting! Talk to you soon, and thanks for reading!!!
A cute, strawberry blonde-ish gal
In my other two pregnancies, I have had what I call a "gender prediction dream". I don't know whether its a woman's intuition or just one of those strange things that happen sometimes in life, but both times they have come to fruition.
When I was pregnant with Cash, I dreamed that I gave birth to a little boy, average size with brown hair. Cash was 7lbs. 8oz. (born at 38 weeks exactly) and had a moderate amount of brown hair covering his little head.
When I was pregnant with Beckett, I dreamed that I gave birth to another boy, but he was significantly bigger than Cash, and with much more hair. Beckett was 9lbs. 14.5oz (born at 39 wks, 4 days), and had the most hair I have ever seen on a baby.
Last night I had my first "gender prediction dream" of this pregnancy. Of course, I know not to put too much thought into it, but it will be fun to see if I'm right. Mind you, we were discussing names for this particular gender before going to bed. As I joked with my sister, "this may have influenced my thoughts before bed, and I need to wait for a completely uninfluenced, subconcious dream before I officially 'make the call'." :) According to my dream, its a girl! I dreamed that I had an easy delivery, and very easy recovery (was released from the hospital later that day in my dream). She had strawberry dark blondeish hair and a very sweet face. She looked a lot like I did when I was a baby! She was about Cash's size and may have been born a little bit earlier than her due date because I seemed surprised that she was coming so soon in my dream. We named her Claire and something that started with an A for a middle name although I can't remember what it was. Neither are names that we are considering. For some reason, in my dream, I remembered the name that Colt and I are considering as our "front runner" and we named her that.
It was a lovely dream, and I can't wait to see if it comes true! Of course, pink or blue we would be thrilled. There are many benefits to both. November 12th we'll find out for sure!
When I was pregnant with Cash, I dreamed that I gave birth to a little boy, average size with brown hair. Cash was 7lbs. 8oz. (born at 38 weeks exactly) and had a moderate amount of brown hair covering his little head.
When I was pregnant with Beckett, I dreamed that I gave birth to another boy, but he was significantly bigger than Cash, and with much more hair. Beckett was 9lbs. 14.5oz (born at 39 wks, 4 days), and had the most hair I have ever seen on a baby.
Last night I had my first "gender prediction dream" of this pregnancy. Of course, I know not to put too much thought into it, but it will be fun to see if I'm right. Mind you, we were discussing names for this particular gender before going to bed. As I joked with my sister, "this may have influenced my thoughts before bed, and I need to wait for a completely uninfluenced, subconcious dream before I officially 'make the call'." :) According to my dream, its a girl! I dreamed that I had an easy delivery, and very easy recovery (was released from the hospital later that day in my dream). She had strawberry dark blondeish hair and a very sweet face. She looked a lot like I did when I was a baby! She was about Cash's size and may have been born a little bit earlier than her due date because I seemed surprised that she was coming so soon in my dream. We named her Claire and something that started with an A for a middle name although I can't remember what it was. Neither are names that we are considering. For some reason, in my dream, I remembered the name that Colt and I are considering as our "front runner" and we named her that.
It was a lovely dream, and I can't wait to see if it comes true! Of course, pink or blue we would be thrilled. There are many benefits to both. November 12th we'll find out for sure!
Party of 5!
Well I suppose its time for an update! Our family of 4 is about to be a party of 5! I'M PREGNANT! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
On August 22nd, a Thursday night, I took a pregnancy test at 10 days past ovulation and laid it on my bathroom counter. I had a few things to do around the house, and two hours later I realized I had completely forgotten about it. I went back in the bathroom and looked at the test. I thought I saw a very faint second line, but you aren't supposed to even look at a test after 10 minutes because the results can be wrong because it has sat out for too long. I disgarded it thinking it was negative.
When I woke up the next morning, I was nervous to take another test because I REALLY wanted it to be positive, but I was worried that it wouldn't be and it would be a huge let down. I walked to the bathroom, took the test and stared at it for the next minute or two. I thought I saw a second line forming but again, it was so faint I couldn't tell. I had one of those "Pregnant/Not Pregnant" tests in my bathroom. I figured that would take out the guess work. It was my "lucky test" and I promised myself that I wouldn't use it unless I was pretty sure it was positive. The test had a little hourglass that blinked on the digital screen. Blink, blink, blink, blink. I have taken these before, and the longer they blink the more likely it is that they are negative. Blink, blink, blink. I looked away for a second to see if the line had become any darker on the cheap, internet purchased, dip strip test I used. It had. When I turned my head to look at the digital test, it had completed. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. The test was looking back at me, seemingly smiling. I cried. I prayed to God in thanks, and I tried to keep my cool and think of a cool way to tell Colt.
I had hoped to think of a really cute way to tell Colt I was pregnant this time, but every idea I found on the internet was just not my style. It was weird timing because he had to go to work all day. I had to decide whether I was going to wait until he got home, exhausted, or BEFORE his longest work day started to tell him. Cash had gotten into bed with us a few hours before, and woke up when I tried to get out of the bed to take the test. He was playing a game on my phone when I walked out of the bathroom with the positive test. I tapped him and whispered, "Tell Daddy that Mama has a baby in her tummy." He tapped Colt and said, "Mama has a baby." Colt didn't hear him and rolled over. I told him to do it again. This time he slapped Colt on the back and said, "MAMA WANTS A BABY!" Not quite what I was going for, but Colt got the picture. He popped his head up and said, "YEAH?!" I said yes, and showed him the test. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This time, the road to baby was longer for us. We got pregnant with Cash the first month trying, and with Beckett we had just began to think of trying, and we were pregnant! This time it took 9 months. I went to the doctor last month to ask if there were any red flags in my blood work or anything that could give us an answer as to why it wasn't happening for us. She said everything looked better than normal, and sometimes it just takes longer. Apparently, even someone in their early 20s (peak fertility age), with no medical problems only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. Who knew?!?
The fact that it took longer, only made me more ecstatic when we finally got the good news. It also made me thankful that everything happened in God's timing. Every time I prayed over the last 9 months concerning another child, I always asked that His will be done because He knows what is best for me and my family. I know that having 3 children is going to be different and probably considerably harder than having 2. Maybe if I had become pregnant that first month, it would have been too much for me to handle. It was kind of ironic, that this was the first month that when I prayed I said to God, "Your will be done because You know better than I do....but I feel like I can handle it on my end with Your help." :) My dad joked and said, "God's will will always be done, but maybe He's open to suggestions." Haha! I like that.
So hear I am, 5 weeks and 4 days. So far, I just have the normal early pregnancy symtoms. No morning sickness yet, except for one bout on Sunday morning. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep, I feel nauseated, just like I did in my other two pregnancies. The only time I don't get enough sleep is on Sunday mornings. :) I have my nausea medication ready and waiting. My first doctor appointment is on September 23rd. I already scheduled my gender ultrasound at Pregnancy Treasures on November 12th. I.CAN'T.WAIT.
The boys are excited about having another sibling. I know they don't quite get it yet because I don't look any different. Cash always says its going to be a girl. Beckett thinks its a boy. :) We'll seeeeee!
Well I guess that's it for now! I will update more as the weeks progress. Thanks for reading!!!
On August 22nd, a Thursday night, I took a pregnancy test at 10 days past ovulation and laid it on my bathroom counter. I had a few things to do around the house, and two hours later I realized I had completely forgotten about it. I went back in the bathroom and looked at the test. I thought I saw a very faint second line, but you aren't supposed to even look at a test after 10 minutes because the results can be wrong because it has sat out for too long. I disgarded it thinking it was negative.
When I woke up the next morning, I was nervous to take another test because I REALLY wanted it to be positive, but I was worried that it wouldn't be and it would be a huge let down. I walked to the bathroom, took the test and stared at it for the next minute or two. I thought I saw a second line forming but again, it was so faint I couldn't tell. I had one of those "Pregnant/Not Pregnant" tests in my bathroom. I figured that would take out the guess work. It was my "lucky test" and I promised myself that I wouldn't use it unless I was pretty sure it was positive. The test had a little hourglass that blinked on the digital screen. Blink, blink, blink, blink. I have taken these before, and the longer they blink the more likely it is that they are negative. Blink, blink, blink. I looked away for a second to see if the line had become any darker on the cheap, internet purchased, dip strip test I used. It had. When I turned my head to look at the digital test, it had completed. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. The test was looking back at me, seemingly smiling. I cried. I prayed to God in thanks, and I tried to keep my cool and think of a cool way to tell Colt.
I had hoped to think of a really cute way to tell Colt I was pregnant this time, but every idea I found on the internet was just not my style. It was weird timing because he had to go to work all day. I had to decide whether I was going to wait until he got home, exhausted, or BEFORE his longest work day started to tell him. Cash had gotten into bed with us a few hours before, and woke up when I tried to get out of the bed to take the test. He was playing a game on my phone when I walked out of the bathroom with the positive test. I tapped him and whispered, "Tell Daddy that Mama has a baby in her tummy." He tapped Colt and said, "Mama has a baby." Colt didn't hear him and rolled over. I told him to do it again. This time he slapped Colt on the back and said, "MAMA WANTS A BABY!" Not quite what I was going for, but Colt got the picture. He popped his head up and said, "YEAH?!" I said yes, and showed him the test. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This time, the road to baby was longer for us. We got pregnant with Cash the first month trying, and with Beckett we had just began to think of trying, and we were pregnant! This time it took 9 months. I went to the doctor last month to ask if there were any red flags in my blood work or anything that could give us an answer as to why it wasn't happening for us. She said everything looked better than normal, and sometimes it just takes longer. Apparently, even someone in their early 20s (peak fertility age), with no medical problems only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. Who knew?!?
The fact that it took longer, only made me more ecstatic when we finally got the good news. It also made me thankful that everything happened in God's timing. Every time I prayed over the last 9 months concerning another child, I always asked that His will be done because He knows what is best for me and my family. I know that having 3 children is going to be different and probably considerably harder than having 2. Maybe if I had become pregnant that first month, it would have been too much for me to handle. It was kind of ironic, that this was the first month that when I prayed I said to God, "Your will be done because You know better than I do....but I feel like I can handle it on my end with Your help." :) My dad joked and said, "God's will will always be done, but maybe He's open to suggestions." Haha! I like that.
So hear I am, 5 weeks and 4 days. So far, I just have the normal early pregnancy symtoms. No morning sickness yet, except for one bout on Sunday morning. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep, I feel nauseated, just like I did in my other two pregnancies. The only time I don't get enough sleep is on Sunday mornings. :) I have my nausea medication ready and waiting. My first doctor appointment is on September 23rd. I already scheduled my gender ultrasound at Pregnancy Treasures on November 12th. I.CAN'T.WAIT.
The boys are excited about having another sibling. I know they don't quite get it yet because I don't look any different. Cash always says its going to be a girl. Beckett thinks its a boy. :) We'll seeeeee!
Well I guess that's it for now! I will update more as the weeks progress. Thanks for reading!!!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sue me
I just got done laying down with Cash for a few minutes. He has frequent nightmares and a little snuggling/playing with my hair always lulls him back to sleep. It doesn't seem like so long ago that I was a little girl, laying in my big girl bed, having nightmares just like his. I can remember being terrified to take naps because I was afraid the "bad dream man" would come. I'm sure my sister can remember hearing stories about the bad dream man when we shared bunk beds. I made her be quiet as I gave him a stern talking to in my mind, trying to persuade him not to send bad dreams. Sad when you think about it. Especially when I see Cash going through the same thing. I hate that he has bad dreams, but I LOVE being the nurturing comfort he calls for to lay with him a while.
Almost everytime I lay with or hold one of my boys as they sleep for any length of time, I begin to get teary. Whether I'm thinking of how much they've grown, or how much growing they have yet to do. I have been thinking more and more about Cash going to school in a few years, and am always very depressed at the thought. I become very anxious and sick to my stomach thinking about the separation. I can remember the first day of school as a kid, and how exciting the experience was to go to a new classroom, meet your teacher and classmates, find your desk and finally use the new school supplies that I was always so anxious to put to work. To this day a blank piece of college ruled paper entralls me. I can remember coming home from that first day thinking, "That was fun," and then the inevitable drop in your stomach when you realize..."I have to go back tomorrow...and the next day...and the next." Even as a child, I HATED not having my freedom. I think that's why I hate the thought of Cash going to school. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is scared? What if he gets there, likes it for a few minutes and wants to come home? What if he misses me? What if he's crying and no one will let him call me to come get him? I realize most of these worries are premature, as he just turned 3 and has a few more years before I really have to worry about these things. The problem is, time isn't slowing down. In fact, it feels like its speeding up. I look at the pictures covering Cash's bulletin board of when he was a little baby. When he just started crawling, and at his 1st birthday party when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Beckett. I look at Beckett and see him run across the front yard. I see him being more independent, and wanting to do things that Cash does. I see Cash pick up his plate after dinner, walk it to the trash can, clear it, and put it in the sink. I hear him ask me for a "big boy cup with no lid, please" instead of his sippy cup. I see Beckett wanting to run out the front door and race Cash to the tree in the front yard that they always insist on touching before we go to run errands. Time is flying, and I know it will only get faster.
It is not lost on me that these days are fleeting. I don't take any of it for granted. I was sitting here, in my bed last night thinking, "This is what I've waited for." Every hope and dream and ambition for the future that I had growing up has culminated into this moment right now. Wife. Mother. That's what I have always wanted. I know that's not popular to say this day in age, but its true. I also know that these days won't be around forever, and that one day my role as "mother" will be vastly different from what it is today. There will be a lot less daily need from me, and I'll take on the role of safety net, and advisor. And that's ok. But with every baby step into their independence, I have a strange blend of happiness and pride for their achievement, and sadness for just another thing that they don't need me for.
Its funny to me now when I watch a movie, with some underlying plot of a teenager needing to spread his or her wings. You almost always hear someone say, "Mom, you need to learn to let go a little bit." Now as a parent, I think to myself, "Pshh, what an IDIOT!" I'm sure I will hear that same line spoken to me by one of my children someday, and I'm sure I'll be thinking that same response in my head. Don't they remember the days when I changed their diapers, and cleaned up after them, and took them fun places, and worried about what they ate and how I consciously tried to make every moment they needed to be held and nurtured the most calming and "unscary" place they could ever imagine, and how I put a lot of thought into how I can shape them into decent, Christian young men. I don't think its possible to realize, until you have children, how much of their soul that your parents pour into you. I feel like everything I have, mind, body and soul is wrapped around my three (Colt, included) boys. Thankfully, Colt I can hold on to until one of us dies, but one day I'm going to have to let go of the other two. And tonight, that thought makes me a little teary eyed, and queasy. Sue me.
Almost everytime I lay with or hold one of my boys as they sleep for any length of time, I begin to get teary. Whether I'm thinking of how much they've grown, or how much growing they have yet to do. I have been thinking more and more about Cash going to school in a few years, and am always very depressed at the thought. I become very anxious and sick to my stomach thinking about the separation. I can remember the first day of school as a kid, and how exciting the experience was to go to a new classroom, meet your teacher and classmates, find your desk and finally use the new school supplies that I was always so anxious to put to work. To this day a blank piece of college ruled paper entralls me. I can remember coming home from that first day thinking, "That was fun," and then the inevitable drop in your stomach when you realize..."I have to go back tomorrow...and the next day...and the next." Even as a child, I HATED not having my freedom. I think that's why I hate the thought of Cash going to school. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is scared? What if he gets there, likes it for a few minutes and wants to come home? What if he misses me? What if he's crying and no one will let him call me to come get him? I realize most of these worries are premature, as he just turned 3 and has a few more years before I really have to worry about these things. The problem is, time isn't slowing down. In fact, it feels like its speeding up. I look at the pictures covering Cash's bulletin board of when he was a little baby. When he just started crawling, and at his 1st birthday party when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Beckett. I look at Beckett and see him run across the front yard. I see him being more independent, and wanting to do things that Cash does. I see Cash pick up his plate after dinner, walk it to the trash can, clear it, and put it in the sink. I hear him ask me for a "big boy cup with no lid, please" instead of his sippy cup. I see Beckett wanting to run out the front door and race Cash to the tree in the front yard that they always insist on touching before we go to run errands. Time is flying, and I know it will only get faster.
It is not lost on me that these days are fleeting. I don't take any of it for granted. I was sitting here, in my bed last night thinking, "This is what I've waited for." Every hope and dream and ambition for the future that I had growing up has culminated into this moment right now. Wife. Mother. That's what I have always wanted. I know that's not popular to say this day in age, but its true. I also know that these days won't be around forever, and that one day my role as "mother" will be vastly different from what it is today. There will be a lot less daily need from me, and I'll take on the role of safety net, and advisor. And that's ok. But with every baby step into their independence, I have a strange blend of happiness and pride for their achievement, and sadness for just another thing that they don't need me for.
Its funny to me now when I watch a movie, with some underlying plot of a teenager needing to spread his or her wings. You almost always hear someone say, "Mom, you need to learn to let go a little bit." Now as a parent, I think to myself, "Pshh, what an IDIOT!" I'm sure I will hear that same line spoken to me by one of my children someday, and I'm sure I'll be thinking that same response in my head. Don't they remember the days when I changed their diapers, and cleaned up after them, and took them fun places, and worried about what they ate and how I consciously tried to make every moment they needed to be held and nurtured the most calming and "unscary" place they could ever imagine, and how I put a lot of thought into how I can shape them into decent, Christian young men. I don't think its possible to realize, until you have children, how much of their soul that your parents pour into you. I feel like everything I have, mind, body and soul is wrapped around my three (Colt, included) boys. Thankfully, Colt I can hold on to until one of us dies, but one day I'm going to have to let go of the other two. And tonight, that thought makes me a little teary eyed, and queasy. Sue me.
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