My best days

Some days, even with all the stresses and the plans that fell through, and the chores that didn't get done, and the unproductive time that was wasted are still too good, that even the thought of life changing in the smallest measure makes you sick to your stomach in a weird way.

There are so many days that I look around my house and think about all the things that need to get done.  I wonder, besides sheer exhaustion some of the time, what prevents me from doing them? Maybe if my husband wasn't so fun to be around, even doing nothing with, I would want to do more chores.  Not a bad reason to have a messy house. That's love. That's lucky.

Sometimes even folding laundry, like I did tonight can make me choke up as I look at all the clothes that my boys have grown out of.  Some things which they may have only worn once or twice, and now are too small. 

Sometimes I feel like I pour my soul into these boys every minute of everyday, and that there would be no way I could muster even one more ounce of love for them out of my body.

I become increasingly obsessed with photographing or videotaping everyday events, so as not to forget Beckett's "angry face" or the way he looks at his brother when Cash is singing his heart out on top of the toy storage in the playroom, or Cash's sense of humor and toddler speech impediment. I don't want to forget anything. 

As does everything, life changes and my boys will not always be little. Colt and I will not always be young. I know we will go on to find new richness in life at different stages. Right now, I am so thankful for right now. These days are my best days yet.