Week 36: No clever title

Well I started this post a few days ago before all of the drama, so I figured I'd better start over. I may post the original update at a later time.

I will start from the beginning of all the "excitement". Thursday evening was a big night for us, as I'm sure it was for everyone. It was not only a full moon, but a blue moon! It marked the beginning of a new year and a new decade, but for Colt and I, it marked the end of the last year of our lives without children. We were really excited to spend it together, with my family and the Jardines. I had been keeping track of my blood pressure the last few days because I had a Nephrologist appointment next week, and the doctor always asks what my "scores" have been. On Tuesday (the 29th), and Wednesday (the 30th) my blood pressure had been a little bit higher than normal, and the same was true on Thursday morning. My doctor said to call if it went over 140/90, but it was still measuring under that, so I wasn't yet worried. Thursday evening we made our way over to Palm Harbor to spend New Year's Eve at the Jardine's house. I took some Tylenol on the way over, around 8:30pm because I've had a really bad head cold, and the beginning of a bad headache. We had a great evening talking and playing games. I had been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the night, although they weren't regular, or very strong. After midnight, my headache was really bad, so Colt and I left a few minutes after the ball dropped. On the way home, I asked him if we could stop by CVS to get a Coke, thinking it was a caffeine headache. While we were there, I decided to check my blood pressure again, just to make sure everything was ok. Apparently severe headaches can be a sign of high blood pressure. When I measured it in the store, I took it three times and it was between 135-141/86-92. I called my mom and asked her if she thought I needed to call the doctor. She said to get closer to home, and take my blood pressure again at the CVS near our house, and see what it says. We did this, and it was slightly higher, ranging between 141-144/90-97! I called my doctors office to seek further instruction. The nurse on call told me to go to the hospital to have myself checked out just for my own piece of mind, but to pack something in case we were admitted. Colt and I quickly packed our bags around 1am, and made our way to Labor & Delivery. Thankfully I had the baby's bags packed already. We spent the ride to the hospital, somewhat in disbelief, talking about how ironic it is that you can prepare all you want, but in the end, there is really no "preparing" for things like this. When we arrived, they asked me to fill out some paperwork, and escorted us down the hall to Triage. They asked me to change into a gown and to give a urine sample before they showed us to my bed. Our little curtained section of Triage was in the very back corner. Looking back, I guess it was nice because we got a window, although the blinds remained closed the entire time. They informed me that my urine sample came back pretty good, only showing that I had trace proteins (not a lot). They also hooked me up to a contraction monitor, a fetal heart rate monitor, and a blood pressure cuff. The cuff was set to take my blood pressure every 10 minutes. At this point, we were still kind of confused as to what all the fuss was about. We thought they were going to take my blood pressure a few times and we'd be out of there in 10 minutes. I hadn't expected to change into a gown, much less be hooked up to any machines. I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, which they said was normal at this point in my pregnancy, and that the baby's heart rate was perfect. My blood pressures were measuring about the same as they had been, but they didn't seem overly concerned. They took some blood to run some tests on my liver enzymes and a myriad of other things. When the results came back, it showed that my platelet count was at the low end of normal, but still ok (150-something in case you were wondering).

About an hour after we had been there they wheeled another patient in to the curtained section next to us. We never saw her face, but we heard her moaning. Colt and I looked at each other, with wide eyes, thinking she must've been having some pretty strong contractions. Because she was right next to us, we could hear almost everything she was saying to the doctor. She had felt her baby move around earlier that day when she was playing with her son, but the movement seemed kind of weird, and then she started having a tightening sensation. She explained she tended to be a worrier, and she didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. Her husband was a pilot, and in Oklahoma for the night, so her sister had accompanied her to the hospital. They attached a contraction monitor, and a fetal heart rate monitor to her as well. Sometimes it can take a few seconds to find the baby's heartbeat, either because he/she is squirming around in there, or you can't pinpoint the baby's position, but finding her baby's heart beat was taking entirely too long. After a few minutes, the woman started to panic. She was about a week farther along than me, and due January 13th. She called her husband to let him know what was going on, and we heard her tearfully explain, "They can't find the heartbeat, Michael...They can't find it!" Another 10 to 15 minutes passed by of the nurses and her sister trying to calm her down. She kept repeating that she didn't know anything could be wrong, she had felt her move earlier that day, but it was "weird movement". The doctor that I was waiting to talk to was also the doctor she was waiting to talk to. The nurses told her that when the doctor arrived they would give her an ultrasound to see what was going on. Colt and I sat there in silence, praying for her, and selfishly hoping they would take her out of the room to do the ultrasound, in case of the worst. The doctor finally arrived and they wheeled the ultrasound machine in the room. Although everyone expected it, we were not prepared to hear the words, "I'm so sorry." The woman was crying hysterically. "NO! NO! How could this be? I felt her move earlier! I thought she kicked! I didn't know anything was wrong!" Her sister tried to comfort her, but she couldn't be comforted. When she called her husband, she just kept repeating, "I'm so sorry, Michael. I'm so sorry." At this point, Colt and I had both lost it, but didn't want her to know we were crying. If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone else listening in on such a painful, and private moment, even though it was impossible not to hear since we were in such close proximity. Softly in the background, I could hear the beat of my baby's heart on the monitor, and was praying that she wouldn't be able to hear it, and mistake it for her baby. "I can't deliver a dead baby," she said. The response that her sister gave her is something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. "You'll do whatever you have to do." It wasn't her sister's intention to be cold or insensitive, but to remind her of her strength, and in turn, empower her through this tragedy. What an amazing gift. I think sometimes when these types of tragedies happen, people tend to offer their sympathy over and over again, which under the circumstances is more than appropriate, but in the end sympathy is not what's going to pull you through. At some point, you have to pick yourself up, realize your own strength, and that you are equipped to deal with this. I remember my mom telling me a story about a conversation she had with my great-grandmother, "Mammy", after my father passed away. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it was something along the lines of , " Terri, my husband died too, you have to move on. You have two little girls to take care of. You need to get over this." If you knew my great grandmother, or any of the women in my family in general, you would know that I come from a long line of strong women, and this was not something out of character for her to say. My mother, of course, was taken aback, but has recounted in later years how true it was. My mother was 26 years old, with a 2 year old, a 5 month old, a home, bills, responsibilities, and a dead husband. She didn't have any other options. This was the first thing I thought of when I heard the response the sister gave to the grieving woman next to us. Over the next few minutes, she would have moments of clarity when she could talk about the events preceding her hospital visit that night, and then break down mid-sentence. After a while they wheeled her out. Colt and I sat there in silence for a few minutes.

I had been on the phone with my mom when we heard the news that her baby had passed away, and I whispered that I'd have to call her back later, so after the woman left, I resumed my phone call with my mother. I updated her on my progress, although I didn't have much information at that point because the doctor I was waiting to see was still with the woman who had been next to me. We sat there for another hour waiting for the doctor. When she finally came in and pulled back the curtain, I was surprised to see that she was pregnant as well. It must have been very difficult for her personally, being pregnant and dealing with a mother who had just lost her baby. Needless to say, she wasn't very cheery when she walked into the room. She explained that my blood pressure was still elevated, but not dangerous at that point, and that my platelets were at the low end of normal, but again, not dangerous. She ordered a 24 urine test, and gave me the option to stay in the hospital over night and complete the test, or go home and do it. Obviously I opted to go home. I was instructed to go on "bedrest" and bring the urine test back on Saturday (the 2nd), and they would check my blood pressure again to make sure it was still ok. She also prescribed a potassium supplement to help remedy a deficiency I had, and to control my blood pressure. We finally got home around 7:00am on January 1st, 2010.

Colt and I slept for most of the day on Friday (the 1st). We finally woke up around 2:30pm, and
sat around the house, as I couldn't really go anywhere. In the evening, I was supposed to check my blood pressure again, so Colt and I went up to CVS. It was still elevated, but under 140/90, so we didn't call the doctor. We got some takeout, and went back to the house for the remainder of my day of "bedrest".

Colt had a wedding to play on Saturday afternoon/night so he wasn't able to accompany me to the hospital on Saturday afternoon. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "I'm so sorry, I wish I could be with you," throughout the day. It was the first time he was going to miss any kind of appointment I've had (Obstetrician or Nephrologist). He is the best husband. I knew this was a big gig, and if it were any other "normal" gig, he would cancel, but he couldn't cancel a wedding. I wasn't upset whatsoever, but he felt horrible. He was so worried that I was going to go into labor, or be admitted to the hospital, and he wouldn't be there. At one point in the day, I had set my laptop case up on the counter as a reminder to put it away, and he said, "What's that for? What are you doing with that?" I started laughing and said, "Do you think I'm trying to secretly pack my things so I can have the baby tonight when you're gone?" He left around 3ish, and my parents kindly offered to escort me to the hospital to turn in my test. I told them I was a "big girl" and could go by myself, as I was expecting this to be a quick appointment to turn in the test, have my blood pressure checked, and leave, but they insisted. Good parents! We got to the hospital around 3:30, and went straight up to Labor & Delivery. I filled out more paperwork, and gave them my test. I knew I would probably go back to Triage for them to test my blood pressure, but I wasn't expecting to have to change into a gown again! We ended up in the same curtained section that Colt and I had been in the night before. Again, they attached the monitors and blood pressure cuff. I had two awesome nurses who explained so much to me. They said they look for what are called "excels" in the baby's heart rate to happen at least 3 times an hour, and they consider that good. They were laughing and telling me that Cash must've been dancing in there, because he looked like he was having a great time! His heart rate was perfect. After the nurses left, I was telling my mom and dad about the old Twilight Zone episodes that Colt and I were watching the night before, and about a particularly scary episode. When I got to the climax of the story, the baby's heart rate started getting louder and faster. We all started laughing, because it seemed like he was so into the story! The nurses came back in and said my blood pressure had gone down slightly since the last time I was in, and that was good. They did more blood work and said they'd be back soon with the results. About an hour later, they came back in and said that my platelets had gone down since the other day, and were now at 139. This was still ok, but again, at the low end of normal. They told me they were going to call my doctor and see what she wanted me to do. We waited another hour or so, and the doctor called, and asked to speak with me. I have to say, I LOVE the doctor that I've been seeing. She is part of The Women's Group, which is, as the name implies, a group of women doctors. You are supposed to see each one so you are familiar with them all by the time you deliver, but for some reason, I've ended up seeing her more than anyone. Anyway, when I picked up the phone from my hospital bed, she said, "Well Aubree, you continue to baffle me!" Since I had protein my urine before I was pregnant, I couldn't be classified as having Pre-Eclampsia (especially with the small amounts of protein that were present), and because my blood pressure wasn't REALLY high, I couldn't be classified as having gestational hypertension. It seems that I have a symptom or two of everything, but nothing that would be considered "dangerous". She was somewhat worried about the drop in my platelets. My doctor has always been very conservative in that, some things that most doctors would bypass and not think twice about, she examines further to make sure there are no problems. She said my platelets weren't at a dangerous level at this point, but they did drop since the day before. She asked when my next doctor's office appointment was, and I told her Monday, with her. She put me on bedrest again for Sunday, and said she would do a sonogram on Monday to make sure the baby was still growing properly, and getting enough blood flow. She would also re-check my blood pressure, and do more blood work. If my platelets drop anymore by Monday, she would admit me to the hospital and keep me under observation until 37 weeks (Wednesday), and then induce me! So there you have it folks. If my platelets drop by tomorrow, we could be having this baby THIS WEEK! This is very exciting, but somewhat scary also. Although 37 weeks is full term, and they keep telling me he's a big baby, induction is scary. Labor in general is scary! You never know what can happen. When I get scared, after I pray, I remind myself of the words that I heard earlier this week, "You'll do whatever you have to do." Besides just the labor aspect of it, the thought of HAVING A BABY in our home this week is somewhat daunting! I know I'm prepared for his arrival, but I don't know how "ready" anyone can ever be for such an event. If you had asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said I was ready. I've always felt "ready" to have a baby, even when I was a little girl. I never thought that I'd be so unsure so close to his arrival. How will this change our lives? How will this change our marriage? What about our day to day routine? What about poor, Moe (our dog)? I can get advice all day and night about how these things will change, or how they have changed for other couples, but I don't think anyone can really understand these changes until they happen to them. I'm a big ball of excitement and nerves. I'm sure that's normal.

Today (Sunday), I spent the day in bed, and on the couch for the remainder of my bedrest. We got the rest of the clothes folded (NOT strenuous, so don't yell at me). Colt has taken such good care of me. "Do you need a drink? Do you need chapstick? Are you hungry?" He has been so sweet. He even offered to paint my toenails! Tomorrow is the big day. We'll find out whether we're going to be induced or not. I will try to update as soon as I can, but if we are going to be admitted, things will be happening pretty fast. Hopefully I'll have some time to update on Tuesday at the hospital. If my platelets go up, I'll be home Monday afternoon to at least let you know what happened (even if its brief). Thanks so much for reading!