In my other two pregnancies, I have had what I call a "gender prediction dream". I don't know whether its a woman's intuition or just one of those strange things that happen sometimes in life, but both times they have come to fruition.
When I was pregnant with Cash, I dreamed that I gave birth to a little boy, average size with brown hair. Cash was 7lbs. 8oz. (born at 38 weeks exactly) and had a moderate amount of brown hair covering his little head.
When I was pregnant with Beckett, I dreamed that I gave birth to another boy, but he was significantly bigger than Cash, and with much more hair. Beckett was 9lbs. 14.5oz (born at 39 wks, 4 days), and had the most hair I have ever seen on a baby.
Last night I had my first "gender prediction dream" of this pregnancy. Of course, I know not to put too much thought into it, but it will be fun to see if I'm right. Mind you, we were discussing names for this particular gender before going to bed. As I joked with my sister, "this may have influenced my thoughts before bed, and I need to wait for a completely uninfluenced, subconcious dream before I officially 'make the call'." :) According to my dream, its a girl! I dreamed that I had an easy delivery, and very easy recovery (was released from the hospital later that day in my dream). She had strawberry dark blondeish hair and a very sweet face. She looked a lot like I did when I was a baby! She was about Cash's size and may have been born a little bit earlier than her due date because I seemed surprised that she was coming so soon in my dream. We named her Claire and something that started with an A for a middle name although I can't remember what it was. Neither are names that we are considering. For some reason, in my dream, I remembered the name that Colt and I are considering as our "front runner" and we named her that.
It was a lovely dream, and I can't wait to see if it comes true! Of course, pink or blue we would be thrilled. There are many benefits to both. November 12th we'll find out for sure!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Party of 5!
Well I suppose its time for an update! Our family of 4 is about to be a party of 5! I'M PREGNANT! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
On August 22nd, a Thursday night, I took a pregnancy test at 10 days past ovulation and laid it on my bathroom counter. I had a few things to do around the house, and two hours later I realized I had completely forgotten about it. I went back in the bathroom and looked at the test. I thought I saw a very faint second line, but you aren't supposed to even look at a test after 10 minutes because the results can be wrong because it has sat out for too long. I disgarded it thinking it was negative.
When I woke up the next morning, I was nervous to take another test because I REALLY wanted it to be positive, but I was worried that it wouldn't be and it would be a huge let down. I walked to the bathroom, took the test and stared at it for the next minute or two. I thought I saw a second line forming but again, it was so faint I couldn't tell. I had one of those "Pregnant/Not Pregnant" tests in my bathroom. I figured that would take out the guess work. It was my "lucky test" and I promised myself that I wouldn't use it unless I was pretty sure it was positive. The test had a little hourglass that blinked on the digital screen. Blink, blink, blink, blink. I have taken these before, and the longer they blink the more likely it is that they are negative. Blink, blink, blink. I looked away for a second to see if the line had become any darker on the cheap, internet purchased, dip strip test I used. It had. When I turned my head to look at the digital test, it had completed. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. The test was looking back at me, seemingly smiling. I cried. I prayed to God in thanks, and I tried to keep my cool and think of a cool way to tell Colt.
I had hoped to think of a really cute way to tell Colt I was pregnant this time, but every idea I found on the internet was just not my style. It was weird timing because he had to go to work all day. I had to decide whether I was going to wait until he got home, exhausted, or BEFORE his longest work day started to tell him. Cash had gotten into bed with us a few hours before, and woke up when I tried to get out of the bed to take the test. He was playing a game on my phone when I walked out of the bathroom with the positive test. I tapped him and whispered, "Tell Daddy that Mama has a baby in her tummy." He tapped Colt and said, "Mama has a baby." Colt didn't hear him and rolled over. I told him to do it again. This time he slapped Colt on the back and said, "MAMA WANTS A BABY!" Not quite what I was going for, but Colt got the picture. He popped his head up and said, "YEAH?!" I said yes, and showed him the test. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This time, the road to baby was longer for us. We got pregnant with Cash the first month trying, and with Beckett we had just began to think of trying, and we were pregnant! This time it took 9 months. I went to the doctor last month to ask if there were any red flags in my blood work or anything that could give us an answer as to why it wasn't happening for us. She said everything looked better than normal, and sometimes it just takes longer. Apparently, even someone in their early 20s (peak fertility age), with no medical problems only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. Who knew?!?
The fact that it took longer, only made me more ecstatic when we finally got the good news. It also made me thankful that everything happened in God's timing. Every time I prayed over the last 9 months concerning another child, I always asked that His will be done because He knows what is best for me and my family. I know that having 3 children is going to be different and probably considerably harder than having 2. Maybe if I had become pregnant that first month, it would have been too much for me to handle. It was kind of ironic, that this was the first month that when I prayed I said to God, "Your will be done because You know better than I do....but I feel like I can handle it on my end with Your help." :) My dad joked and said, "God's will will always be done, but maybe He's open to suggestions." Haha! I like that.
So hear I am, 5 weeks and 4 days. So far, I just have the normal early pregnancy symtoms. No morning sickness yet, except for one bout on Sunday morning. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep, I feel nauseated, just like I did in my other two pregnancies. The only time I don't get enough sleep is on Sunday mornings. :) I have my nausea medication ready and waiting. My first doctor appointment is on September 23rd. I already scheduled my gender ultrasound at Pregnancy Treasures on November 12th. I.CAN'T.WAIT.
The boys are excited about having another sibling. I know they don't quite get it yet because I don't look any different. Cash always says its going to be a girl. Beckett thinks its a boy. :) We'll seeeeee!
Well I guess that's it for now! I will update more as the weeks progress. Thanks for reading!!!
On August 22nd, a Thursday night, I took a pregnancy test at 10 days past ovulation and laid it on my bathroom counter. I had a few things to do around the house, and two hours later I realized I had completely forgotten about it. I went back in the bathroom and looked at the test. I thought I saw a very faint second line, but you aren't supposed to even look at a test after 10 minutes because the results can be wrong because it has sat out for too long. I disgarded it thinking it was negative.
When I woke up the next morning, I was nervous to take another test because I REALLY wanted it to be positive, but I was worried that it wouldn't be and it would be a huge let down. I walked to the bathroom, took the test and stared at it for the next minute or two. I thought I saw a second line forming but again, it was so faint I couldn't tell. I had one of those "Pregnant/Not Pregnant" tests in my bathroom. I figured that would take out the guess work. It was my "lucky test" and I promised myself that I wouldn't use it unless I was pretty sure it was positive. The test had a little hourglass that blinked on the digital screen. Blink, blink, blink, blink. I have taken these before, and the longer they blink the more likely it is that they are negative. Blink, blink, blink. I looked away for a second to see if the line had become any darker on the cheap, internet purchased, dip strip test I used. It had. When I turned my head to look at the digital test, it had completed. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. The test was looking back at me, seemingly smiling. I cried. I prayed to God in thanks, and I tried to keep my cool and think of a cool way to tell Colt.
I had hoped to think of a really cute way to tell Colt I was pregnant this time, but every idea I found on the internet was just not my style. It was weird timing because he had to go to work all day. I had to decide whether I was going to wait until he got home, exhausted, or BEFORE his longest work day started to tell him. Cash had gotten into bed with us a few hours before, and woke up when I tried to get out of the bed to take the test. He was playing a game on my phone when I walked out of the bathroom with the positive test. I tapped him and whispered, "Tell Daddy that Mama has a baby in her tummy." He tapped Colt and said, "Mama has a baby." Colt didn't hear him and rolled over. I told him to do it again. This time he slapped Colt on the back and said, "MAMA WANTS A BABY!" Not quite what I was going for, but Colt got the picture. He popped his head up and said, "YEAH?!" I said yes, and showed him the test. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This time, the road to baby was longer for us. We got pregnant with Cash the first month trying, and with Beckett we had just began to think of trying, and we were pregnant! This time it took 9 months. I went to the doctor last month to ask if there were any red flags in my blood work or anything that could give us an answer as to why it wasn't happening for us. She said everything looked better than normal, and sometimes it just takes longer. Apparently, even someone in their early 20s (peak fertility age), with no medical problems only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. Who knew?!?
The fact that it took longer, only made me more ecstatic when we finally got the good news. It also made me thankful that everything happened in God's timing. Every time I prayed over the last 9 months concerning another child, I always asked that His will be done because He knows what is best for me and my family. I know that having 3 children is going to be different and probably considerably harder than having 2. Maybe if I had become pregnant that first month, it would have been too much for me to handle. It was kind of ironic, that this was the first month that when I prayed I said to God, "Your will be done because You know better than I do....but I feel like I can handle it on my end with Your help." :) My dad joked and said, "God's will will always be done, but maybe He's open to suggestions." Haha! I like that.
So hear I am, 5 weeks and 4 days. So far, I just have the normal early pregnancy symtoms. No morning sickness yet, except for one bout on Sunday morning. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep, I feel nauseated, just like I did in my other two pregnancies. The only time I don't get enough sleep is on Sunday mornings. :) I have my nausea medication ready and waiting. My first doctor appointment is on September 23rd. I already scheduled my gender ultrasound at Pregnancy Treasures on November 12th. I.CAN'T.WAIT.
The boys are excited about having another sibling. I know they don't quite get it yet because I don't look any different. Cash always says its going to be a girl. Beckett thinks its a boy. :) We'll seeeeee!
Well I guess that's it for now! I will update more as the weeks progress. Thanks for reading!!!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sue me
I just got done laying down with Cash for a few minutes. He has frequent nightmares and a little snuggling/playing with my hair always lulls him back to sleep. It doesn't seem like so long ago that I was a little girl, laying in my big girl bed, having nightmares just like his. I can remember being terrified to take naps because I was afraid the "bad dream man" would come. I'm sure my sister can remember hearing stories about the bad dream man when we shared bunk beds. I made her be quiet as I gave him a stern talking to in my mind, trying to persuade him not to send bad dreams. Sad when you think about it. Especially when I see Cash going through the same thing. I hate that he has bad dreams, but I LOVE being the nurturing comfort he calls for to lay with him a while.
Almost everytime I lay with or hold one of my boys as they sleep for any length of time, I begin to get teary. Whether I'm thinking of how much they've grown, or how much growing they have yet to do. I have been thinking more and more about Cash going to school in a few years, and am always very depressed at the thought. I become very anxious and sick to my stomach thinking about the separation. I can remember the first day of school as a kid, and how exciting the experience was to go to a new classroom, meet your teacher and classmates, find your desk and finally use the new school supplies that I was always so anxious to put to work. To this day a blank piece of college ruled paper entralls me. I can remember coming home from that first day thinking, "That was fun," and then the inevitable drop in your stomach when you realize..."I have to go back tomorrow...and the next day...and the next." Even as a child, I HATED not having my freedom. I think that's why I hate the thought of Cash going to school. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is scared? What if he gets there, likes it for a few minutes and wants to come home? What if he misses me? What if he's crying and no one will let him call me to come get him? I realize most of these worries are premature, as he just turned 3 and has a few more years before I really have to worry about these things. The problem is, time isn't slowing down. In fact, it feels like its speeding up. I look at the pictures covering Cash's bulletin board of when he was a little baby. When he just started crawling, and at his 1st birthday party when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Beckett. I look at Beckett and see him run across the front yard. I see him being more independent, and wanting to do things that Cash does. I see Cash pick up his plate after dinner, walk it to the trash can, clear it, and put it in the sink. I hear him ask me for a "big boy cup with no lid, please" instead of his sippy cup. I see Beckett wanting to run out the front door and race Cash to the tree in the front yard that they always insist on touching before we go to run errands. Time is flying, and I know it will only get faster.
It is not lost on me that these days are fleeting. I don't take any of it for granted. I was sitting here, in my bed last night thinking, "This is what I've waited for." Every hope and dream and ambition for the future that I had growing up has culminated into this moment right now. Wife. Mother. That's what I have always wanted. I know that's not popular to say this day in age, but its true. I also know that these days won't be around forever, and that one day my role as "mother" will be vastly different from what it is today. There will be a lot less daily need from me, and I'll take on the role of safety net, and advisor. And that's ok. But with every baby step into their independence, I have a strange blend of happiness and pride for their achievement, and sadness for just another thing that they don't need me for.
Its funny to me now when I watch a movie, with some underlying plot of a teenager needing to spread his or her wings. You almost always hear someone say, "Mom, you need to learn to let go a little bit." Now as a parent, I think to myself, "Pshh, what an IDIOT!" I'm sure I will hear that same line spoken to me by one of my children someday, and I'm sure I'll be thinking that same response in my head. Don't they remember the days when I changed their diapers, and cleaned up after them, and took them fun places, and worried about what they ate and how I consciously tried to make every moment they needed to be held and nurtured the most calming and "unscary" place they could ever imagine, and how I put a lot of thought into how I can shape them into decent, Christian young men. I don't think its possible to realize, until you have children, how much of their soul that your parents pour into you. I feel like everything I have, mind, body and soul is wrapped around my three (Colt, included) boys. Thankfully, Colt I can hold on to until one of us dies, but one day I'm going to have to let go of the other two. And tonight, that thought makes me a little teary eyed, and queasy. Sue me.
Almost everytime I lay with or hold one of my boys as they sleep for any length of time, I begin to get teary. Whether I'm thinking of how much they've grown, or how much growing they have yet to do. I have been thinking more and more about Cash going to school in a few years, and am always very depressed at the thought. I become very anxious and sick to my stomach thinking about the separation. I can remember the first day of school as a kid, and how exciting the experience was to go to a new classroom, meet your teacher and classmates, find your desk and finally use the new school supplies that I was always so anxious to put to work. To this day a blank piece of college ruled paper entralls me. I can remember coming home from that first day thinking, "That was fun," and then the inevitable drop in your stomach when you realize..."I have to go back tomorrow...and the next day...and the next." Even as a child, I HATED not having my freedom. I think that's why I hate the thought of Cash going to school. What if he doesn't like it? What if he is scared? What if he gets there, likes it for a few minutes and wants to come home? What if he misses me? What if he's crying and no one will let him call me to come get him? I realize most of these worries are premature, as he just turned 3 and has a few more years before I really have to worry about these things. The problem is, time isn't slowing down. In fact, it feels like its speeding up. I look at the pictures covering Cash's bulletin board of when he was a little baby. When he just started crawling, and at his 1st birthday party when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Beckett. I look at Beckett and see him run across the front yard. I see him being more independent, and wanting to do things that Cash does. I see Cash pick up his plate after dinner, walk it to the trash can, clear it, and put it in the sink. I hear him ask me for a "big boy cup with no lid, please" instead of his sippy cup. I see Beckett wanting to run out the front door and race Cash to the tree in the front yard that they always insist on touching before we go to run errands. Time is flying, and I know it will only get faster.
It is not lost on me that these days are fleeting. I don't take any of it for granted. I was sitting here, in my bed last night thinking, "This is what I've waited for." Every hope and dream and ambition for the future that I had growing up has culminated into this moment right now. Wife. Mother. That's what I have always wanted. I know that's not popular to say this day in age, but its true. I also know that these days won't be around forever, and that one day my role as "mother" will be vastly different from what it is today. There will be a lot less daily need from me, and I'll take on the role of safety net, and advisor. And that's ok. But with every baby step into their independence, I have a strange blend of happiness and pride for their achievement, and sadness for just another thing that they don't need me for.
Its funny to me now when I watch a movie, with some underlying plot of a teenager needing to spread his or her wings. You almost always hear someone say, "Mom, you need to learn to let go a little bit." Now as a parent, I think to myself, "Pshh, what an IDIOT!" I'm sure I will hear that same line spoken to me by one of my children someday, and I'm sure I'll be thinking that same response in my head. Don't they remember the days when I changed their diapers, and cleaned up after them, and took them fun places, and worried about what they ate and how I consciously tried to make every moment they needed to be held and nurtured the most calming and "unscary" place they could ever imagine, and how I put a lot of thought into how I can shape them into decent, Christian young men. I don't think its possible to realize, until you have children, how much of their soul that your parents pour into you. I feel like everything I have, mind, body and soul is wrapped around my three (Colt, included) boys. Thankfully, Colt I can hold on to until one of us dies, but one day I'm going to have to let go of the other two. And tonight, that thought makes me a little teary eyed, and queasy. Sue me.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
An Interview with Cash at 2 1/2 years old
What is your favorite color?
- "Green, Blue and Red"
What is your favorite movie?
- "Hop and The Muppets"
What is your favorite song?
- "Pokerface" by Lady GaGa or "Settle Down" by No Doubt
Where is your favorite place to play?
- "Monkey Bizness"
Who do you love to play with?
- "Sydney, Ashlyn, Aunt Tara and Uncle Chase"
What is your favorite thing to do?
- "Play in a band"
What is your favorite thing to wear?
- "My tie"
What is your favorite drink?
- "An icee and a cookie...I like that"(what he gets when he is good at the mall)
Can you tell me a story?
- "Once umma time, there's a girl name Michelle and she walks to Mammy's house. She gets her jammas on."
- "Green, Blue and Red"
What is your favorite movie?
- "Hop and The Muppets"
What is your favorite song?
- "Pokerface" by Lady GaGa or "Settle Down" by No Doubt
Where is your favorite place to play?
- "Monkey Bizness"
Who do you love to play with?
- "Sydney, Ashlyn, Aunt Tara and Uncle Chase"
What is your favorite thing to do?
- "Play in a band"
What is your favorite thing to wear?
- "My tie"
What is your favorite drink?
- "An icee and a cookie...I like that"(what he gets when he is good at the mall)
Can you tell me a story?
- "Once umma time, there's a girl name Michelle and she walks to Mammy's house. She gets her jammas on."
Friday, August 17, 2012
"Sparkly Eyes"
Just thought I'd share a little story about something that happened today that made me smile. I tear up every time I think about it. It might be one of those things that only a mother would boo hoo over, but I love it.
Cash, Beckett and I were going into the playroom tonight before bed. Cash was watching Beckett as he crawled into the room. He stopped what he was doing and said, "Mama, I like Baby Bear's eyes. They are sparkly." I just thought it was so sweet that he noticed that, because Beckett does have very big, sparkly eyes...
As evidenced in his "first birthday pictures". I won't post these on Facebook until it gets closer to his birthday, but I thought I'd give a preview to all my faithful blog followers...both of you. :)
What a sweetieface!
Cash, Beckett and I were going into the playroom tonight before bed. Cash was watching Beckett as he crawled into the room. He stopped what he was doing and said, "Mama, I like Baby Bear's eyes. They are sparkly." I just thought it was so sweet that he noticed that, because Beckett does have very big, sparkly eyes...
As evidenced in his "first birthday pictures". I won't post these on Facebook until it gets closer to his birthday, but I thought I'd give a preview to all my faithful blog followers...both of you. :)
What a sweetieface!
Monday, August 13, 2012
My best days
Some days, even with all the stresses and the plans that fell through, and the chores that didn't get done, and the unproductive time that was wasted are still too good, that even the thought of life changing in the smallest measure makes you sick to your stomach in a weird way.
There are so many days that I look around my house and think about all the things that need to get done. I wonder, besides sheer exhaustion some of the time, what prevents me from doing them? Maybe if my husband wasn't so fun to be around, even doing nothing with, I would want to do more chores. Not a bad reason to have a messy house. That's love. That's lucky.
Sometimes even folding laundry, like I did tonight can make me choke up as I look at all the clothes that my boys have grown out of. Some things which they may have only worn once or twice, and now are too small.
Sometimes I feel like I pour my soul into these boys every minute of everyday, and that there would be no way I could muster even one more ounce of love for them out of my body.
I become increasingly obsessed with photographing or videotaping everyday events, so as not to forget Beckett's "angry face" or the way he looks at his brother when Cash is singing his heart out on top of the toy storage in the playroom, or Cash's sense of humor and toddler speech impediment. I don't want to forget anything.
As does everything, life changes and my boys will not always be little. Colt and I will not always be young. I know we will go on to find new richness in life at different stages. Right now, I am so thankful for right now. These days are my best days yet.
There are so many days that I look around my house and think about all the things that need to get done. I wonder, besides sheer exhaustion some of the time, what prevents me from doing them? Maybe if my husband wasn't so fun to be around, even doing nothing with, I would want to do more chores. Not a bad reason to have a messy house. That's love. That's lucky.
Sometimes even folding laundry, like I did tonight can make me choke up as I look at all the clothes that my boys have grown out of. Some things which they may have only worn once or twice, and now are too small.
Sometimes I feel like I pour my soul into these boys every minute of everyday, and that there would be no way I could muster even one more ounce of love for them out of my body.
I become increasingly obsessed with photographing or videotaping everyday events, so as not to forget Beckett's "angry face" or the way he looks at his brother when Cash is singing his heart out on top of the toy storage in the playroom, or Cash's sense of humor and toddler speech impediment. I don't want to forget anything.
As does everything, life changes and my boys will not always be little. Colt and I will not always be young. I know we will go on to find new richness in life at different stages. Right now, I am so thankful for right now. These days are my best days yet.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Moe Clark 7/03'-7/12'
We didn't really want to post anything about this originally, but since people ask so often about our sweet dog Moe, we thought we would get it out in the open so we don't have to relive the conversation over and over again. Our dog, Moe, who just turned 9 years old passed away this morning. He was very sick the last few weeks, and we had him on several different medications (administering mediciation 5 times a day) but nothing was helping, and Colt and I realized we needed to do something before he began to suffer.
Everyone thinks that their dog is exceptional, but Moe really was. Colt was a bachelor living by himself in a condo when he got Moe as a puppy. Colt was lonely living in the condo by himself, and Moe was the companion that his life was missing. Two years later Colt and I met. Moe immediately took to me, and when I would come over to Colt's house when we were dating, Moe would jump up in my lap like he was a little lap dog. He accompanied Colt to Orlando when Colt would come to visit me at UCF, and to Clearwater when I would come home. After we were married, Moe moved from the chair that he used to sleep in on Colt's side of the bed, to sleep at my feet everynight. It became a joke between Colt and I that everytime Colt even "play hit me" or gave me a bear hug, Moe would jump on him and bark. When I was prengnat with Cash, he used to lay his head on my belly and let Cash kick him. When Cash was born, he was no longer my dog, or Colt's dog. He was all about Cash. He followed him around the house all day long. He would follow him in the backyard when Cash had just started crawling and playing in the grass. Cash shared his lunch with Moe everyday (no matter how many times we told him not to!). For every bite he took, he gave Moe one. When Beckett was born, he would sit in the playroom with both boys and watch them while they played. He was in the room when Cash crawled for the first time, and when Beckett pulled himself up standing for the first time. He was a huge part of our family.
At every stage of his life, and ours, he was exactly what we needed him to be. To Colt, a friend and companion when he was alone. To me, my first "baby" and the first life I felt responsible for. For Cash and Beckett, a playmate, and protector. We will miss him terribly but are so thankful for all that he was to our family.
Everyone thinks that their dog is exceptional, but Moe really was. Colt was a bachelor living by himself in a condo when he got Moe as a puppy. Colt was lonely living in the condo by himself, and Moe was the companion that his life was missing. Two years later Colt and I met. Moe immediately took to me, and when I would come over to Colt's house when we were dating, Moe would jump up in my lap like he was a little lap dog. He accompanied Colt to Orlando when Colt would come to visit me at UCF, and to Clearwater when I would come home. After we were married, Moe moved from the chair that he used to sleep in on Colt's side of the bed, to sleep at my feet everynight. It became a joke between Colt and I that everytime Colt even "play hit me" or gave me a bear hug, Moe would jump on him and bark. When I was prengnat with Cash, he used to lay his head on my belly and let Cash kick him. When Cash was born, he was no longer my dog, or Colt's dog. He was all about Cash. He followed him around the house all day long. He would follow him in the backyard when Cash had just started crawling and playing in the grass. Cash shared his lunch with Moe everyday (no matter how many times we told him not to!). For every bite he took, he gave Moe one. When Beckett was born, he would sit in the playroom with both boys and watch them while they played. He was in the room when Cash crawled for the first time, and when Beckett pulled himself up standing for the first time. He was a huge part of our family.
At every stage of his life, and ours, he was exactly what we needed him to be. To Colt, a friend and companion when he was alone. To me, my first "baby" and the first life I felt responsible for. For Cash and Beckett, a playmate, and protector. We will miss him terribly but are so thankful for all that he was to our family.
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