Cash's First Few Weeks

What a blur these last few weeks have been! I've started this post several times, but never finished it. I've been trying to collect my thoughts so I can accurately describe the important happenings in the last few weeks. There are so many things to report!

I suppose I will start with us leaving the hospital. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I brought the baby home, but I definitely didn't expect to be so sleep deprived. I think I would have been ok if I had gotten some sleep on Monday and Tuesday night before the induction, but seeing as how I couldn't have gotten more than 4 hours of sleep combine both of those nights, I was EXHAUSTED! When we were pulling out of the hospital parking lot, I was so disoriented, I wasn't exactly sure where we were. I knew we were at the hospital, but I wasn't sure what road we were on. When we finally got home, we introduced Cash to Moe. He did so well with him. Moe was very gentle, and sniffed the baby, and the carrier, but never tried to jump or anything! Moe is very protective of him, and if he ever cries when he's in his swing, Moe runs over and sniffs him, then licks his hand, and stays until he stops crying, or Colt and I get him. Anyway, when we got home, I remember feeling like, "Now what?" I wasn't quite sure what I should be doing. I never expected to feel unprepared at all, especially because I had been a nanny for so long. I had changed a million diapers, fed a million bottles, and changed a million outfits, but because it was my own baby, I felt a little bit unsure. We came home on a Friday, and Colt had to play that night, so my parents came over and made me dinner. They watched the baby while I slept for an hour or so. When I woke up, Colt was home, and they had just walked out the door. I was upset that I didn't get to say goodbye and thank you. I think that was the event that started my upcoming "nervous breakdown" as Colt likes to call it. Just to preface this next part, I could have chosen to leave this out and pretend like it never happened, but I feel the need to be completely honest and lay it all out. This blog would be pointless, and helpful to no one, if I'm not "real" with you. I'm not a crier at all, nor have I ever really been someone that cries a lot but the first few days home from the hospital, I was weepy. It wasn't all the time but I think I may have had three "episodes". I'm not really sure what caused it, but I'm told sleep deprivation, mixed with labor hormones, and the fact that you're life has completely changed in a matter of days will do that to a girl. I was SO happy to have Cash, and excited about being a mother, but I was also a little bit unsure of how to handle all of the changes. You might think that nine months should be enough time to mentally prepare for a new lifestyle, but thinking about it, and actually experiencing the changes are two completely different things. I was used to staying up late with Colt every night, watching our favorite TV shows and hanging out. Colt and I were both so exhausted those first few days at home, that he was falling asleep pretty early compared to what time we had been going to bed. That left me sitting up by myself when I was nursing, although Colt did wake up every time the baby woke up and asked if I needed anything or any help. It was so strange to me to be staying up with the baby alone since Colt had always been my playmate of sorts. I began to worry that all those days of hanging out with Colt, and spending so much time together were long gone, which made me miss my husband, even though he was sleeping right next to me. Looking back, it was such a strange emotion to have, especially since Colt's work schedule allows us to spend way more time together than most couples. I was also feeling homesick in a way. Not homesick in the sense that I wanted to go home to my parents, but feeling like my childhood was completely finished. Almost like, my time as someone's baby was gone because I had a baby. Colt rolled over one night while I was sitting up nursing in bed, and there I was, all teary eyed watching the morning news. "What's wrong, baby?" "Nothing, I'm ok," I said. He obviously knew I wasn't ok, because I never cry. I tried to explain that I was so happy to have Cash, that he was literally a dream come true, but that I never expected to feel sad about one chapter of my life closing. I can remember being a little girl, and crying, being so worked up about something or other and how soothing the sound of my mother's voice was as she would rub my back and tell me I was going to be ok. That scene kept playing through my mind, as I imagined myself doing the same for my son. This was one of those times that I needed to have my back rubbed and be told that everything was going to be ok. Colt did a great job comforting me. We talked and he reassured me that things would calm down in a few days when I got some sleep and my hormones calmed down. We talked for a long while that night. He told me how proud he was of me, and how excited he was about watching me be a mother to our son. I went to bed feeling much better and more confident. It was definitely one of those times that makes you grow as a married couple, and his patience and thoughtfulness is something I'll always remember.

My family was also a huge help over those first few days. My parents were at the hospital everyday that we were there, helping us in whatever way we needed it. Like I said, the day we came home, they came over and made me dinner and let me sleep for a little while. My mother received countless phone calls from me over that first week, asking her a million questions. I asked her if she was weepy the first week post-partum and she said, "Aubree, everyone is weepy the first week post-partum. If they say they're not, they're lying." We laughed about how no one tells you about all of the "glamour" of the first week home from the hospital. Not only are you dealing with CRAZY emotions, but you're dealing with all of the the physical repercussions of childbirth. Not pretty! She was such a comfort to me. If you ever reach the age where you think you're an adult, and don't need to be "mothered" anymore, have a baby. I don't know if I've ever needed my mother more.

Things definitely calmed down over the next few days, although I did have a few more weepy fits. My milk still hadn't come in, and I was supplementing with some formula. The nurses at the hospital were the first to suggest that I supplement with the formula until my milk came in, but they also scared me into thinking that he might get "nipple confusion" and not want to nurse after seeing how much easier it was to eat from a bottle. One of my weepy fits was feeding related, wishing my milk would come in, as he was still surviving mainly on colostrum and his formula supplement. It turns out, everyone was right, and by the end of our first week home, with a little rest, I was feeling on top of my game. At that point, Colt and I could laugh about my crying spells in the week previous, and started affectionately calling them my "nervous breakdowns". We started to fall into somewhat of a schedule. My milk had come in, so he wasn't cluster feeding anymore, and I was getting about 2 to 3 hours in between feedings, which was good. I was even getting pretty quick with changing diapers in the dark, although we did get peed on a few times.

After being confined to our house for two weeks before Cash's delivery, and then having to stay in the first week, I was ready to get out of the house as soon as possible. Cash's first outing was to Grandaddy and Mammy's house (my parents). He went to church for the first time on Sunday night (the 24th) at a week and a half old, although we didn't allow anyone to hold him just yet.

At our first Pediatrician appointment, we discovered that Cash's bilirubin levels were elevated, which means he was slightly jaundiced. He had a level of 9 in the hospital, and the nurse assured me that anything under 12 was ok. At the doctor's office, the number jumped to 15. They asked us to come back in two days, and at that time, it was 16. Dr. Hughes, Cash's Pediatrician, said she thought it had peaked but she wanted us to get him tested at Quest Diagnostics the following day. We did, and his level had dropped to 13. He hasn't had a problem with it since. At his 3 week appointment, he had grown to 8lbs. 13 oz. (minus a few ounces for his clothes). Dr. Hughes said he was doing great, and called him a "sweet boy". Music to a new mother's ears!

Cash has already began to change, even over these short few weeks. When he was born, everyone said he looked just like Colt. He still resembles Colt a great deal, but he's starting to look a lot like me now as well. I was looking at some of my baby pictures the other day, and couldn't believe the resemblance in some of the photos. His hair, which was pretty dark when he was born, is starting to turn lighter. His eyes, which were dark blue at birth are now turning brown (Colt and I both have dark brown eyes). It seems like he changes a little bit every day. He loves to smile in his sleep, and he makes the funniest faces. Watching my parents and Colt's parents with Cash is such a joy for Colt and I. We love to see how happy he makes everyone.

Now, three weeks after Cash's birth, Colt and I are old pros. Just kidding. We're definitely not pros by any means, but we are getting more comfortable and confident with this whole parenting thing. We love taking him on "outings" and trying new things. He's a very good little boy, and loves to sleep...during the day. :) He's getting better about sleeping during the night, although I think it would help if Colt and I went to bed at a sensible hour. All in all, we are loving parenthood, and couldn't be happier with our little boy.

Sorry this post is forever long! A lot has happened in the last few weeks! I will leave you with a little timeline of milestones I've remembered to write down. Thanks for reading!

1/18/2010: First bath
1/19/2010: Belly Button fell off
1/24/2010: First time at church (Sunday night)
1/26/2010: First restaurant trip (Outback Steakhouse)
1/28/2010: First walk around the neighborhood
1/28/2010: First time I took Cash out alone (to my parents house)